A Big Step Forward

[Susie Q]

When I first came on this site I found great strength from the messages of those who had been at this longer - although I couldn't see it happening for me, I so wanted to believe that progress towards some reasonable life was possible. Now, it's my turn to offer some possibility of hope to those just finding their way through this nightmare.

Three months after my husband died I went (against my better judgement) on a two week trip to a nice quiet beach town with two friends. 'It will do you good' was the theory. It was a disaster for me - cried and was miserable most of the time but got through it with their love and support. I felt that every minute I missed him standing beside me - a physical emptiness.

Twelve months after he died I went on a two week cruise with three firends. To my surprise I had some fun but still felt really uneasy and tense. I missed him being there to share it with me and cried lots in the quiet times or when I was alone - more a thought process than a physical feeling.

Tomorrow it will be nineteen months since he died and I am going away for a week with some friends. I am actually lookinmg forward to it. I know he will be with me and I think I can take some comfort from that - I seem to have brought his presence with me this time.

I'm sure there is a technical term to describe this process - but what I take from it is that you have to push yourself do things without your loved one, a few times, and go through the panic, tears, anxiety and need to run away when it becomes unbearable and keep doing it in order to rebuild your life.

So far I've applied this thinking to family parties, weddings, holidays and social events. It's been so very hard and emotionally taxing but I'm starting to see some chance of recovery to a more stable level - not a shadow of my previous life but it is a start.

[nats]

SusieQ,

It's great to hear positive energy is flowing for you..I think the technical term for me would be "healing", I'm now also finding my way down this journey none of wanted to take but I find if I take the mind set my fuel tank is half full instead of half empty I travel farther, I still have bad days as it's only been 13 months but I have came such a long way since Ruth left this world I'm proud of myself and I'm happy for you keep up the positive motion....

NATS

[kayc]

Susie,

I'm so glad to hear it, and I hope you have a great time with your friends. I think our grief journey, while never entirely over, changes form. In the beginning was the shock and the most horrible gut-wrenching devastation imaginable. When we thought of our loved one, it brought immense pain. With time, that's changed...now when I think of George, it brings a smile and encouragement and comfort to me...I remember all of the many memories fondly and know he was the one man in the world that truly loved me...and I him.

[Cheryl]

Hi SusieQ, I have also felt similar to you! I am at 19 months and just planned a trip to Akumal Mexico for this summer. I also have pushed myself to do things without Mark. It was miserable at first but I'm also finding a new peace and fulfillment with the successes and achievements. I am so grateful that I haven't given up, but have let the grief guide me along to a point where each day I'm healing in a different way. I never thought I could heal from this awful wound. But the ache is becoming bearable and I can now see that if I keep trying that I will be able to make a good life for myself. I'm so happy for you! Hugs! Cheryl