2 Yrs And 3Months

[Lucia Abeytia]

It has been 2yrs and 3months since I lost Ben, Everyone kept telling me it's going to be easier just give it time...Well I don't think it is ever gona get easier I miss him more every day...So much has happened in those 2 yrs I have not been on here for a long time I sometimes read the post but have not posted anything because I don't want to bore everyone...I was dignosed with Alizamers and it scares me to death because I am afriad that I will forget him...I notice little things that I forget like the other day I was boiling eggs and forgot that I was boiling them and all of a sudden i smelled something burning...I wish Ben was here to help me thru this I still miss himm

[nats]

Lucia,

First you will never bore anyone here I'm sure I can speak for everyone....I don't think we will "get over" or it will "get easier" as people think..as most of the people that say that have never lost a spouse or life partner, they may have faced the passing (I use passing not death due to my faith) of Mom's, Dad's, and so on with grief but nothing can come even close to this type of grief and emptiness as this for sure takes a piece of your heart, and we do indeed feel as if part of us has passed as well, and when you think about it we have, the part of us that was with our spouses has now passed with them...as far as your diagnoses, you will not forget him as he is not only in your mind but in your heart as well...I know it's scary an illness without our spouses, I have some issues with my vision and I'm scared...keep in touch this is great relief shareing our grief and sadness....

NATS

[kayc]

Lucia,

You can post anything you want here, we will be here and will listen and try to help see you through this. You will never bore us!

The having Alzheimer's has got to feel scary. Do you have anyone to help you with it? I don't know your situation, do you live with anyone or have anyone checking on you on a regular basis? Are you on medication to slow it's progression down? Please talk to your doctor, if you haven't, to find out where you can get support and help for this because you will need it. Things like forgetting to turn the stove off can be dangerous, that's why it's so important you have help.

Even if you do forget him with your conscious mind, it won't happen all at once nor will it be completely. I have had friends with Alzheimer's and they had good days and bad days...times they recognized me, times they didn't. Have you watched "The Notebook"?

My own mother suffers greatly from dementia and paranoia and her perception is extremely skewed, as well as she forgets things or remembers them incorrectly. She knows something is wrong and thus far has fought tooth and nail from getting diagnosed and receiving help, she is afraid of losing control. She has a great deal of anger and animosity that is misplaced and without real basis. We try to keep her condition in mind and be forgiving and understanding as much as we can. I don't know if she has Alzheimer's or not because she refuses evaluation at this point, but her other mental illness has come greatly into play. None of us knows our future and the uncertainly can certainly be a frightening thing to face, but when we keep in mind that somehow or another we will get through this and in the end we will join the ones we love on the other side, it makes it easier to bear.

One of the things I have noticed is that because my mother is very disciplined in her schedule, routine, activities, it has helped her. If we took her out of her environment I'm sure she would slide downhill fast. Having that routine is kind of like a blind person being able to count on their furniture, etc. being in a set place...move it and it throws them for a loop. Keep your husband's pictures about and talk to him...make it part of your daily routine, it will help you with your remembering him with your mind all the longer.

(((hugs)))

Kay