How Alone Can I Get?

[Cat_Lady]

Hi All, It just seems that everytime I put one for forward, I take two steps back. Everything in my life seems magnified since Mom died. I am finding it hard to find or appreciate anything. I feel angry and betrayed by everyone. It feels like friends and family are keeping their distance. I am glad that I am seeing my counselor tomorrow, she has been on holidays for a month, and I don't know what I would do if I had to go any longer with being able to talk to her. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like anyone cares or that I matter to anyone anymore.

[BellaRosa]

Cat-Lady,

Even though I am surrounded by people, I feel so alone. I've noticed that the relationship my mom and I had is unlike any other and no one else seems good enough to fill in for her now that she's gone. I didn't fully appreciate her while she was here, and I regret that deeply. It's not that my husband and my dad and my friends don't care about me... I know they do. It's just that none of them can offer that same unconditional love that my mom gave me. She supported me in everything and thought that anything I did or said was wonderful -- it was nice having that constant "cheerleader" behind me all the time. It's just not the same without her.

I'm angry, too... mostly at the situation, rather than at specific people, although I've lost a lot of my patience since my mom passed and I do get angry a lot easier than I did before.

It's good that you have your counselor to talk to. I find that it's very difficult to talk about anything related to my mom or my grief with any of my friends or my husband -- they just don't understand, and it seems uncomfortable if I ever bring her up. This board has been wonderful for finding people who can relate to what I'm going through.

Erin

[niamh]

I'm sorry things are so tough cat_lady, i too feel like that sometimes that nobody at all cares, the one person who did is not here anymore & so much seems so pointless to me these days, I think deep down I know people do care but it's not the unconditional love that Erin mentions too so I find it frustrating and as you say gets so magnified so somedays I feel like there is not a single person who truly cares.

I lose my patience so easily, sometimes i feel like a little child wanting to throw a complete tantrum, the smallest thing can set me off but it's never that issue itself, it's always the bigger picture of just wanting & needing my Dad.

I do know the one "good" thing is that I am aware of all this, so now when things hit to that extent, get blown up in my mind, it's just a case of riding out that rollercoaster and hanging on tight.

sending you a big ((hug)) and lots of peace and comfort,

Niamh

[Babypod]

Cat_Lady,

Totally agree with the previous posts. I have been feeling the same way since my Grandma passed away. I was really sick last week (and my husband is out of state until the end of June) - my Grandma would have been calling me everyday - she would have been worried - she would have done what she could do to help take care of the kids for me. My mom lives 15 miles away and all she could say is, "I don't feel good either." the one time I did talk to her on the phone.

It is hard when you lose that person who supports you and loves you no matter what. That person that whenever anything happens that is the person you want to pick up the phone and call. It is lonely. Heck - I have four kids roaming around my house and I still feel alone.

Hugs - you are not alone.

Angel

[2sweetgirls]

I completely agree and feel the same way. I resent the fact that I can't share my true feelings to anyone I want to.

Today would have been my moms 78th birthday. I feel sad but put it aside in front of others to spare them being uncomfortable. That is truly unfair. Today I was with a friend, a fairly new one., but pretty close. Met her after mom died but before dad. I mentioned that it is moms birthday today and was disappointed by the response. So, today I realized, right then and there, she was added to the list of people I can't talk to. On the flip side, another friend called just to say she was thinking of me today.

My brother and I sent flowers to mom and dad today. It feels nice to do it but, wish we could actually just have them here.

Peace to all.

2sweetgirls

[niamh]

aw BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your darling Mom 2sweetgirls. I'm sorry you felt the need to put it aside, it is unfair and so horrible that others feel uncomfortable about it, she's still your Mom and just because she's not here physically doesn't mean you should have to "ignore" her birthday. I just hope wherever she is with your Dad they celebrated it .........maybe now it's like an earth anniversary!

I'm glad one of your friends did call to say she was thinking of you, these little gestures mean so much. "New" people I find are definitely harder to talk to about it, I guess because they never knew us before all this they simply have no clue at all about the close bond and how devastating it is now, and where does one even begin to describe that closeness.

sending you an extra special ((hug)) and lots of comfort and peace,

Niamh

[BellaRosa]

I hate that we all feel like we can't talk to people about this. It shouldn't be that way, but it seems like everyone gets so uncomfortable and just wants to change the subject. I was having an especially bad week last week because it was 6 months since my mom passed, and my husband said to me that it's ok to be happy about things. Well, yes, obviously it's ok to be happy about certain things, but isn't it also ok for me NOT to be happy around the 6 month anniversary? Or isn't it ok for any of us NOT to be happy just because we miss the person? It's like people expect us to bounce back to our old selves and forget about the loss. What they don't understand is that it affects us constantly and it's impossible to forget.

2sweetgirls, I'm sorry you felt you couldn't really talk about your mom's birthday. I felt the same way on my mom's last month. It just seems like no one wants to hear about these difficult days.

[MartyT]

Erin, dear, your story reminds me of the time when my younger son and his wife were struggling with years of infertility and my older son and his wife happily announced they were pregnant within the first few months of their wedding day. At the same time I was thrilled for my older son, my heart was breaking into pieces for my younger one, and my sorrow about that remains to this day, along with the joy I feel for having the grandchildren with whom I have been blessed. I have learned that we human beings are perfectly capable of holding totally opposite feelings in our hearts simultaneously, and joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive. I think it helps to know that you can be perfectly happy about one thing in your life, and still be very, very sad about something else, all at the same time.

[2sweetgirls]

aw BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your darling Mom 2sweetgirls. I'm sorry you felt the need to put it aside, it is unfair and so horrible that others feel uncomfortable about it, she's still your Mom and just because she's not here physically doesn't mean you should have to "ignore" her birthday. I just hope wherever she is with your Dad they celebrated it .........maybe now it's like an earth anniversary!

I'm glad one of your friends did call to say she was thinking of you, these little gestures mean so much. "New" people I find are definitely harder to talk to about it, I guess because they never knew us before all this they simply have no clue at all about the close bond and how devastating it is now, and where does one even begin to describe that closeness.

sending you an extra special ((hug)) and lots of comfort and peace,

Niamh

Thank you, Niamh. I don't know about you but, on those special days, I just remember it silently or actually talk to them. That way I won't be further disappointed in people and humanity. I might be crazy but, I talk to my parents out loud often. I feel like they are around me - I feel them.

[emptyinside]

I completely agree and feel the same way. I resent the fact that I can't share my true feelings to anyone I want to.

Today would have been my moms 78th birthday. I feel sad but put it aside in front of others to spare them being uncomfortable. That is truly unfair. Today I was with a friend, a fairly new one., but pretty close. Met her after mom died but before dad. I mentioned that it is moms birthday today and was disappointed by the response. So, today I realized, right then and there, she was added to the list of people I can't talk to. On the flip side, another friend called just to say she was thinking of me today.

My brother and I sent flowers to mom and dad today. It feels nice to do it but, wish we could actually just have them here.

Peace to all.

2sweetgirls

May I ask what the friend's response was that disappointed you? I find myself being very disappointed in people myself.

[2sweetgirls]

Sure. She said "my father's birthday is June 25th.". (My mom's bday was May 25th.) Then there was no mention of anything else. On this site, we talk a lot about others being uncomfortable with our loss. I found myself very uncomfortable at that moment. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this also.