Retelling The Sad Story

[Anne E]

Last week, I was a delegate to the Regional Annual Conference of the Methodist Church. While I was there, Barb, the wife of one of the other delegates asked me to go for a cup of coffee; she wanted to talk to me. So, I happily went off to the coffee shop for what I thought was probably a chatty girl talk about Vacation Bible School or something. We got all settled and she asked ....."Anne, if it doesn't upset you too much, would you please tell me what happened to your husband and why you moved to Colorado9. I have heard some really upsetting things and I decided that I would just ask you."

GULP! So, I looked her right in the eye and said, "This is still pretty difficult for me to talk about, but I will do my best to tell you." I then proceeded to tell her the sad story about those years and the very sad ending. It was so hard to think about those days again and relive it all. While I did cry, I was able to have a reasonable conversation with her and answer her questions. She was so gentle with me and I could tell she was trying so hard to understand. She showed me such compassion.

We spent almost 2 hours just sitting there talking. She shared with me that when I first started attending church, she thought I was a battered woman or something because I looked so wounded and hurt. She also said that it was interesting to see me now, a little of a year later. That made me feel pretty darn good.

I feel I am making progress three years after Dick's death, but it is good to hear someone who is not "invested" in me (i.e. son, brother, best friend) make that observation.

I understand a bit about what Mary posted about being ambushed, but feel that enough time has passed that I am somewhat more prepared to deal.

Guess the old saying that time heals is probably true. The process is so slow, but it is a process we need to just endure and work our way through. There is sunshine, joy and happiness in the world. It is our responsibility to look for it. While I was at Conference, I bought a devotional book - "little mercies, celebrating God's everyday grace and goodness" by Lynn Coulter. I have been using it for my devotions in the morning and am thinking about finding Joy in God's creation. It is really helping me.

Sorry if I'm a bit preachy today, but this is what I have been thinking about since coming home from conference.

Blessing,

Anne

[mfh]

Hi Anne,

How lovely that your new friend just came right to you and listened and was gentle. What a great gift that was. I do understand that we get better at avoiding ambushes...in fact I thought I was pretty good at it but voila...there I was yesterday...ambushed big big time. I also understand someone who is not invested in you giving you feedback. A friend who is a true true friend said to me last week or so that she felt I was still in shock, walking about a bit dazed. It felt so good to have someone who has no investment in whatever telling me what I already knew and confirming it. These kinds of folks are gifts to us in this slow slow journey. i am glad that you are finding your way again. I celebrate that with you. Mary

[Dwaynecg]

Dear Anne,

Her I am only at 4 months it is hard to imagine 3 years down this path we all have to travel. I have had a couple moments like that. Pauline and I went to Christian church for years, until she could not go any more. When I went back for the first time it was very hard. I had got there early and just sat down in a seat. When an older gentleman came up to me an took my hand and it is glad to see you back. He remember me but not my name, when I told him he sat down and told the church had been praying for Pauline and I. It was so comforting. I cry just witting this, but God knows who we need at the time we need them the most. As it turned out I had sat in the set that Donna and Greg sit in all the time. It was also where Donna had meet Greg for the first time. God guides us and walks with us, helps to heal our broken hearts. Those moment like that no matter how hard it is to tell some about our loved ones helps us heal.

God Bless you

Dwayne

[kayc]

Anne, you are so right! And you're not preachy at all. It is a correct observation that we have to look for joy. That is something we can't imagine in the beginning but we learn after a while.