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Another obstacle... tried to start my car and the battery is dead. This is something my husband would fix... but no husband now. I know nothing about batteries and don't want too. I am physicallly tired thinking about these things that took two people to run a household. My son and fiancee were here this weekend, and I love them dearly, but why why why does it not fill the void and hole that is there. I couldn't ask for a better son but he can't make the hurt and pain go away, and it pains him to see me like this, so you fake it. The jungle (back yard) needed trimming and I have no energy. Hired a landscape company to do it, $800.00 later and it still doesn't look that good. Now I have to worry and be on top of people trying to take advantage of the poor widow that knows nothing. Now what are my options in a small town? Do it myself, hire it done at $$$$ or let the jungle grow out of control. Don't like any of the options in front of me and I'm sure there are more of those out on the horizon.

I booked a cruise for us after he got through his first bout of cancer, but we never got to go because the cancer came back with a vengence. The cruise company was kind enough to offer vouchers for a future cruise,but that never happened due to his illness and death. Now I have that to straighten out and see if I can get a refund or if a relative can go instead of him. Would love for his sister to go with me but sure I am dealing with an uphill battle. Of course we did not have travel insurance because nothing was going to keep us for celebrating his cancer recovery. Ha. Didn't happen.!!!

I'm tired and lonely and just wondering when this is going to get better if ever. Feeling very overwhelmed with grief and lonliness today.

Thanks for listening.

Becky

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Becky,

Sometimes it seems like the difficult stuff just piles on top of us at once, and we feel smothered by responsibility. I know I've felt that way lots of times - and still do a little. I spent a fair amount of money, just after I lost my husband, just on electrician bills. Some of those bills were unnecessary - I think I was taken advantage of. On top of that I was hit by a hit-and-run driver (while in my car) - and my car was completely totalled. I lost my bonus and the insurance company wouldn't cover everything because I couldn't prove who had hit me. It seemed as though there was no end to the misery.

After a while, it may be easier to focus on what actually is going okay. It's easy to overfocus on the negative stuff. I am a pessimist by nature - so this was a giant hurdle for me. And still is.

Some things you have to do, some things you can do if you have the energy, and some things you can put aside a while longer. You have to prioritize. What's necessary? If you don't cut your grass - what's the worst that can happen? Paying bills, going to work (if you have a job), buying food, making dinner (if you have kids), are all probably necessary. But other things might have to take a back seat until you can think clearly.

This may sound like a cliche - but seriously, take one day at a time. Even now, almost a year out, I still get panicky if I think too far ahead. Everything crashes down on me. So I try very hard to live in the moment. Of course - when it comes to financial situations we have to think ahead - can we afford the mortgage or rent, will I have to find a job (if you don't have one). But with everything else - just get through today. Tomorrow - get through that day. And so on. After a while, life will get easier.

Melina

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Dear Becky,

I am so sorry to hear of your trouble. Maybe I could help. Have you heard of Greenough towing. Dwight is my uncle. He had a body shop for years. I just called and spoke with him, he just does the wreckers and towing now. I think if you call him and tell him you know me from HOV. I believe that he could help you with your battery and not take advantage of you. Give it a try, and let me know. If you need a new battery maybe he could get one for you at a good price.

God Bless and take care, I am here for you.

Dwayne

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Dwayne:

Thank you, you are a saint! I will call him. I know Diane Greenough, thinking she is Dwight's daughter in law. You are such a help even half a country away. Thanking you again for your help and compassion. You are going to be ONE AWESOME NURSE!!!

Blessings

Becky

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Becky,

I was in the wedding party for Dee and Dianne. It has been years sense I have seen or talked to them. Some of my family did not take to Pauline, be caused she had been married before. I still love all of them very much and wish I could see them again. In time I will. I have to take care of me first. Get my health in order, then my schooling, done. Get a job. After that I will find time to go out to visit everyone. Did you read my thread, My Promise to Pauline? I have lived on the east coast for almost 31 years now and been in our apartment for 21 years. I have made a life back here. People who have not lost their LOVE OF THEIR LIFE, do not understand what we all go through. I wish you the best take care of your self first and your kids of course. If you want to sent a private message I will give you my e-mail and number.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Dwayne:

What a small world. I know Diane Greenough fairly well. She is now the HR director for Dickinson County. Yes, I also read your thread regarding your family wanting you to "return home." You are doing the right thing by staying and fulfilling your promise to Pauline. That is all we have left. Randy so wanted to go on this helicopter ride in Kissimee ( he passed away while we were in our Florida home). We was too sick and we didn't get it done and I will be taking that helicopter ride for him when I get to feeling better.

I guess I try to give family and friends a pass. I know they mean well, they just don't know how or what to do. My sister lost her only child to suicide in 2006 and I was one of those people. Trying to get her to move closer to me, etc. I GET IT NOW. So, I try not to be too hard on them. They just don't know. Haven't experienced it. They want us to be happy and full of life again. It just doesn't happen over night if at all.

You are so doing the right thing. Hang in there Dwayne and thank you so much for your support. It means the world and is so very helpful.

Blessings

Becky

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Becky,

You are so welcome, and I pray that everything works out for you and is it a son or did you have other children also. It is hard for me to keep track sometimes. I know it must be real hot out there now. I can still smell the fresh alfalfa being cut.

Take care

Dwayne

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Dwayne:

I have one son, that is in Goodland, a high school business teacher. A few years younger than Dustin Greenough, Dee and Dianne's son. They just got through cutting wheat here, you know that is a big deal in the wide open spaces of KS. It is to be 103 today with lots of humidity. UGH!!!

Hope we all have a good day. Thanks so much for listening.

Becky

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Becky,

I hear you when Pauline and I were married in Abilene. It was her, I , and the Judge, at 5:15 PM September 5 1980. It was 105 and humid. People out her do not understand how it can be humid in KS. It is humid her from the ocean. It is different than the humidity in KS. I hope your son makes it through his grief ok, and does well in life. You are another good friend here on HOV. I have so many now, and everyday they lift me up. I hope I do the same for them.

Yesterday at Donna's they had invited another man over a lot younger than we. He had a bad marriage and a bad divorce. He has a son about I think maybe 7 I do not remember. When I told him my story about how I meet Pauline and where and how we meet and we were soul mates. It gave him a new hope that he will find his someday. I really God brought us together. It is just so remote that the odds are very high we would have not have met if God had, nothing to do with it. I believe with all my heart and soul that the LORD did his work that day and every day from then on and is still guiding me through my life.

Dwayne

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You are so right about God making things happen. I had been through a divorce and was single raising my child for 8 years when Randy came into my life. I almost pushed him away, but we got along so well that I decided it needed a trial run. We were together 15 years. God put us together. You always hear that you have to work at a marriage. Well, ours there was no work, it just was... wonderful every day. Really no fights, disagreements, we were always one and not whole without the other. Which is why this is so difficult. You are an inspiration to me Dwayne and I appreciate you lifting me up when needed. Thank you for sharing a picture of you and Pauline together. Beautiful and you guys look like you were meant to be together.

By the way, I got the battery for the car and my neighbor is going to put it in the car tonight. I am fortunate that we/I have two vehicles. So I am not stranded and friends are always there to help. I just have a hard time asking for help. I have to learn to reach out when I need it. I'm working on it. Thanks Dwayne, you have been a lifesaver for me today. The day is improving. Hoping I can do the same for you too. :)

Becky

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Becky,

I am glad I could help you in some way.

Pauline was my gift from God. We never went to bed mad at each other if we disagreed about something we talked it over before bed time. We always kissed and said I LOVE YOU. In the morning, we did the same thing. It was a joy to be with Pauline, we were as if we were one soul. I would not have changed a thing. We never kept secrets from each other. I think that what makes her passing so hard. That the MS took her so fast in the end. We never waited to talk about death and what each of us wanted. We had done that, years ago and off and on for the last year.

If I can ever be of help again please let me know. I am glad you got your battery worked out.

Dwayne

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