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Missing My Mom Already


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Hi everyone. Just wanted to introduce myself and say thank God for a forum like this. My mother is only 73 years old and for 5 years I have watched her slowly decline with dementia. This is a hellish disease in that she's gone even before she's actually gone. Someone said it's the long good-bye. Now in the late-stages (she is starting not to feed herself) she is in a very good nursing home in Buffalo, NY but I live in CT and I don't go back enough to see her. Some of it's the traveling, but honestly, some of it is that I find it too painful.

Although hI have a lovely and supportive husband, I feel so alone in this. I have a brother with severe alcoholism who lives near her (that's the reason we didn't move her near us -- he wouldn't be able to visit her at all) but he cannot help in the decision making and adds to the chaos and crisis. Today, I have a conference call with him and the nursing home to come up with a plan after he showed up drunk, wheeled her into the parking lot and she was almost hit by a car. I want her to see him (even if she doesn't quite know who he is anymore) but am afraid that his nonsense puts her at risk of being hurt or thrown out of the nursing home.

All I want to do is to escape this place of stress and pain but I know there is no way but through it.

That's it. Thanks for listening.

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Lotus Blossom,

I do not come on here much anymore but this new post came to my inbox of my email and I had to respond. My Grandmother has been battling this for many years now, she is now 97 and in a Nusrsing Home also. When they get to the point of where your Mom is and my Grandmother is sadly they do not remember 5 mins later who was even there to visit. The visiting now is mainly for us to visit and to check on them and help in any way we can. My advice to you would be if possible to move her close to you so you can be with her and check on her and not near where your brother is, sounds to me like he should not be trusted with her and the nursing home does not know this or they would not have let him walk out with her. Between mostly my Mom and Aunt and myself we take turns visiting with my Grandmother and checking on her health etc and other family members visit when they can, I can not imagine the only person who mostly visits is your brother. Would he notice a bruise on her wrist like I did or possible bed sores? Not if he is drunk he wouldn't, and these are things to look out for even in the best nursing homes. Think about it please.

Wendy

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Dear One,

In addition to Wendy's suggestion, here are some other resources that I hope you'll find useful as you decide what can be done in this challenging situation:

How to Deal with Long-Distance Issues in Caregiving

Caregiving from a Distance Organization

Caregiving from a Distance

Caregiving from a Distance: Making it Work

So Far Away: Twenty Questions and Answers about Long-Distance Caregiving

(Wendy, dear, it's lovely to see you here again ~ you are missed :wub:)

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Hi, You don't know me. My wife had MS for many years. I was her care giver the whole time. She passed away on February 25, 2011. Even though we both knew what her out come would be. I never gave up on her. Her last 3 weeks she was at home with hospice. I quite my job of 27 years to take care of her for what would be her last 2 1/2 years of her life. I have no regrets about any thing that happened. Now she waits for me in heaven, for when God calls me.

Stay strong even though you see the end coming fast, she is still your mother and needs family around though this very hard time. I think if your brother is showing drunk and putting your mother in harms way. You should rethink the whole situation. I do not mean any thing bad, but it about your mother now.

I will pray for God to give you strength and guidance, bring you peace and calm you heart and soul.

God Bless you and your family,

Dwayne

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Dear One,

In addition to Wendy's suggestion, here are some other resources that I hope you'll find useful as you decide what can be done in this challenging situation:

How to Deal with Long-Distance Issues in Caregiving

Caregiving from a Distance Organization

Caregiving from a Distance

Caregiving from a Distance: Making it Work

So Far Away: Twenty Questions and Answers about Long-Distance Caregiving

(Wendy, dear, it's lovely to see you here again ~ you are missed :wub:)

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Hello Marty have missed you dearly, hope all is okay with you. Been poking my head in and out for awhile, just lost my dad in January..its been rough. Still close with alot of people that I met here, talk to them daily. Will try to stop in more often when I can.

Wendy :wub:

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