My Loss Of My Boxer- Sebastian

[Barneyfitch]

Two days ago I lost the best friend I have ever had. I bought Sebastian from a pet store in 2003 after stopping by for weeks and wondering why no one wanted this beautiful Boxer puppy. After podering it, i decided to buy him and bring him home with me. Soon after my landlord evicted me due to the no dog policy and i chose to buy a house especially for him. So here we were, me and my buddy. Through good times and bad...months with no heat and terribly hot days we got thru it together. No matter how littl money i had he was always taken care of thru poet visits and premium dog food. He was my confidant and my best friend. No matter how bad of a day i was having, no matter how crappy it was outside, no matter what little money i had..i knew he woul dlove me the same no matter what! We had a connection that went beyond words...we had a connection of feelings.

So here i am now all alone. I no longer can expect that greeting at the door. I can no longer expect to have that responsibility of not being away from home for extened periods of time knowing i had someone at home that i needed to be responsible for. I no longer have the motivation t improve for him. I no longer have the motivation to proviode him/us with a better living condition. The one this that I can say is that we did eventually move into an apartment with central air that he enjoyed, thoroughly!

Upon the move I fell in love with a girl the he equally showed affection for. I feel that since the move, which was almost two years ago, his youthfulness was declining. He started to grey a little more and slept a little longer. I cant help but to think that he felt he no longer needed to be that stong dog for me that he was for so many years.

The beginning of this month i awoke to him looking at me strange. he did all the normal things like following me into the bathroom while i shhower but he wasnt laying, he was just sitting there. I knew something was wrong. I took him to the vet that morning and he had to stay overnight for pacreasitis. That broke my heart. I cried all night, this was the first time he has ever had to stay at the vet overnight before. I was heartbroken and felt so weak. Luckily the next day they released him and tho somewhat lethargic..i was just glad to have my buddy back! To keep things brief, he was admitted a few days later bue to his lethargy coming back...once again hospitalized and one again he didnt seem the same. So the following days of no improvement we decided on an ultrasound which showed a tumor on his spleen that had burst and was leaking blood into his abdomen. My friend was dying. Within minutes of bringing him to the Valley Central clinic the physician advised that he cannot go home and was in shock at this point and needed to be put to sleep. I have NEVER felt pain like this before in my life. My only confidant, my best friend was dying.

After being on the IV and having oxygen they let him back in the room to say his goodbyes. Me and my girlfriend were just balling like crazy as he kept liking my face, as to tell me it was alright..and it was his time to go. I cant help but to think of how alone i am going to be...how i knew he couldnt live forever but i still needed him. He couldnt leave me now...

I held him through the entire process and whispered into his ear, kissing his lips as i felt im slip away...my heart is officially broken.

I know I have my friends and family to help me through this time and i am not alone due to having a loving and caring woman by my side but nothing can replace my friends warm body bext to mine on a cold afternoon! His bark, sneezing and clicking of his nails on the hardwood floors! His smell and the sound of him jumping off/on furniture! Its all so terrible-

I feel embarrassed and alone now that my friend is no longer with me. I am afraid to see people who may ask about him due to he being such a big part of my life! This is just a confusing and sorrowful time in my life and i really dont know how to feel or how to manage...right now i just feel numb and my mind is just blank.

I dont want to clean or change anyting because i am afraid that I will forget aboout him...forget his smell especially! There is still his fur on my couches and his smell in the carpets where he would lay. This just hurts so much and there is part of me that wants to die so I can see him again....

After writing all of this out i definetly feel alot better.

[dave s]

Hey why embarresed? Animals to me are just as important as the humans I also allow to share my life with! I lost George a handsome australian shepherd 3 yrs ago...I rescued him from ranch back in montana, he was young pup, stray that had shown up and was herding the cattle, it was what he knew to do, the Rancher wasnt impressed and was going to shoot him!!!George and I never went a day without seeing each other, I use to do home health nursing and he would accompany me to work everyday! The patients loved him and he was so good with them, even those that would never allow dogs into their home fell in love with him and soon per their request George was allowed into their homes!He even saved my life once, had a natural gas leak in my home, I was so groggy in bed.....knowing something was wrong, he was trying to wake me up, but I couldnt..George who never had an accident then did so right by my bed waking me up and getting us out of the house before something happened....George unfortunately at the age of 12 started to slow down and one day he couldnt walk! Of coursse I took him to the vet where we discoverd a tumor on his spine, I couldnt allow him to go through surgery and chemo which was the only course of action, I, my mom , the vet and everyone in the office sobbed I we put him to sleep, it was the best thing I could do for my beloved friend and the absolute best thing you could do for yours!

Since then have taken in more stray 4 legged kids, for I am a sap for them and love them all! but thought it was interesting, a yr after George died, my bestfriend Vicky died, she loved George so much! And I had to go home to Wyoming for the funeral, when I returned I had 12 Aussie puppies in my back yard! I live in the country and others are fond of leaving me pressents of dogs! Well fortunately I found great homes for them all but kept Victor for he is almost a clone to George, in looks and personality....named Victor after Vicky my bestfriend....figured a sign from her!

Take care, so sorry for your loss!but thankyou for giving him such a good home/life, he is with you, watching out for you still...Dave

[kayc]

My dog is my life so I can relate to how much you must be missing your dog. Face it,they are more loveable than most humans. I am sorry you lost your boxer, I know it's tough, I've been there.

[Ronald]

Dear i think it is the part of life and we should face these problems with patients.

[dls for jackson]

Hello and you are not alone! I have been in your shoes. All of us, as you can see, understand your heart and empathize completely. I too thought that Jackson know when it was time to let me go, much less what it took for me to let him go. I had been alone for many years, single, and Jackson had been one constant 'person' that I could count on even through the death of both of my parents and and a divorce. I say this bcs, ironically, I had Jackson put down the 2nd day after I met my fiancee. I think that Leo, my fiancee, came into my life for a reason, God had the timing in mind. When it was time for Leo to take me & jackson to the shelter, we had a long talk and Jackson told me in his own way, that he knew I would be ok because I had someone to take care of me now, and would not be alone... I totally understand your feelings. Like I said, you are not alone. It does get better!