Loss Of Stepfather

[lark265]

I lost my stepdad about 8 months ago.....he was 85 and not in very good health.......he had even expressed that he felt "ready" to go.........so I don't mourn the passing deeply I don't think, it's just the horrible day to day anxiety I experience......I have had to call into work sick many times becasue of it......it just eats me up......like I did something wrong......funny, there's a sense of guilt attached to my feelings..........he and I had a a good realtionship and I always wished him well.....so I don't know where any guilt would be coming from........my main duty is to suppport my Mom which I don't think I have done a very good job of becasue of this crippling anxiety........my doc has me on tranquilzers even.........I know it's probably just a normal reaction, but it still is very difficult..........I want the anxiety to go away so I can be somewhat comforatable in mhy own skin again!!!

[MartyT]

Dear one, I'm so sorry for your loss, and my heart reaches out to you at this challenging time. I know you will hear more from our members about what you are experiencing, but in the meantime, I want to point you to two articles that I hope you will find helpful:

Coping with Anxiety in Grief

A New Year and the Burden of Grief

[Miss Ngu]

Hi lark265,

My condolences on the passing of your stepdad. The first anniversary of my mother's passing is coming up on May 12th. She was 78 years old when she died. I have experienced anxiety attacks on-and-off since I was a teen, so, at least I know what is happening, when it is happening. This year, with my mother no longer on this planet, I have experienced panic attacks pretty often. My mother, my "security blanket", is now gone, so, it makes sense to me why I would be more anxious. Such a tough year it has been - very scary and extremely uncomfortable. I work on calming down and relaxing minute-by-minute. Helps me get through my day. I also need to be very gentle and less critical towards myself, as I go through my grief. I have also found that exercizing and dancing help me to release some of my upset.

I know this may be a bit off-the-wall, but there is a show on television called "Long Island Medium". The woman on the program "speaks to the dead". I know it is controversial, but, it is a good show. Anyway, she is always telling people that their departed loved ones are safe and ok, and that our loved ones want us to let go of the the guilt and pain that we hold on to.

I just wanted you to know that I read what you wrote, and can feel your pain. I wish you comfort and strength -- and calmness.

Thank you, Marty, as always, for the information, and care, you share. I truly appreciate the wealth of help from you and these forums.

[DebFromLodi]

When my mom died, four years ago, i remember thinking: Thank God I have NO regrets and so not feel any guilt. But guess what? It creeps up on you. Now i look back and think I should have done more for her, visited her longer and more often, done this and that. Some days it is so bad it brings me to my knees in grief. I think it is normal but so hard to live with. Good luck to you.

[lark265]

Deb,

thanks so much

[lark265]

Miss Ngu,

Thank you for your kind reply