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Will The Tears Ever Stop?


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It seems every night I start crying and I can't stop. Most days now I can get through the daylight hours without breaking down, but then night rolls around, my daughter goes to bed and I put the dogs to bed also...and then I just cry and cry.

Arthur has been dead for three months and four days....I dread the day I have to come to grips that he has been dead longer then he was my love. We were together for 1 year 11 months and 5 days....we were married for 10 months and 4 days....I am so scared of the moment when I have missed him longer then I got to hold him.

Today I started going through the piles of stuff in the garage that never got unpacked after my daughter and I moved in with Arthur a month and a half before our wedding. It was hard...seeing things that have been in boxes for over a year...it was like I was unpacking a life that was "before Arthur" and all mixed in with that are things of Arthur's that got moved out to make room for Sophia and myself....so they were things of Arthur's that were from "before me"...it is weird and painful and confusing.

Sorting someones stuff after they die feels kind of like going through their underwear drawer...embarrassing and like you are some kind of voyeur. There is nothing I could find that would make me love him less and in a way I feel honored to be the one to do this. I would rather it be me then anyone else.

I have started feeling guilty when I bring up Arthur...it is like now that it has been three months I should be over it and bringing him up around my friends and such just feels awkward and like I am going to make people uncomfortable. My mom is cool...she never makes me feel bad for talking about him. I can talk about him around my daughter also, but she is a child and does not need to deal with my grief as well as her own.

With my in laws I feel guilty for anything I do to try to go on with my life. They never say anything to make me feel that way...I just do. I seem to be the queen of guilty feelings. One moment feeling guilty for trying to heal and next feeling guilty for not healing fast enough.

Emotions really suck sometimes....all this makes me feel so overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed by my emotions. I am overwhelmed by how much I have to figure out how to do now that Arthur is not here. I am overwhelmed by my life.

I keep on finding myself saying "Arthur should be here to help me with this." I feel so angry that he is gone. I feel abandoned...not really by him...I know he would have stayed if he could. He never would have left me on purpose.

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Lina,

I'm going to be 100% honest with you my wife passed 2 years and 5 months ago, I still cry and have emotional waves that come from no where...I have fallen in love again with a beautiful woman (a widow herself since 2009) and even with this new relationship we both talk about our spouses on a regular basis, our beloved spouses will always be in our lives I believe because of the way we separated from them, unlike divorce or breaking up we did not choose for them to be out of our lives, in those situations I truly think you "get over" or "move on" but this is different we had no choice, no say, and it's for sure final until we leave and join them, unlike the other separation situations where you may rekindle the break up or still see your ex...in short NO I doubt the tears will ever go away just lessen, but that's OK, for me as it's a constant reminder of just how short and precious life is, it also keeps me living each day as it's my last because for the first time in my life I am really learning so much about life I never knew just how special it is, or like most people I was just coasting day to day taking all my blessings for granted and out of true touch with life...continue to cry and you will continue to heal, one day you discover that the tears your crying are now a new type of tear a tear of happiness that we had the time with them we did, and as I cry now typing this I do it with a smile as I'm so happy Ruth will really never ever really be gone to me I just can't see and be with her physical body, but she is still very much with me daily...and I know she is happy that I'm happy, we all must do whatever to take care of ourselves, keep a positive flow of energy as hard as it is and the days will get a little less bumpy...

NATS

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I agree, grief/loss doesn't end, neither does the love we have for them.

George and I knew each other for 6 1/2 years but he's now been gone for over seven years. It's just a number though, the hard part is the continual emptiness inside for him, knowing I am not the same, my life is not the same, nothing will ever be the same. It's been so long since he held me or life was full of joy...

I don't mean to paint a dour picture, you do get used to it, as used to it as you can, and the tears eventually lessen to almost a stop, but the love and missing continue.

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Guest babylady

john has been gone about a month and a half. i cry every day -- sometimes several times a day. i cry loud too -- like a child -- never thought adults made noise when they cry but we do.

i had a severe panic attack in the grocery store yesterday. thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. i'm taking ativan and started an antidepressant last week. seeing my doc tomorrow.

right now i'm waiting for the plumber. have a smelly link under my sink. normally john would have cleaned everything up.

i'm crying right now.

feel so alone and so frightened.

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The plumber will be there soon...usually if it's smelly, it's because something is trapped, sometimes they form an air pocket.

It's okay to cry, I think it's healing to let it out, like the valve/release on a pressure cooker. It won't feel this intense forever, I promise you, but it does take time, it's a huge adjustment.

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*hugs* Thank you....you all have been so wonderful. I am not sure how I would get through this all without you guys to talk to. I can't really talk to my friends about this all and my mom is willing to listen, but I think it makes her sad when she hears how messed up I feel sometimes. Knowing you all have experienced this, or at least your individual version of this grief makes me feel safe to be honest and raw with you all when I need to. I wish none of us had to go through this.

I have discovered crying is not quiet...thankfully my daughter is a really good sleeper and we have sound insulation in the walls to cut back on how much sound carries in this house.

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Lina,

Yes..we can sure wale as they say, one of the other members whom has not posted for a while talked about screaming or crying into a pillow, I tried it early in my grief, what a wonderful release, just bury your head into a thick pillow or two and scream/cry/yell or whatever you wish into that pillow as loud as you can (of course take a breath once in a while), you will find it does wonders and releases some built up emotions without everyone around you or your neighbors from thinking you just saw a mouse or some other bizare thought they may have when they hear a person sounding off that loud...glad we all help, we all have a common bond here and it's good to hear others thoughts as you said...take it slow, day by day....

NATS

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