Not Ready To Move On

[kayc]

Fae,

A widow friend of mine has dated a lot the last few years only she doesn't call it dating...she tells them up front she doesn't want to date but does welcome friends to do things with. They treat her like a queen. She has had some that have tried for more and she reminds them she doesn't want more and if they persist, she cuts them off. I too have seen a couple of people as friends only but I have found that most men, while they agree to what you tell them up front, they STILL hope to change your mind and eventually, when you're tired of fending them off, you have to end the friendship. I don't know why people go into something hoping to change someone or change their mind, but they do. It's too bad, really, because I do get lonely and most of the women I know are busy...guys will MAKE the time for you...but this is why. I don't have time to join clubs, etc. and live too far away from everything so I spend too much time alone, it's one of the tradeoffs of living in the country, but I'd rather be alone than live in the city.

[amw]

I so agree with you all! I know I am not ready, probably never will be, James was and is my soul mate, that will never change! I have thrown myself into my school work, and because the guys who have shown interest don't get the message of me not being interested in them, I just get tired of wasting my breathe, so I tell them I'm just to busy with school, homework, and my internship. It's the truth, and I much rather put my focus on the work I started before James got sick, and that he was so proud of me for acheiving! Maybe they will get the message eventually, but I dout it. I am to tired to deal with people who want to tell me that I should forget about the pain and loss I feel so deeply, for the love of my life. In my one class they asked the question "If given one day, who would you want to spend it with, doing what, and talking about?"

The only one I wanted was James, I cried the whole time I wrote the paper, just wishing to have him back, if only for just one more day! I know I'm not alone with this thought, I know we all wish for one more day with the ones we love and miss so deeply, I even stated I would like for it to be one of his healthy days, so that we could do things he enjoyed so much, and couldn't do at the end, even though he was fighting to be able to do them.

[annette85035]

My husband and I started off just being friends..neither of us expected to fall in love-nor did he expect to ever marry again.

[amw]

Annette,

James and I were the same, we met because he moved in behind a family member of mine, and I was introduced to him one day. Soon after we would start talking everytime I was over to my family member's house, from there we started hanging out alot, and soon after we started dating. But the whole time I told myself I was not going to ever get married again, haha, the joke was on me! We only had five years together, and sometimes when I hear my friends talk about how long they have been, or had been married from my widowed friends, I kind of feel cheated out of time James and I should of had together, and even a little jealous that they got to have all those years with the one they love so deeply, and it hurts.

[kayc]

I totally relate...George and I only knew each other 6 1/2 years and were married only 3 years 8 months. Some say we were in our honeymoon stage, but I knew with all that is within me, that we could have been married 50 years and STILL been in our honeymoon stage, because it's just how it was between us and had nothing to do with the brevity of our relationship. We knew each other deeper in a short few months (and "got" each other) than my XH did in 23 years of marriage!

When I hear others talk about their 40 and 50 year marriages, I feel jealous and gypped, but I also realize its not the length of years, but the quality of relationship.

[mfh]

Kay, I can understand how you would feel gypped of time with George. I feel that way and we had many many years. I also agree with you that it is the quality. You still had something most people will never know.

Mary

[kayc]

I totally realize that...when we were at church or somewhere, people would stare at us...it's as if our love was so apparent, so special, that it was noticeable. Women read romance novels because they long for what we had and they don't have it themselves.

[amw]

Kay,

That is sooooooo true! Length of time doesn't matter, quality is what counts! We both are so fortunate to understand and appriciate that about the special loves in our lives. I also agree that if we had been together for 40 or 50yrs we still would of been just as in love and felt the same honeymoonish feeling, too!