Time Does Not Seem To Heal The Pain

[luke22]

. In March of 2009 my grandfather passed away, but to me he was more like a father. My grandfather was the glue that held my family together. My grandfather was a successful business man and he made sure that my family always had everything that they needed. If there was ever a problem you could go to him and he would find a solution to the problem. If anyone stepped out of line he would be the first to put you back in line. My mother was his only daughter of his three children and she was his pride and joy and me being the only son of his daughter he kept me very close to him at all times. You could say I was his favorite of all his grandchildren. I didn’t know at the time but looking back now I see that my grandfather had choose me to take his position in the family if anything ever happened to him. My grandfather taught me everything he knew from business, how the world works, how to take on hardship, morals and ethics of how to take care of your family and how to deal with life. My grandfather knew that when he died the family would fall apart and he needed someone there to take charge once he was gone. His predictions were right. After he died the family went through tragic times, my father told my mother he was leaving and wanted a divorce 2 weeks after the death of my grandfather, my grandmother was and still is in grief stricken mourning, and my uncles began to fight and still to this day rarely talk to one another. These events then took my role in the family from me being the only child with little roles to play to the head of the family who had to comfort a grieving widow, a newly divorced mother in mourning and a boy who had to become a man to glue a broken family back together. I miss him and think about him everyday. They say that time will heal your pain, but i don't think that is correct it seems to me that I will never get over my grandfather's death but I have just started to cope with it so that I can continue my life. There will never be another person as important to me as my grandfather was.

[AnnC]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather. The saying is that time heals all wounds, but you are right -- time softens the edge of the pain, but we are not "healed" -- we don't go back to who we were before our loved one died. We are changed forever. I feel that way about my brother's and father's and husband's deaths -- I never get over them, I work over time to adjust to my changed life and learn to live with the losses. I will always cry, but as time goes on I cry less often. That's the best we can do.

[luke22]

Thank you for you reply. It is nice to hear from someone that understands what I'm going through.

[annette85035]

When mu husband died back in 1994,I had to take each second as it came to get by..and those seconds turned into minutes etc till here we're YEARS later.

I know my husband wanted me to go on,I"m still loyal to him and he will always be my husband,but I had my folks to care for and our home to care for..so I had to go on.

Your grandfaher would want you to go on-miss him,but don't ruin your life grieving for him.Take each seond as it comes and do something to pass the time.Help others-do things you enjoy..this is what he would want.

[kayc]

You say that time does not heal the pain...it has not been quite three years. It took me at least three years just to process my husband's death, and now at nearly eight years out, I am not over missing him, nor will I ever be. However, I have learned to live with it. Time has lessened the intensity of the pain. It may not feel like it when you're living your life, but when you look back and think back to the moment you first found out, you can see that you're not at that moment in time right now, it has eased a bit. We have gone to work, taken care of ourselves, made decisions, and somehow managed to live even with our loss. That first moment, that first day, that first week, we did not see how that was possible.

There are holes in my heart where my husband's presence used to fill...I miss his holding me, our interaction, talking over our day, the joy of sharing life with him. Some of the roles he filled in our household I have learned to fill myself or let go of. The house isn't as well cared for, and I have to hire someone to fix the car. But somehow all these years later I am still here. Is it the same? Not by a long shot. I still struggle with purpose, joy, and the knowledge that life "before" will never be the same "after". I am hanging in there and look forward to the day we can be together again. But am I just waiting to die? No, I experience little joys along the way, things that bring me into the present. Last night I watched "Red Dog" (Redbox rental) and cried...a beautiful true story about a dog...and I enjoyed it. This morning I gave my dog a belly rub...and not only did he enjoy it, but I enjoyed it. This weekend I will see it snow again and will enjoy the beauty. Yesterday I had Spanish Rice that I fixed for lunch, and enjoyed it. These "joys" are small perhaps but they keep me living in the here and now and it would be a shame to live so much in the past or future that I couldn't enjoy what is in the present. That is the thing I strive to do to help me through this.

[babbent514]

your right time does not heal pain. for me it seems to get harder everyday.I lost my mom and dad both within 5 months and i can't seem to get over it at all because I was the one who took care of them both.I really miss doing things for them.trying to move on but it is just so hard without them here,.