I Am Struggling Greatly

[txbarclay]

Yesterday I had to make the decision to put my dog to sleep. She was only 5 yrs old. In September we found out that she had Boxer Cardio Myopathy. Basically her heart was struggling and it would at times cause her to pass out. Since September we have been going to the vet regularly and taking meds. All seemed to be going good. Then yesterday she passed out and lost control of her bladder. I took her immediately to the vet. Throughout the day she struggled. She could barely get up. I had to make a decision and it still haunts me. I was with her the entire time. The doc assured me that this was the right decision but I am struggling mightily. I feel like I gave up on her. I am taking this extremely bad. I never thought it would be this hard. Last night my wife said I woke her up because I was crying in my sleep. I just don't know how to handle this. I know others have been through this so if anyone can give me advice on helping me I would greatly appreciate it. I miss her so deeply.

Blake

[annie2132013]

I am so sorry to hear of your deep pain, Blake. We had to put our almost three year old dog to sleep a month ago, because of an inoperable stomach tumor. The pain has been overwhelming, as I know it is for you. I keep thinking I hear her; but of course, I do not. There is no easy answer to this. Writing has helped me with my pain; I am glad that you are writing, as well. Time makes the pain a little more bearable, but nothing replaces your dog. I have cried mountains of tears; I think that helps to release your emotions and grief. Take good care of yourself, and get enough sleep. Talk with other people who understand, and know that there are many who understand your grief. You did what the vet thought was right for your dog; allow yourself to know that you did the right thing.

[MartyT]

My dear Blake, there is precious little I can say to take away the pain you're feeling now, in the wake of the death of your beloved friend. You have found your way to a very compassionate and caring group of fellow animal lovers, all of whom have been where you are (including me), and you have our deepest sympathy.

I hope when the spirit moves you, you will take some time to read through some of the threads you will find in this forum, as I think it helps to know that you are not alone in your grief. You say you don't know how to handle this, but you are handling it, most especially by having the courage to reach out for the support and understanding you need and deserve. Losing a dog you've loved so dearly is no different from dealing with the death of any other loved one: the pain you're feeling is real and your grief is but a measure of the depth of love you have for your dog. We do not mourn for those we do not love.

When you feel up to it, I invite you to see explore these resources:

Loss and the Burden of Guilt

Euthanasia: The Merciful Release

Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of a Loved One?

Saying Goodbye to Beringer

Pet Loss Articles

[txbarclay]

Thank you for the kind words. I am sorry for the loss of your animal. I too have cried more tears than i knew possible. I consider myself a ''manly man'' and I am not ashamed to cry but goodness! I didn't think I would be this bad! I know things will get better. I managed to arrange for her body to be cremated today. It took about two hours of crying to work up the nerve. I just never thought I would take it this hard. I am in a deep depression and can't even eat. Its good to talk to people who have gone through this. I think it helps a lot. We have another dog who was her best friend. She is in deep mourning as well....hasn't eaten anything or drank since it happened. I worry about her as well.

Thanks for the articles....I will definitely read them.

Again, thank you so much for your caring words. It means a great deal.

[annie2132013]

Blake, You are very lucky to have a dog at home, as we do not. Give your other dog special love and attention, as she mourns her good friend, as well as seeing and feeling how sad you are. Dogs are such a comfort in your time of grief. Let her help you with your grief, as she feels it, as well. I would spend special time with her, and try to give her some treats so that she will eat, and praise her for doing so. She needs to know that you love her, as well. Previously I had a dog when another dog died, and I felt she helped me greatly with my grief, with those beautiful eyes looking at me saying, "I am so sorry". Dogs are a special gift to us. My hope for you is that you will soon feel some peace, knowing that you did the best for your other dog.

[kayc]

You have received some good posts here, and I concur with what has already been said. You would think losing a person is the worst thing in the world, but I have found that our connection with our pets is unbelievably strong, oftentimes more so than with other humans...it is no wonder that we feel such deep pain when they pass. I believe we will be together again, and that keeps me together. Yesterday I was facing what I thought would be having to make a choice for my five year old dog...I live alone and my dog and I are best buds...I was given a reprieve, but just yesterday I was agonizing...unable to sleep or think or anything else. My heart goes out to you in your grief.

Oftentimes our inclination is to skip past the pain, to try to avoid it, numb it, anything because we feel we can't deal with it. But I found when I lost my husband that you can't circumvent it, there is only one way and that is straight through the grief. I had to learn to accept the grief and pain and continue, that if I try to avoid it, it is still there waiting for me.

As Annie said, it helps to express your grief, to write, talk, or do something to memorialize the one lost. A picture album, a framed photo, a special urn or something commemorating her. You have your wife to share in this grief, so you are fortunate not to have to face it alone. Your other dog will need special attention and understanding as they demonstrate sometimes different behavior when they're going through their grief. When my husband died, my dog Lucky, who was trained and very compliant, acted out in destructive behavior. My daughter pointed out that she was grieving too, and I think she was right. With time she was okay again, but it took her a while. During that time I was so absorbed in my own grief, I didn't see Lucky's...it took my daughter pointing it out to me. I embraced Lucky and tried to recognize her grief and give her special attention and that seemed to help her.

I think it's natural to second guess ourselves afterwards, but the fact is, the decision you made was a selfless one, thinking of her comfort and what she would experience. Five years seems way too short, but the truth is, I don't think we're ever ready to let go of our dogs, whether five or ten.

I wish you the best.

[rebbyreb99]

Blake,

First of all I am so sorry about your best friend. It has been 2 years since I like you had to make the worst decision of my life. You did what was best and that often ends up being extremely painful. You found the right place to help you through this. It still hurts but I know that one day I will see her again. I struggled for some time with that fear that I would never see her again. I now believe God will let those of us who treasure our friends be with them. I am counting on it. It is going to take some time but it will get a little easier as time goes by. Come to this site often when you are feeling sad as I felt it helped me get through some tough times.

[kayc]

rebbyreb99,

I am counting on it too! Waiting to see my husband, dogs, cats, MIL, FIL, dad, niece, nephew, many friends, grandparents...

[txbarclay]

Thank you so much for all of the kind words! It helps a lot to hear other people who have gone through the same things. Things are getting a little better each day. Still miss her but I think I always will. I too struggled with knowing if I will see her again....I was told in the past that pets don't go to heaven. I know our God is loving and I now believe that she will indeed be there with many others. That is comforting to me.

I want to thank everyone for your support during this difficult time. It has meant a lot to me and helped me tremendously.

[MartyT]

My friend, you say you were told in the past that pets don't go to heaven.

I think for most of us here, if indeed there are no pets in heaven, we wouldn't want to go there either, as it wouldn't be heaven for us unless we could be reunited with our beloved companions.

Hoping it will help, I invite you to read this article: Did My Cat Go to Heaven? ♥

[kayc]

My mom used to emphatically state that pets don't go to heaven. But you know what? I challenge anyone to come up with a scripture that states that! In facts, it says "the lion shall lay down with the lamb", so we DO know there are animals in heaven. I know God, I've known him for years! I can't imagine Him creating my pet dog Fluffy or any of the others and NOT having him there in heaven! It just would make no earthly sense. Why start over with brand new animals and NOT take the wonderful ones He's already created! (For that matter...it's easier for me to believe that these animals are making it more than some of the people I've known!) Please don't worry about it...trust your pets to be there when you get there.