ANC1117 Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Thank you all for your messages as my journey continues. Just a quick update as to my absence here over the last few months. For Christmas, my daughter Ciara booked us on a 7-day cruise of the Western Caribbean. We enjoyed our drive through Texas and left out of Galveston. Visited the ports of Montego Bay Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Cozumel Mexico. Two days after we returned, my father announced his retirement and informed me that he signed all of the company over to me. Talk about overload. I have been blessed in the work arena with several contracts, and that has allowed me to hire back some of our employees from years ago.They have helped me to share stories of Celene; she was the one who interviewed/hired/fired employees during their previous employment. During the first week of March, Ciara and I were asked to join very good friends in San Diego, California. Our friend lost her mother 6-months prior to Celene's passing, and every year they rent a place on Mission Beach's boardwalk. Her mother enjoyed Mission/Pacific Beach and would vacation there with her children/grandchildren often. Celene loved San Diego also and that brought up several emotional memories for me. I did however: wake up early every morning, made a cup of coffee, grabbed my journal, sat on the beach just feet away from the surf, and wrote to Celene about our many memories and my current issues of missing her in my life. Keeping up with Celene's annual St. Patrick's Day Party, Ciara and I invited several friends over to join us in a celebration; Celene was part Irish, so you can imagine the great party we put together every year. When Celene passed, I hired a yard guy to take care of the landscape maintenance. Lately he has been faltering, so the Saturday morning, prior to the party, I did the yard work. It was the first time in over 18-months since I last did the yard work and I found it quite therapeutic. Voices in my head echoed Celene's comments as to the way she always liked "My Way" of cutting/trimming the lawn and how nice it always looked afterward. The Tsunamis still come and go and I still find the "Pajama Days" to be refreshing for me. I still find the biggest challenges to be my longing for Celene's companionship. When I try to explain how I miss the companionship, my friends just don't get it. they think I am just talking about my "Man Desires". I'm not sure if they realize that there is a lot more to a relationship than the sex, or perhaps that is all their relationships are. Anthony My daughter Ciara and Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Anthony, Thank you for sharing that beautiful picture of you and your daughter. I can see why you haven't been here lately, you have been very busy! I'm glad you're taking time out for your "grief work"...sitting by the beach writing sounds like a perfect way to spend that time. Good luck with the company and all of the challenges that come with it. You're right, talk about overload! I'm glad it didn't happen any sooner than it did... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 What a wonderful story, Anthony. You said you were going to be busy. How encouraging to hear about all that you have been doing. I'm glad that you spent the time to write and be with your Celene. I'm glad that you are busy with work. I'm glad that you found the time to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. I like the picture. How very beautiful Ciara is. And most importantly, I am glad that you are back to yardwork and nature. Good for you. Welcome back and thank you for your uplifting journey. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Thank you Kay, I jokingly reply when explaining the new "President" title: "It may seem like a sudden business change, considering I had over 17 years to prepare myself for the day it came". Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Anne, Thank you. I worry that being very busy will not allow me enough time to grief. I can recall how early on, after Celene's passing, I consumed my time and didn't allow myself to grief. Then one day... blam zing, it hit me hard and set me back. I have found myself missing Celene more now than ever. I think it is due to the fact that she was so much of my business support and celebration. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 I think it's common that we find ourselves actually missing them more as time goes on. Things arise in our lives that we would have shared with them or turned to them for...and they aren't there to participate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Dear Kay, I think that is true. I miss Doug more now, especially it seems because I am beginning to come to life a bit more, and so the missing is not so numbed down by the layers of grief. Good point. fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Dear Anthony, Thank you for your insightful posts and your heartwarming account of your time with your daughter. I enjoyed your posts. fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 Kay, I sometimes will pick up the phone to "vent" to Celene and realize at that moment... she is gone. It usually ends with me pounding my fist and crying out why?, how come? After my moment of grief anger, I realize that she is hearing my vent, in my heart. It is my physical side that misses those moments of hardships and celebration. Fae, thank you for the kindness. I am so blessed to have Ciara in my life. She is a daily reminder of Celene, and the love we shared. Family was a big reason for our being and we loved being examples of that love for all to witness. I am amazed at how my heart is filled with joy when I hear Ciara's laughter. Perhaps knowing she is in good spirits makes my heart feel at ease. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 27, 2013 Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 Dear Anthony, I imagine that you are hearing echoes of Celene in Ciara's laughter. No wonder your heart is joyful! How precious and miraculous. What a gift to have a loving daughter to carry on the traditions of the women in the family. I am sure you delight in Ciara daily. Blessings, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 fae, She is truly a gift. I pray that she will meet a young man who will love her with the same unconditional and overwhelming love I had/have for her mother. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2013 Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 Anthony, I think that is all of our prayers for our kids...I have been blessed in that both of my kids are happily married and share the love that George and I did. George was their stepfather, and I'm glad they got to see true love demonstrated in him, my kids did not want a marriage like their dad & I had, they wanted one like George and I shared. When they've seen it, they know that is what to wait for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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