sarah90 Posted April 14, 2013 Report Share Posted April 14, 2013 I wanted to start off saying how glad I am to have found this forum. I was searching everywhere online for a pace to disclose my feelings with people who would understand my situation. Anyways, I'll continue with my story. My brother, who was 24, passed away on march 21 of last month. When I heard the news, I was in complete shock of everything. It all started when my older brother started getting this weird rash and bumps on his skins about 2 months ago now. I thought it was a boil infection, like staph but it wasn't. It turns out he had a rare fungus infection that targets the lungs once it spreads throughout the body. He first shown signs of this last year when he was in the army doing some training in the Mojave desert in California. In the desert holds this certain fungus that infects people. He was given antibiotics from the army medic and sent off back to train without a check up or to see if the fungus was out of his system. That was in March of 2012 and a year later it has spread throughout his body and killed him. Everything is so strange without my older brother. He was only a year older than me, and the last time we talked the was the my little brother took him to the hospital to get his skin problem checked out. I honestly thought he was just going for a few days, maybe a week or two at most and then come back home with some new medication to get rid of his illness. My family didn't know what was wrong with him, the doctors didn't even know what he had until it was too late. I remember when my step dad told me the horrific story about being in the ICU with my older brother, my mom, and grandma watching his pass away. Everything feels so unreal, like it hasn't happened. I didn't cry until I called my cousins to tell them the news since everyone on my moms side of the family knew already, so I had to tell my dads side. I told my older cousin that my brother died and once I heard her cry I started to hysterically myself. This all happened a few weeks back and now I'm trying to move on the best way I can. People have told me "they are so sorry" and their condolences, but even that doesn't feel like enough to satisfy my loss of my sibling I was close too. My brothers funeral was during my spring break from the college I go to, and the whole time I couldn't relax without wanted to break down and cry or sulk. Now I'm back in school again trying to stay focused in my classes to take my mind off of my family situation and people around me just don't understand. It's hard to not get upset when people are al smiley asking me "how was my spring break" or a person who considers me to be their "friend" complain to me or "vent" about a class they don't like and making it seem like it's the hardest thin in the world while knowing my brother just died. It feels like people who know me and my situation are not considerate to my feeling during this time. As if that me not showing my sorrow or pain all the time means that I'm over it. I even had this one "friend" in particular even argued with me on the phone and in person within the past 2 weeks and even blamed me for ending a previous phone conversation early because I told her I wasn't feeling emotionally well. I am baffled at the people who are so rude, and inconsiderate of others it's sickening. I still have a long way to go to feel right again. Anyways, this is just my horrible ranting and I know this is a lot to read and a novel of a post, but I had no other place to get these feelings off of my chest. Once again, I'm glad to be here with others who knows what loss feels like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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