LindaKate Posted June 2, 2013 Report Share Posted June 2, 2013 This is my 4th month of grief and a major setback..more raw pain and sadness than ever. I hope it is OK to tell my grief story here in hopes that you could share how you got through. I wonder if any of you lost your entire dreams for retirement and how you dealt with it? My husband Bill and I met our dream of owning a small retirement condo in the western state we love 4 years ago. 11 months later Bill was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and the nightmare...’Hope is given..Hope is taken away’ roller coaster began. We fought most of cancer battles in the west..far away from our home state and family house of 30 years. Treatment was much better and there were promising clinical trials. For 3 years I wrapped my life around Bill’s. I joined the pancreatic cancer action network and became his relentless medical and quality-of-life advocate every minute of every day as Bill endured surgery, then chemo, radiation, more chemo with more adverse effects. Thanks to our outstanding cancer team I kept my promise to Bill that his symptoms and pain would be well controlled. To celebrate his first ‘cancer free’ report we bought a new truck and traveled the beautiful back roads day trips. 3 years later in the midst of a promising clinical trial he became very ill and a cat scan confirmed the cancer was “everywhere”. Thank you forever to HOV I kept my second promise to Bill..he passed in my arms in our condo. Now 4 months later I am back in MI trying to take care of our house. For memorial day I went to the cemetery and fell to my knees sobbing seeing his gravestone for the first time. I’ve been back 4 times this week. I weep as I flash back over the past 3 years. I hope putting my story in words will stop the mental replays. Am I going crazy? How did any of you this? Thank you. Lindakate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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