denisew. Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 It was a rainy, actually pouring rain, September 11,2007. I was on my way to pick up the love of my life- Oliver- at the airport in RI. I was so excited to have a pal that I could do things with--like hiking, and maybe kayaking! When I got home and saw him, I "Oh,no, what did I get myself into?"--Oliver stunk, he had hardly any fur, and he looked so lost and afraid. I immediately took him to the vets and was told he had mange, ringworm, a double ear infection, and much worse, wasn't socialized at all. For the next six months we got him healthy, physically and mentally. Soon we were out hiking with my neighbor and his new bishon frise Maggie. Oliver and Maggie were the best of friends and over the next 5 years hiked many miles through some of the most beautiful parts of the state--realizing now that it wasn't so bad having Phil knocking on my door at 5:30 am wanting to get an early start! We now have the best of memories-Dunkin Donuts coffee ready for us(because we were the earliest customers!) and peanut butter crackers for the doggies! Oliver is the love of my life, he never let me out of his sight, and likewise-if I could take him - I never left him home. I always told him we were like gum on each others shoes. Of course, being a TT, Oliver could be verrry clever. During the course of his training, somehow he got me to give him the treat BEFORE he did what I wanted him to do... and it didn't start out that way!!! Then on January 2, 2013 my world crumbled. Oliver was diagnosed with lymphoma..If I did nothing he would only have 4 to 6 weeks. I started him on chemotherapy, and by the second treatment he was in remission. He did well for the most part, but one of the meds made him a little sick.He was back to his old self again and between the months of February and mid June we were back to doing what we loved best- exploring new places. On his last chemo visit, the cancer came back. He had been in remission only 4 months. I then decided that I wanted Oliver at home, not being afraid every time we went down the street the vets was on, no more poking, blood work, and meds that made him feel tired. They put him on prednisone only.It's now been about 3 weeks, and Oliver is in the final stage of the disease. I see him getting more tired every day, and he may only have about a week. I'm sick. I've been crying since January, watching my love slowly dying before my eyes. I'm so heartbroken, and I think- "how will I go on without him?" And how will he go on without me? I know when the time comes I will do what is right for him, but at the same time I don't want to lose him. How can I go to "our places" and not cry? I've been grieving, but especially dread the next week. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 My dear Denise, As I indicated to you elsewhere, my heart hurts for you as you anticipate the loss of your beloved Oliver. I know that in time you will hear from some of our members, kindred spirits and animal lovers all ~ but for now I'd like to point you to some resources that I hope will bring you some comfort and peace as you prepare for what lies ahead. Coping with Pet Loss: Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad About This? Losing a Cherished Pet: Myths and Misconceptions Coping with A Cancer Diagnosis (Excerpt from Blessing the Bridge) Facing the Loss of a Cherished Pet How Do I Let Go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted July 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 Thank you Marty, I will be sure to read this material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 13, 2013 Report Share Posted July 13, 2013 Denise, You have posted at a wonderful site and one that is populated with animal lovers. I am here because I lost my husband but I check the pet loss forum and get emails because I love animals. I am so very sorry that you have lost your buddy and companion. I have said to many people of late that the day my Bentley (Golden Retriever) dies will be another "worse day of my life" (losing my husband being the other). Our pets are part of us, for me the children I never had and offer us something no human being can offer. I live with the possibility of Bentley dying of cancer because Goldens are so prone to it and his mother died of it. I know I will do what you did and not subject him to any treatment that will make his quality of life worse. As you did you did one round of chemo and he was able to bounce back and the two of you could enjoy life again but when it reoccurred, you wisely said, "enough" as i would also do. I would do that with myself, frankly, and we did it when Bill was dying. I do know how silent your house is. I know it from losing my husband but I also know it from losing our last dog in 2000. We came home and sat and just wept... What I know of deep grief now is that we do learn how to weave it into the fabric of our lives and go on. We learn how to be transformed by it and operate and live in a world that has changed because we changed. And in time you will do the same but this loss is so new that you are still in shock. Still trying to understand that it is real. And still trying to get your head and heart around it. What you are experiencing is so normal. I can not imagine the day that my Bentley dies. He is with me day and night. In summer he can not go in the car as much as he looks longingly at me when I leave but we are joined at the heart. I reach out to you in your loss and I do understand grief and loss and the loss of a pet. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 13, 2013 Report Share Posted July 13, 2013 Denise, I am so sorry. I know how I'll feel when my Arlie's time comes...we're never ready to lose our best companion, our dog. Oliver has been so fortunate to get you for a parent, you have done all you could for him throughout his life, and given him the best life possible. I can relate as I feel the same way about my Arlie, I prefer his company to anyone's. A lot of people don't understand or agree with the commitment I have made to him, they feel it ties me down and costs me to much...my answer to them is there is nothing I'd rather be doing than spending time with him and nothing that is worth any more than he is. I am, in short, a fellow dog lover. I think you've made the right decision for Oliver...the selfless decision, to give him quality of life, selflessly, rather than dragging his life out at the expense of making him truly miserable. You are a good owner. It's my personal belief that when we say goodbye in this world, it is temporary, and we will be together again. In the pet thread there is a video on "The Rainbow Bridge", I hope you will take a look at it when the time comes you have to say goodbye...for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted July 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2013 Thank you all for your understanding and kindness. Oliver is still with me, but I do expect within the next week or so to take that "final" ride to the vets. For the past week I have been taking Oliver to our favorite hiking spot- just to let him poke around if he wants to, and sit on our favorite big rock listening to the little waterfall nearby. He is losing interest every day. The end is near, and when I think of it, my knees get weak, and I have panic. We are each other's moon and stars, but I do believe he will be in me and around me forever. Thank you all again- I feel comforted knowing others are going through the same feelings, and I hope to be able to help others in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 13, 2013 Report Share Posted July 13, 2013 Denise, I am so sorry I mis-read and assumed (incorrectly) that Oliver had died. Yes, cherish these last days. When our Buffy, Golden Retriever also, died in 2000 we were in Phoenix awaiting the delivery of our motor home. I called my friend up in Ouray CO where we had been living. She was also his vet and sobbing asked her how I would know what to do. She said, "You will know". And that we did. When it was time, we drove him back up to Ann's and as we passed the state park where he and Bill and i had walked daily he got up so we drove in and lifted him out of the car and sat on the grass...the two of us in tears. But this was familiar territory to him so I am forever glad that we did it. I do so understand what you are going through as much as another human being can understand another's pain. Many people do not get it but they have never loved a dog or had a dog love them, i guess. We are here for you. Cherish, as I know you will, these days. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted January 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 Hello everyone..I wanted to let you know that Oliver passed away August 28th of 2013. It was a Wednesday, but Oliver couldn't have had a better weekend before. My parents came to visit from Florida, and my brother and his family came from Colorado. We had a family cookout the Sunday before, with everyone making a special effort to give Oliver lots of love and attention. His passing has left a huge hole in my life, and even now, after almost 5 months, I miss him terribly. About a month after his passing, I had a dream that I was looking for him, and there he was (in my livingroom) . He put his big Tibetan Terrier paws around my neck and told me he loved me and everything was ok. From that point on, I didn't feel less sad, but was able to move forward a little bit. It was on October 23, when , on a whim, I decided to take a ride to a local shelter. There was a little silky terrier/norwich terrier mix................she was adorable, and according to the staff loved to hike! I have had her since, and she's a wonderful companion. I still think of Oliver everyday, and know he is forever in my heart and soul. Thank you all for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 Dear Denise, I am so very very sorry about Oliver. Your dream is totally amazing...he certainly came to you and let you know he was ok. What an amazing gift. And his last weekend was perfect with everyone there and him being loved up so. I am glad your new silky terrier/norwich terrier mix found you. Of course, you will think of Oliver always and yes, I believe he is forever in your heart and soul. Peace to your heart, mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Denise, I think it's so special you got a visit from him in your dream. I'm glad you found another dog to enjoy, I know you'll continue to miss Oliver in your heart, but I hope the pain lessens with each passing month. They forever brand themselves into our heart and soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted January 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Thank you..I still have days where I am very sad. I think sometimes I panic a little bit at the thought of fading memories...his joyously smiling face as he runs like the dickens through the woods...the way he looked at me when he thought I was saying the most "interesting" things... how he would "prance ' through the neighborhood because all of the ladies thought he was the cutest "teddy bear" ! I dont want to forget him or things he did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Denise, I have heard from many people of their fear of fading memories. When Bill (my husband) died, I was also afraid of that so I created two boxes. One of pictures and one of memories. Memories come to me at the oddest times so I write down what I remember and put it in one of the boxes. Sometimes if it comes as i am driving or out somewhere, I will just write a key word and then write out the memory when I can. It has helped to diminish the fear of fading memories and it has also tripped off memories i might otherwise forget. Of course, you had sad day. You lost a buddy, a friend, some one you loved so much. I reach out to you with love. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Mary, dear, I love that idea of writing down your memories of your beloved Bill whenever they come to you. I know it's not the same, but I did something similar after my own darling Beringer died. Your post sent me looking for my list, which I just found in my files ~ and I cannot tell you how comforting it is for me to read it now, more than two years after his death. It's a short list, but it's all the silly little things that I found so endearing about him, and I'm not sure I would've remembered all of them if I hadn't made the list at the time: Favorite Memories of Beringer Sitting at my feet as I ate lunch at my computer every day Wiping his face with a towel every time he took a drink Announcing himself by shaking his booty and rattling his dog tags when he wanted attention Sticking his nose in somebody’s carry-on luggage to see what leftover airline treats he could find Burying his rawhide sticks outside near a sprinkler head until they softened Bringing the dirty, dug-up sticks to me to be washed before he would chew and eat them Trying to bury his bone under the towel in his bed Digging in his water dish, getting water all over the floor Lying down while eating or drinking, especially in his later years Not taking his pill until he was good and ready to do so Copping a dignity-attitude when meeting other dogs who were too rowdy to suit him Whipping out his leg and lifting it as high as possible when he needed to mark his turf Playing chase around the dining room furniture in Fountain Hills Chasing golf carts back and forth, back and forth, beyond the fence in Fountain Hills Sleeping next to the pillows on our bed Sleeping in the French chair in the living room Sleeping between our feet on the footstool Searching for me when I left the room; not seeing me in the dark Adjusting so readily to motel rooms when we traveled across country: Wherever we were, he was home. Denise, I hope you do that with your memories of Oliver. He sounds so much like my Beringer (also a Tibetan terrier), and I'd love to see your list! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted January 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Thank you Mary.Creating a journal about Oliver's life and the memories we shared is a great idea! Writing will help keep him alive in my mind and will hopefully will help with the healing process. To be fair though, I will also start a book for my new little girl Jasmine. She's also a great companion, but different (in a good way). She will be my agility training pal! She deserves the best from me too... ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Denise, I am glad you are starting a book about Jasmine and that you will jot down some memories about Oliver. Marty, what a great list you have. I need to do that about Bentley. Did you truly wipe Beringer's face with a towel after he drank water? I laughed out loud at that one. I do clean Bentley's eyes of gook several times a day...and occasionally wipe his face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted January 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Tibetan Terriers! Oliver would "poke" the cat with his nose just to be a big tease, and see if he'd get chased through the house! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denisew. Posted January 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Marty..I'm sure reading your list brings the joy (TT joy) ! right back to mind and makes you smile. I will do the same and post some of the silly things Oliver did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Oh please do, Denise! Tibetans are still rare enough that their behavior is very true to the breed, and I'm sure many of Oliver's traits will match what Beringer used to do ~ so your list will trigger more happy memories for me. And yes, Mary, I did wipe Beringer's face with a towel ~ otherwise he'd drip all over the place. Like your Bentley, he had a very fuzzy face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 21, 2014 Report Share Posted January 21, 2014 Well, Marty, in spite of my laughing, now that I think about it, I not only wipe Bentley's mouth occasionally but also his nose when it runs sometimes, clean his ears, and wipe his eyes. They are certainly like kids and we like moms....M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 I loved the Beringer Memories! It's how it is with Arlie and I too. The memories we have, nothing can rob us of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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