GuiltHaunted Posted July 17, 2013 Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 Hello all, I found this forum through a link on http://www.relationshiptalk.net Sadly the father of my GF through 4 years died in January. After 4 1/2 months she (27 yo) broke up with me (37 yo) and immediately (the day after), started a relationship with sisters ex-boyfriend (they broke up 2 years ago, but he remained a friend of the father). The story in detail is posted here: http://www.relationshiptalk.net/gf-broke-up-after-father-died-ran-of-with-sisters-ex-gf-38040331.html Some background info on her: She had a rough growing up due to the divorce of her parents. She had a hard time in school, and got bullied by her sister and brother for that reason, she had a lot of complexes and low self-esteem. She had a depression in her late teens and took anti-depressant medicine until she was 24 (1 year into our relationship). During our 4 year relationship I helped building her up, and she got a lot more independent and self-confident. I always supported her - like when she told me she wanted to go back to study (both siblings have an education, she doesn't), but she was afraid she wouldn't be able to cope. I never doubted that she would and supported her all the way. (Her father died before she started, so now that she dumped me too, she won't be able to financially - the sisters ex is studying too). That is just one example - getting her off the anti-depressant, another... and the list is long. She had a REALLY tight relationship with her father. She always said that her world would collapse when he died. He was having a lot of problems with his heart, so although his death was somehow expected, such an event comes a shock anyway. He could have lived for another 10 years too. Like I read on so many other post here, she distanced herself from me, and I let her - because I had no idea how else to react... We had less and less communication and when we did talk, it would usually be arguments. She didn't show many emotions and I felt useless. In the last month or so she did a lot of stuff with her sisters ex-boyfriend. He helped with some practical issues (getting rid of the fathers guns, as they were both competition shooters). Mid may she broke up with me and immediately started a relationship with him. I want her back, and I know the standard advice: Go no contact, work on yourself and move on and see if she returns by herself. I doesn't help me obtain my goal by itself. I am moving forward, I do a lot of exercise, I am getting settled in my own place and I sleep and eat well (now - not in the beginning). I keep in touch with her about one a week. She never mentions her new relationship, and she doesn't know that I know who he is. What I am interested to know is: 1) What phase of grief she is in? She lost her father 6 1/2 month ago. 2) What is the normal grief period for the described relationship between an insecure girl and her father that meant the world to her? She was/still lives in his house, and after 6 months it's pretty much unchanged (was there last week to pick up my furniture that was stored there). It looks like he could walk in the door anytime still. It took her 3 months before she was able to get rid of his toothbrush. 3) I got a chance to read her text messages (bad boy, I know), and from those it seems like she is really in love with her sisters ex. Their communication resembles how she wrote me when we started dating 4 years ago. At the same time, she wrote a friend she wished she was dead (she has a lot of problems keeping the fathers house financially). What can her new boyfriend expect at this point? (or rather, how long will it last). I figure I got the anger stage, and she broke up with me to escape reality with the feeling of being in love and at the same time find a refugee with someone who knew the father better that me? I know no one can give a definitive answer to any of the questions, but I would be interested in hearing your takes. Thanks for taking your time to read all this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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