Mary1063 Posted October 29, 2013 Report Share Posted October 29, 2013 Hello friends. It is the wee morning hours at 12:41am here officially the 29th... Five months since losing Leo. My husband is typing this as I am just in so much physical pain from my knee surgery Friday. As well as loopy and nauseated from morphine. I'm hating the morphine, though it is necessary for any kind of pain control. My heart is very heavy and I'm just feeling very numb and having a hard time comprehending that it has been five months already since Leo passed. And Shannon should be here to grieve with me. Though they are together now. It's just so surreal and I think maybe the surgery, pain, and meds are magnifying things. I just don't know. All I know is I feel so displaced, numb, yet heavy hearted. I'm trying to eat a little for my 1am dose of morphine. I hope to get to sleep soon. Dozing is the best I do with this pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 29, 2013 Report Share Posted October 29, 2013 Mary, It seems hard to believe it's been five months already...one of the hard things to comprehend to me was that time and life continues when my husband did not, it's hard to understand how that can be when he was such a vital person! You'd think the world would not go on. I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much pain, inside and out. I am VERY glad you have your husband. That and Little Dog sounds like the redeeming features of your life right now. Undoubtedly everything put together is making it harder, as you say, magnifying things, I'm sure this is true. As hard as it is to believe, you will get through this. You probably will never be the same again, but you will get through this and we emerge changed but also with a new depth to us than we'd have had if we had not experienced these very hard places. Try to sleep...still praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2013 Thanks sweet Kay, My heart aches that you and many here have had to see life pass while your soulmates have left this world. I don't pretend to understand that horrific pain. Other than witnessing Shannon's immense pain when Leo passed. And it is so sad and surreal too that Shan succumbed to her cancer battle while never really having any chance to grieve for my brother... Had she had that proper chance, I feel in my heart that she would have survived her own battle. It's just a double whammy of grief now. Yes, I'm headed back to close my eyes again after pain meds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 29, 2013 Report Share Posted October 29, 2013 She would have coped but never fully recovered...for her sake I'm glad she didn't have to endure any more suffering than she already had in her young life, no one should have to bear what she did with the loss of her mother the way she lost her at such a young age, and the loss of her husband, and her physical infirmities. Second only to your suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 30, 2013 Report Share Posted October 30, 2013 Hello Mary, I hope that with each day passing you are beginning to feel better and the pain is slowly subsiding. Right now, it seems like you have some healing to do and with the support you have of your husband and Little Man you will be gradually moving toward healing. I know you have your brothers and Shannon always in mind. I continue to think of you and keep you close to my heart. Keep letting us know how you are doing when you wish and just know that we are with you on this journey you are taking. (((((hugs))))) Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 So today is your birthday Mary - Happy Birthday to You. I hope you are beginning to feel better. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 Hi Anne, No, the 1st was my birthday. Not sure why it's saying the 31st. But thanks. In horrible pain. And I have a pretty high pain threshold. And I'm just hating the pain meds. I saw my grandsons before they went trick or treating. I can't believe they are this big yet. They grow up too fast. I still can't believe my baby boy is 28! Night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 Happy Birthday! (Oct or Nov 1?) Us Fall babies have to stick together! I'm glad you got to see your grandsons, they're so adorable in their halloween costumes. What kid doesn't love trick or treating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 I turned 50 October 1st. Still don't know why it showed up as the 31st. Doesn't matter... I'm 50 but feel 80 right now sadly. This knee recovery is going to be grueling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 Actually I looked in my profile just now and when I set up my account I put 31 not 1... Of Oct. Guess grief and dismay fried my brain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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