AllMyFault Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 I lost my Sheltie of 18 years on Saturday. Like I have done 3-6+ times a day for the last 18 months (I recently moved to this new house), I let him out unattended, even though I live about 30 feet from a highway. He was old, moved slow, and had never gone down the driveway (toward the highway). He hardly ever went 10 feet from the door. I left him unattended because I wanted him to be outside for as long as he liked, not just for a few minutes at a time. He would scratch at the door when he wanted back in. However, a couple days ago, my boyfriend told me he had let out my dog and later found him near the mailboxes, RIGHT next to the highway. We agreed we would watch him from that point forward. We would never let him be out alone. But I was so stupid. Saturday morning, I let him out as usual. I intended to keep an eye on him from inside…but I forgot about him. I forgot about my precious dog. My dog got hit three houses down the road, much further from the house than he had EVER gone before. He must have walked along the grass lawn first, then wandered into traffic. It would have taken him a while, because he didn't move very fast. If I had remembered him just 5 minutes sooner, I could have saved him. As it was, I was running up to the highway looking for him when he was hit. I can't imagine why he went off like that, or where he thought we was going. I hate myself for what I did to him. I am so sorry and so ashamed. In his prime, he would have never gone into the road, but he had grown confused in old age, and I knew it. He had been going downhill over the last year, and I had been mentally trying to prepare for putting him down, but I never imagined it would be like this. I took him to the vet on Saturday immediately after he was hit, and they advised euthanasia, which I agreed to. It was definitely the right thing to do, considering his injuries. But letting him wander alone outside…the mailbox incident was a warning that I didn't deserve, but even that didn't make a difference. I am so devastated. How can I live with myself, knowing what I did to this sweet old dog who I loved SO much? I always considered myself a great owner to this dog, and he helped me through so many rough points in my life. My family members always said he was living for so long because we loved each other so much. I was maybe 9 years old when I got him, and we went through so much together. He was a big part of my identity, and I was so proud of our connection. My dear Sheltie deserved so much better than this. Now life is going on as usual all around me, and I just can’t take it. I did something so horrible, and there will never be anything I can do to make amends. I am grieving so much just having lost him, but I know that eventually that grief will fade. He was very old, and we had shared so many great times. And his best years were definitely behind him. But, beyond my grief at his loss, I don't know how I'll be able to bear this guilt for the rest of my life. I had plans to get another dog in the future, after my current dog had passed away, but now it hurts to even think about. Why would a careless owner like me deserve to have another dog? He would be alive RIGHT NOW, today, if I had been a better owner and caretaker to him. I am so, so sorry... I hate myself so much for this, for taking the life of one of the best things that ever happened to me. I loved him with my whole heart. He needed me to protect him, and I wasn't there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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