Missing My Sister

[Littlesister001]

Cheryl was 5 years older than I am when she passed away on November28, 2013, shortly after her 64th birthday. She died of stage 4 uterine cancer, which was diagnosed in June 2012 through a routine Pap smear. She was my best friend, confidante, and role model. Although we lived 2 1/2 hours away from each other, we talked every day -- often multiple times. I have another sister who is 10 years older and 2 brothers who are 6 and 12 years older. None of them had the same close relationship with my sister that I had, although they all loved her dearly, as does our mother. Cheryl and I often joked that we were each other's other self. I could go on forever explaining how close we were but I thin you get the point. She was married to her high school sweetheart for nearly 44 years. During 2013 I spent a large amount of time helping him care for her and taking her back and forth to doctor appointments, chemo, radiation, etc. I have comfort in knowing that I was there for her and she knew how much I loved her.

However, I can't seem to go on without her. There is a huge hole in my heart and I miss her so much it's like a physical pain. Her husband is the same way and we can't talk to each other without crying. My husband doesn't know how to help me and I don't know how to help myself. I cannot fathom life going on without her.

[kayc]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I have four sisters and a brother, so I can relate to the closeness of the relationship, us girls have always been close and we talk on the phone often, get together once a month, etc. I know I will start losing them any time, and I have no idea how I'll handle it. I already lost my husband 8 1/2 years ago, that's enough.

I can only tell you to take the best care you can of yourself, because that helps your brain function at it's best and gives you the best chance at coping. Also, take one day at a time, try not to think about "the rest of your life" as it looms too overwhelming. I've learned to focus on what good there is in life, no matter how small, and that helps me to maintain positive focus, something that is often difficult when you're grieving. Recognizing that you will never stop missing her and the grief will be ongoing but will change form as you begin to adjust...it won't always maintain this level of intensity/pain.

It helps to express yourself and lend voice to your emotions. You might want to consider joining a grief support group, you can contact hospice through your local hospital to find one. It helps to know you are not alone and there are others going through the same thing.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you'll continue to come here and voice yourself. There will be others that will respond shortly.

[enna]

I am so very sorry for your loss. The pain of having lost your sister comes through in your writing. We know that those we love do know when we are able to give them that special care while they are ill.

It is important that you take care of yourself. Grieving is very difficult work. Work that cannot be done alone. I do hope you find a grief counselor who will guide you through this most difficult time.

You are here and we do understand what grieving is all about. Sharing is a big part of the healing process. Reading about loss does help us understand that what we are experiencing is very normal. Our moderators will be able to direct you to specific articles that could give you some comfort.

You will go on, dear one, because that is what we do. That is what your sister would want you to do. Your love for your sister will give you that courage you need.

Anne

[mfh]

I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. It sounds like the two of you had a wonderful relationship. And I know how difficult it is to lose someone you are so close to. The suggestions made by Kay and Anne to take care of yourself physically (with rest and good food and a walk each day) are important.

You might also wish to spend some time reading posts in the loss of a spouse. You lost someone with whom you had daily, sometimes, many times a day contact and some of the posts there will speak to that. Here is a link from www.griefhealing.com (Marty's site) to articles that you might also find helpful: http://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-sibling-or-twin.htm

I believe that Kay and Anne's suggestion to work with a trained grief counselor and/or a grief support group will also be helpful. Sitting face to face with someone who understands grief is truly a helpful choice. See if there is a Hospice center near by and call them or stop by to get information on grief support groups and grief counselors. And coming here is something I believe you will find helpful. This is a caring group of people and most, if not all, of us have wondered exactly what you wonder i.e. how do I go on without that person I love so much. We understand and are here for you.