Missing Simba Posted September 1, 2014 Report Share Posted September 1, 2014 My therapy dog Simba was a picture of health, we thought. He was 9 and active. No medical issues. On the day he passed he sat with me on the couch, normal morning. It was late April in indiana and was a nice day. He went outside with his brother and sister and they got bored and came in. I called all three and he came running to the back patio but did not come inside with them. This was normal. He loved being outside. He looked at me and it was like he said " mommy I want to stay outside". I said ok, go play and off he went in the yard doing his thing. It was not too hot, he had water and had eaten normally that day. Few hours later I went to call him for dinner. He did not run to the door like normal. I called out to my husband in another part of the house and said ' is the fence open, Simba's gone' but I had a feeling it was worse. I had felt for weeks the reality of a 9 yr old 95 pound purebred labrador nearing the end, an unknown end in terms of years. I told my husband I was nervous but he reassured how healthy he was and had just been to the vet. He was so healthy and looked young, played ball, walked everyday, swam in the lake. Not one broken bone! The day I dreaded my entire time with him was there, April 22, 2014. I ran outside and found him lying under his favorite tree in dirt. I got there and started CPR but it was too late. He looked normal but his tongue was out and blue. His eyes were starring. Giving him CPR was moving air through a body with no life. He was gone. You could tell. We had taken doggie CPR it but was too late. I think again and again how long was he down, did he cry for help, was there struggle, and of course, could I have saved him? Vets were closed and the emergency clinic is hours away. I called my husband for help and he came running and said 'noooo'. He words are stuck in my head 'Simba no' ... We were having a hard time in our marriage and Simba was our baby, our rock, our glue. For me it felt like the end of a marriage and loss of my rock. But my husband saw it as a new being to get through our problems. With Simba, he was a very proper and clean dog. At his resting place, there was no sign of struggle. We found his last bowel movement, in his normal potty spot, it was normal. No vomiting. His airway was clear, no sign of chocking. He was lying down normal and comfortable. No sign of falling, seizure movement, nothing. He had not rolled around or seemed to use his paws reaching or demonstrating struggle signs. It's like he laid down to take a nap and that was it. It is not the same without him. I hurt everyday inside. But I find joy and comfort in my other babies too Nala and Bucky. See pic. I tried to get help from my dr saying I lost my dog of 9 years trained as my therapy dog and I am very sad. My doctor said how long had it been and it was about 3 weeks and she said ' your dog died 3 weeks again, you should be over it by now.' No depression or anxiety help, just get over it. Also I am not in a position to get another dog as I have two I love and financially. This was also suggested to me by a person who helps with grief. Just go get a new dog. I don't think Simba is replaceable. Why can't that be understood. This has caused so much grief that I cannot image losing the two alive, well, young, and whom I love dearly. Now I feel fear over my 5 year old and the day it is her time. She is a gem. I love her and her and Simba were best buds. She knows the area where his ashes collar leash and thing are and she pays respect on her own several days a week without prompting. I have two babies, Nala and Bucky. They though didn't have the therapy training Simba did but they do things like he is guiding them. I don't feel Simba left me alone. He made sure the other two were going to be there. Why I had a therapy dog, is I have a rare bone disease and he was an emotional and physical trained home helper. Any advice on how to not feel like a part of heart is gone and that I lost my best friend would be great. Growing up in the funeral industry death and grief is second nature. Put with human loss everyone understands and does and says things that seem to help. But with dogs, it takes someone special to relate and offer guidance. For a lot of people there is not relating to my hurt. No one knows why that normal day was his last. He has been cremated and is in my bedside table. One day we will buried together on earth and together in spirit in heaven. I am not super religious but I have and idealistic thought I call heaven where I will be reunited with all those gone before me. My first thought with Simba was who will feed him dinner tonight, he hasn't eaten. My recently passed Grandpa, who loved dogs, popped into mind. But I never thought who will feed grandpa, maybe because he can do it himself. But I worried who is there for Simba. Then my friend gave me the rainbow bridge poem, but it sounds like Simba would not be with grandpa. I looked in the Bible, what?? dogs aren't in that heaven. My heaven is a much more wonderful place,with no boundaries. Simba is with my grandpa I am sure and both are well taken care of and watching over me for sure. That reunion will be special but I fear my human brain with forget him as I age and that hurts me so bad. I want to remember the love and joy he brought on earth until the day I lay down to move into my next place which is my version of going home, to Heaven. I also read about world religions, just for enjoyment, and I am saddened by buddhist reincarnation. What a joy if Simba's spirit is there somewhere on Earth, but his he a person, animal, what. Will I ever see something and think Simba? This is only my basic understanding about reading about this so I could be wrong. But I fear not knowing where he is and if he is taken care of. With my Heaven, he is eating his favorite thing, butter. Grandpa is petting him. And the two are a hoot just like on earth. Was my Simba hurting and no one knew? Was it his time and when the master calls you go? Did he think, don't take me away from my Mommy. Did he suffer, reach for me, need me or was it fast? So many questions with no answers. Missing my baby Sim. And as I said and say every night "love you Simba,Nala, and Bucky." Please help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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