Faith Still There But...

[Donnacas]

I believe in God. I believe Jim is in heaven and I intend to be there with him one day. I couldn't go on if I thought we would never be together again. So I do have some faith. But right now, the whole 'pray and trust in God' thing kind of makes me want to run the other way. I guess you could say that I'm a bit angry with God right now. He has taken away my Love from me. I don't want to turn away from him or anything like that, it's just that right now, if He was in physical form, I just don't think I would have much to say to him. I don't know if any of that makes sense or not. It isn't like I'm raging against Him or anything extreme. I'm just not able to glory in Him at this time. Someone gave me a little pamphlet yesterday about death of a loved one. I had a look at it but then gave it back and told the person thank you but they should save it for someone who could get some peace from reading it. Right now, I just can't find any comfort in prayer or my beliefs. Again, I do still believe, there just isn't any serenity in my belief.Anyone else go through this?

[SadLynn]

Donnacas,

What you are saying is what I felt and said 2 months ago. I was extremely angry with God and for about 2 weeks I stopped talking to him. I know you are not turning away but just being silent. I do know that God understands and will continue to talk to you anyway. He has spoken to me in so many ways that were hard for me to ignore that I finally started talking again. Mondays are always difficult for me and make me very sad and lonely. But today is Tuesday and I start anew and make myself smile. It is hard but I also know that if God was not holding me up I would not still be here. I feel your pain as my own, but I know that you will stop being mad at God. God loves you as he loves me. He loved my husband so much that he took him home and that was my husbands biggest desire. Just like you, I know that he is in heaven with his Lord and that one day I will meet him there, but it does not change the fact that they are not here with us. We just have to learn to accept it which is a very long and painful process and God understands that and is there with you the whole way. I know it is so easy to say these words, but know that I am very aware of how hard it is for both of us. Just remember that I am here for you to talk to along with everyone else. I know that talking about our loss is the most important thing you can do to be able to keep sane and moving forward one inch at a time. I pray for you to have some moments of peace.

Your sister in Christ.

Donna (Sadlynn)

[MartyT]

You asked if anyone else has gone through this, my dear, and I can assure you that the answer is Yes. Death of a loved one turns our world upside-down, challenges our assumptions and leads us to question everything we've ever been taught to believe. See, for example, Spiritual Reactions to Loss and What If I'm Angry at God Because of a Death?

[kayc]

Absolutely! I think I felt like that for about a year. It shook me to the core. It took a long while to realize God was still there and wasn't the cause of my pain.