I Don't Think I'll Make It Thru This

[Guest Guest_Deborah_*]

I have just found this site, sitting here alone tonite, trying to find some comport. My fiance died Nov. 16th and I still cannot accept this. I am lost. It feels like friends and family are expecting too much from me with Christmas coming. I want the world to stop, just like my life has. He was only 49 and his birthday was the next day. We've been together 14 years and were each others lives. I don't know how to do this. I don't want to do this without him.

[Bebekat]

I'm glad you found this site. It has a been a great comfort to me knowing I can come here any time and there are others who know what I am going through. We're the only ones that seem to "get it". The others want us to get over it. I am so sorry for your loss.

[qbee817]

I am so sorry for the loss of your fiance. It is so recent for you, I know the pain is unbearable. People just don't understand. Maybe I didn't either before I went thru this unbearable, horrible grief. I went thru the holidays last year just wanting it all to go away. I did not deal with it in a healthy way and hit rock bottom. There's nothing I can say to make you feel the least bit better but thank goodness for the support we all get thru this site.

Take care,

Vicki

[~Fi~]

My husband Carl died on November 16 as well - he had turned 49 the week before and we had been together for nearly 14 years. When I read your post it was like reading about myself!

I know what you are going through - or very close. I have good days but many more days when I don't think I can go on without him. He was my best friend and I know no one else "gets me" like he did.

Life right now seems like just a matter of going through the motions. I'll zone out and wonder what I'm doing but I tell myself "just put one foot in front of the other" and I manage to keep going.

I hope you find some comfort in this site - I know I do. I'll be thinking of you over the holidays.

Fi

Carl's Memorial Website

[Guest Guest_Deborah_*]

Thank you all for replying to my message. I'm not even sure if I responding correctly as I am new at this. Larry was my life, he had been ill a long time and over four years waiting on the transplant list. We fought every day to keep him well and I researched and begged and pleaded with the doctors but I could not save him and I can't accept this. We never believed for a minute that we would not spend our lives together. We knew he would get a transplant and we could go on with our plans. He was the most courageous person I have ever met. He was my strength, my best friend, my support and I don't want to start my life over without him. How do you do this?? I keep telling people, you don't understand what this feels like. I feel like an alien. People just look at you and nod. I feel so alone.

[debr88]

Dear Deborah,

I'm sorry you have to be on this site.But,I'm glad you found it.I hope we can give you some comfort here.My fiance,Steve died on October 21st after a 6 month battle with brain cancer.His death has been devastating...I've been walking around in a fog for two months,wondering how I'm going to live the rest of my life without him here.There has been times when life just didn't seem worth living...the pain can be too much to handle.I try to think of all the good times we had together.The laughter.Memories of Steve keep me going.People here have been great too.WaltC gave me links some good websites..one of them was www.centerforloss.com. I ordered a book from them,it's titled Healing Your Grieving Heart,by Alan Wolfelt.I found it very helpful.There's nothing people can say to make you feel better...a huge part of you life is gone.We just have to learn to help ourselves get through the pain.I hope this site helps you.Just remember we are all here to help each other through....if you every feel you need an ear,please post a message.

Take Care,

Deb

[charlieslove]

Wow! That is too strange to read of other people's losses happening on the same day that mine did. I lost my husband on 11/16/2004, so I've done MY first year. Charlie was 46 years old and we had been together for more than 20 years. This holiday season has been a lot worse than last year. Last year I was just going thru the motions - I don't even remember last Thanksgiving, my birthday or Christmas. THIS year is a different story. The pain has really set in! So when people say that it will be different after your "first year", they are very correct!!! I hear that if you get through "all the firsts" it gets easier. I'm not too sure that that is a true statement. I guess in some respects it's easier - you learn to accept the fact that you are by yourself, but it's still so painful. Charlie and I did everything together. We were best friends and truly loved each other! You hear of so many unhappy people - that would LOVE to get rid of their mate....not me. We loved being with each other. We didn't have to DO anything....just being together was enough.

My heart and my thoughts are with you. Keep your chin up and you WILL get through this. Not OVER it, just THROUGH it. Keep them in your thoughts and your heart and maybe light a candle for them at the dinner table on Christmas.

There is also a website called www.gratefulness.org where you can go and light a candle. It's pretty cool - I lit one for Charlie on Nov. 16th.

Thoughts to all of you this holiday season. Missing my best friend, Charlie. I love you with all my heart, all my life and beyond.

Patti

Charlie

06/10/58 - 11/16/2004