39 Weeks Of Hell

[WaltC]

Wednesday – January 11th, 2006

It is 39 weeks today since my Jeannie died and I am really feeling quite low. Is there any end to this freaking misery or shall I be this way until I can be back with her again?

It is about 40 degrees outside tonite – quite warm for January in this part of the country. I decided maybe a nice walk might help to ease the pain. So I found my portable MP3 player that is loaded with the Anne Murray songs that Jean and I listened to together in Palliative Care at this time last year and headed out.

One thing good about walking at night is that you can cry all you want and no one knows. You can also talk to yourself and your loved one without “bothering” anyone else.

Some of the songs were also songs played at Jeannie’s funeral service so they brought back some sad memories also.

Overall the walk and talk was helpful to me – to realize what a great life that I had with my Jean! However, I sit here typing knowing that a significant part of me died last April. My only consolation is my belief that because I live on, part of Jeannie lives on with me. She’s right here in my heart!

I feel compelled to share these thoughts with you because I feel that you are true friends who can understand this “insanity”.

Thanks for being here ((((((((All))))))))

[kayc]

I do understand...hey, I still "talk to" George, I look at his picture and think of him, I try to picture his hugging me in my mind...and ocassionally I still wear his bathrobe when I need comfort.

[SusanY]

Walt, just know that she was walking beside you and knows what your feelings are. Your continuing to live and try are a testament to your shared love.

Wednesday – January 11th, 2006

It is 39 weeks today since my Jeannie died and I am really feeling quite low. Is there any end to this freaking misery or shall I be this way until I can be back with her again?

It is about 40 degrees outside tonite – quite warm for January in this part of the country. I decided maybe a nice walk might help to ease the pain. So I found my portable MP3 player that is loaded with the Anne Murray songs that Jean and I listened to together in Palliative Care at this time last year and headed out.

One thing good about walking at night is that you can cry all you want and no one knows. You can also talk to yourself and your loved one without “bothering” anyone else.

Some of the songs were also songs played at Jeannie’s funeral service so they brought back some sad memories also.

Overall the walk and talk was helpful to me – to realize what a great life that I had with my Jean! However, I sit here typing knowing that a significant part of me died last April. My only consolation is my belief that because I live on, part of Jeannie lives on with me. She’s right here in my heart!

I feel compelled to share these thoughts with you because I feel that you are true friends who can understand this “insanity”.

Thanks for being here ((((((((All))))))))

[Frank]

I think that walking helps Walt, I do the same, alot of walking and talking. I think people must look at me funny sometimes as I'm just talking to Cherie and there is just air there. I take several walks a day as of late, when I feel the urge to talk to her and ask for her advice on something. Gets me out and usually makes me feel somewhat better.

Anyway, thanks for everything you all write here, makes me understand that I am not the only one that feels and acts the way I do right now.

[Bebekat]

I'm glad you have found walking to be helpful. Even though your Jean has died, she will always be with you. You will always love her. You will always miss her. Don't ever be ashamed of that. It's just different now.

I want you to know that even though I don't write often, I read the new posts daily. Just know that I understand how you feel. I just tend to be a quiet person who doesn't always have something to say.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[charlieslove]

Yep, walking is a good thing! My husband and I used to walk every night with our dog (she went a year before I lost him), so when I go for a walk it's always sad. I don't have either one of them now.... BUT you're right! No one knows you're crying. (Especially this time of year 'cause it's dark). And yes, I look up at the sky and the stars and talk with Charlie. I live out away from the city lights and since the sky is clear the majority of the time here in Arizona there are lots of stars to see.

Walt, we've all had or are having OUR 39 weeks of hell, so we completely understand!! Just hang in there with us and we'll all get through this. As they say....misery loves company. I know I'm glad I have all of you!!!!!

Thanks!

My thoughts are with all of you!!!!!

Patti

(Dear, I love you with all my heart! 6/10/58-11/16/04)