annew Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Well, it's clear, the grief just never ends.....missing his loving caring nurturing physcial presence so much even though I can hear him in my heart and it seems he must be in the other room and in ways he never left...........and still, my heart just breaks over and over. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Annew I hope you find some peace on this day. It is such a lonely journey isn't it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 I, too, hope you find some peace in this day. Our 33rd anniversary is today and these once happy days are so hard to bear alone. Perhaps they are just in the next room. If only we could see them. Life becomes more reminders now instead of building new memories. In all this time, I still have never gotten used to that and doubt I ever will. Take good care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 5 hours ago, annew said: Well, it's clear, the grief just never ends.....missing his loving caring nurturing physcial presence so much even though I can hear him in my heart and it seems he must be in the other room and in ways he never left...........and still, my heart just breaks over and over. I wish as happy heavenly birthday to your beloved one as possible this way,with the most beautiful memories of you two,forever!Your beloved one is still with you,walking by your side and never leaving you alone.Love never ends. Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Thank you, Brad. It's good when someone understands...and doesn't run off some kind of way, hahaha.... It's been over two years and the loneliness is still so strong. I love him so very much. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Thank you, Gwenivere.....much love and care for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Gwen - I hope you also find some comfort and peace if possible. I know what a struggle the past several weeks/months have been for you and I want you to know how much I understand. Your Steve was such a remarkable person in your life and the emptiness and loneliness is so overbearing at times. May you find some contentment if only for today. It is not the same I know but know there are many here who love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Thank you, Janka....it so helps to be so well heard and understood. Sometimes it seems others have completely forgotten my loss and feelings or I should be done now.... Doesn't feel that way at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Annew- There are some of us who had a love so complete and so deep that there may well never be a time when we will be done or ready to move on. I know, for myself, I will treasure the love I had and will always know how fortunate I was to have a woman as remarkable as Deedo was chose me to be her soulmate. As rich and fulfilling as our love was it is also the reason we hurt so deeply. And for many of us that love and that hurt will never go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 I don't need to move on so much as I need more friends who get it....I am alone way too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 That is a continuing problem for me, that's why I'm here so much. I have my friends I'll chat with when I don't want to focus on grief because they really don't understand and so we avoid the issue all together. But very few people do understand so I am here several times a day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Yes, I haven't posted in a while but I am glad I did, it's so good not to have to explain so much and just be open with how I feel....and not have anyone try to fix me or make me happy....or whatever. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 I remember you, I'm glad you're here. Those of us here were the fortunate ones with the wonderful marriages and can never forget our spouse no matter how much time goes by. It helps to know there are others here that understand. We may get by with wearing a mask to the world, but here we can bare our souls in comfort. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 6 hours ago, Brad said: May you find some contentment if only for today. It is not the same I know but know there are many here who love you! Thank you, Brad. It is a day much like any other. Another added to the count of days without him. I thought about getting something special for dinner, but usually emphasizing a special day backfires on me later. Best to just accept the the typical yearning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Gwen, 33 years...we were only married 3 years, 8 months. I was just thinking tonight, we were supposed to grow old together, we figured at the very least we'd be married 20 years or more! Anniversaries are hard...a day that should be full of celebration, a day that we should be together. My thoughts are with you tonight. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 8 hours ago, annew said: I don't need to move on so much as I need more friends who get it....I am alone way too much. I don't know when you hardest times are, but waking and nights are the worst for me. There are just some hours that no one can fill for me like he did. Watching the clock slowing tick by is like torture sometimes. The friend thing is tough. I never had many, but there are less now. A lot is people are pretty much settled into their own lives. I also think we scare people with our realities they don't want to think about happening to them. It was also something I never counted on needing. I had everything I needed right here. Trying to connect with people now is hard as they have so much to do as thier lives are continuing on and full. I do volunteer work, but I sure miss social things, tho mine were 95 or more percent with or thru Steve. Kay, thank you for caring post. 3 or 33, it's the depth of that love that matters. I truly wish you had more time with yours. You had such a long wait to find him. I feel you were really cheated. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Thank you, so much, Kay.....you are most unforgettable, so kind and such a big heart that radiates so much love. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 9 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I also think we scare people with our realities they don't want to think about happening to them. It was also something I never counted on needing. I had everything I needed right here. This resonated so well with me. Once I met Deedo didn't need to maintain friends; all I wanted was to be with her. Now I find myself resisting socializing because everyone we know are couples and I feel like I'm invited out of pity. Oh well, one day at a time. Stay focused on the present. Try to find positives in every day. Those are my goals right now. Socializing will come later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 I never really had many close friends. Seems there was only ever one at a time. I would meet other women along the way, but something would always end it, often them finding a guy. I never thought much about the need for another confidant. I know I was very hurt when my closest friend became distant after having a child 20 years ago. The child is now on her own, but my friend never returned. I have connected with my childhood friend and it is a tight bond as we also spent time in our formative 20's discovering life. What is hard is she is in another state so we talk by phone. It would just be nice to have someone I could actually see and spend some time with. I've always noticed couple since the loss, but now I see friends just walking and talking and yearn for something like that. I notice the difference in days I have my volunteering vs. days it has been anonymous encounters from shopping or errands. Always feel lonelier those nights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted January 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 We did the same, Brad....when you live with your best friend, having a lot of socializing is a poor second. It's good we can chat here about what we really feel and it's so much easier than those that don't get it so well. Both of us are/were naturally introverted and so shared so much same interests.....and then he got sick and our life went with him.....I don't feel like I made any mistakes and I am mostly lonely for him. I have friends, close and who seem to get me and an adult son. Hey, maybe when you come down to the valley again, Brad, we can get some coffee and tell me about Deedo........or not. It's all good either way, I know these are such intense confusing times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Annew, my thoughts are with you. I too know what it is like to just stare at the door waiting for it to open and have him walk in from the other room. This loneliness is engulfing. I hope you find a measure of comfort in your friends and family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted February 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Thank you, Amy. Your kind words are so very welcome now..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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