Normal bereavement behavior?

[Nikki D]

I lost my first, beloved Greyhound unexpectedly on February 10th,  2 days before his 5th Gotcha day with us, 2 days after my birthday. He was only 7.

Kuranosuke was (or seemed to be) very healthy dog, never got sick except maybe 3 or 4 occasions his tummy got upset but got better the next day without even going to a vet. He did grow histiocytoma on his foot shortly after we adopted him, which was completely benign but we surgically removed it. 

One morning on February 1st, he refused to eat his breakfast, which he'd never done. Only in 10 days after this first symptom, we had to lay him to rest... It was such a shocking and devastating event. He was our first Greyhound. He was my velcro dog. He was very special in many way. Very smart, gentle, loved people more than his own species.

It has been a month and 2 weeks. Many negative feelings of regrets, guilt, and blame... have been going through my head, while I understand there is nothing we can do now, and I have to agree that perhaps we did everything we could do trying to save him. I thought I was coping with it pretty well... until spring came around. You would think spring can cheer me up, it used to since I hate cold weather... until this year. Kura loved outside and going for rides and walks. In spring we did lots of them. And this year I was planning to take our dogs to some battlefields with us when spring comes and I was really looking forward to it. Every day I think of how he would enjoy this weather and burst into tears. A few days ago, while I was vacuuming, I saw his fur here and there around the house and felt guilty for sucking them up - It felt like I was deleting his existence. It was too hard, I cried a lot and took me all day to do the task in this tiny house. I still can't wash his blankets and linens (Good thing is that Greyhounds don't smell bad), I am afraid his scent and fur will disappear. I wake up with those negative thoughts during the night with hot flashes and sweat. I'm not sure it's symptom of menopause as I am 52... Every now and then my hands and feet get cold sweat, as they did when I was so nervous on the night/early morning before his passing. I lost interest in reading and studying which I enjoy - I haven't gone back to that ever since. I couldn't eat for the first week or so but was able to start eating and now I have craving for sweet stuff. I've become irritable with people, especially with my daughter who has 2 young children and lives very close to us. I don't have much motivation to do things, I sort of have to force myself to do the chores around the house and running errands like grocery shopping. I'd rather be sleeping, and be dreaming in order to escape, I guess, from reality...

Are these normal behavior? Will they go away as time passes? or am I suffering some type of depression?

[Nikki D]

I know this is very long but I just put it here for those who are interested in knowing what happened.

On February 1, Kura refused his breakfast for the first time. I thought he was having a tummy trouble. He seemed a little sad a few weeks prior to that but I thought it was because of the weather - it had been cold and we had some snow, too. We weren't able to walk as much… he loved his walks. Besides, he just had his every 6 month wellness checkup just a month ago, on December 31, and everything (including blood work, fecal and urine tests) looked good and normal. 

I started the boiled chicken and rice with pumpkin diet as I normally did when he had tummy troubles. He was a healthy dog and only had 3 minor tummy trouble during his 4 years with us and he was better within a day or so. But this time didn't get better. He ate some but not much. Feb 3, I took him to the vet. They started out with a treatment for stomach infection with antibiotic and said that if he didn't get better in two days, bring him back. He continued to refuse, even rotisserie chicken, tuna fish, food he never had before. I took him back on Friday the 5th. The vet who checked him this time felt something tight on his side and suggested leaving him there for x-rays. She called me that afternoon that the x-rays showed a mass/enlarged spleen and she suggested we do fine needle aspiration (FNA) with ultrasound to better locate the mass and find out what it is. When we went to pick him up later that afternoon, the vet who saw him earlier was in surgery so another vet came out to talk to us about the next step. She told us whatever he has didn't look good and for some reason she objected FNA and ultrasound and instead an exploratory surgery on Thursday. She said she would be on duty on the weekend so she could assist us if we need it. I was in shock. This boy was as healthy as he could be. The situation seemed serious but I couldn't swallow it... I contacted the sighthound specialist for consultation because sighthounds are different from other breeds. The specialist recommended FNA with ultrasound, just as the first vet suggested, and NOT to do exploratory surgery as it is very risky for a Greyhound. Saturday he continued to refuse any food, even a piece of raw beef. He was still able to move around, though... he actually went for a walk and took a little bite of a hot dog during the walk. We thought the walk made him want to eat and we were very happy. That night he kept changing his sleeping spots and drank water frequently. Sunday morning his breathing became faster. We called the vet. They said as long as his gums are pink and not running fever, he should be fine… We kept checking his gums and temperature. We were very concerned but the vet didn't seem to be as worried. She called back at the end of the day and told us to increase the amount of pain medicine and force feed him if we can, see how he does until Thursday. While the specialist suggested FNA as soon as possible, not to force feed, and NO surgery.

Monday February 8^th, my birthday. We call back the vet as soon as they opened, demanded ultrasound and FNA. That day it was another vet on duty. She said their equipment they have might not do the job needed and she wasn’t comfortable doing it. She contacted an emergency specialty vet hospital and squeezed us in that afternoon. My poor boy hadn’t had much food the entire week but still got up and stood by the door when he knew he was going for a ride (probably not knowing he was going to an e-vet, not to a park…)

They did ultrasound and FNA, kept him there overnight. Next morning the specialist called with the result. 3^rd grade mast cell tumor. She explained two options: Chemo therapy or pain control. There was another huge problem. The fluid was building up very fast in his lungs and abdomen. It was risky to bring him home because of it. Since they already poked him with a needle when they did FNA, it’s risky to poke him again, if it comes to time that they have to drain the fluid. We decided to keep him there another night and start the chemo as soon as a chemo therapist arrives the next morning. Chemo was the only way to maybe, just maybe, stop the fluid. I was clinging to my last hope - to somehow slow down the fast developing fluid, bring him home, and help him cross the bridge peacefully at home on his own bed. I made an arrangement with a local mobile vet to come help him go to sleep at home. As they kept their close eye on him at the hospital that night, I started to have the feeling, he might not be able to even come home. 5 am, February 10^th Wednesday, the vet stayed overnight and cared for him called. She said that she went ahead and took IVs off and it was time that she had to poke him to drain the fluid, and for that he had to be sedated and there was a risk of internal bleeding. I thought then, I had to drop all my hopes and focus on saving my boy from suffering. I asked her if he could wait until my husband and I get there (it was an hour drive) with his bed. She said to come as soon as possible. When we arrived at 6 am, the hospital was still dark and quiet. The receptionist unlocked the door for us. She brought a piece of paper “consent to euthanasia”. It slammed me like a sledge hammer... Is this happening for real??? The picture of the moment my brain took still keeps going through my head. I had to have my husband signed it – I just couldn’t. We asked if we could bring his own bed. The receptionist took us to a private room where we put his bed and on it we would say good bye to him.

The vet brought him out on leash. He was still walking. His legs were swollen and his breathing was harsh. He used to get so excited when he saw me but not this time… not sure he was upset because I left him there for two nights, in a crate that he hates? Or he just didn’t have the strength… I asked the vet if I could take him out for a short walk for one last time. He loved his walks. She said yes but make it quick. It snowed a little a few hours ago. We put his jacket on and took him out to the parking area. He sniffed around and peed a lot. He saw my car. He would normally jump up and down and rush to the car for a ride but it seemed like he knew he wasn’t going for a ride, or maybe he was so sick that he didn’t feel like it… When we walked toward back to the hospital entrance, he just followed quietly. We got back to the room, we said to him “Go night night on your bed.”  He got up on the bed but couldn’t lie down. I told him I was sorry for leaving him there… and I told him he would always be with me wherever I go and we would be together forever … He was breathing hard… He was finally able to lie down when the first shot (sedation) was given. And then the second one… almost immediately his harsh breathing stopped and he was sleeping. We heard his last breath. We took him home in a large box they put him in. When we got home we put the box on his bed in the living room where he always was at the time of the day while I watch my news. I watched the news as I always did, with him on the bed in front of me. He was my super Velcro dog who followed me everywhere. He got me used to use the bathroom with doors open, to keep him from going bonkers looking for me. Every morning he would lay there dozing on and off, open his eyes every now and then to check on me. But that morning he was just sleeping. Yet the reality hadn’t hit me. It just didn’t seem real that he was gone. I couldn’t even cry until… we had to drop his body at our local vet where they would keep him in the freezer until cremation service come.

He came back in his urn a week later.  It sits on his memorial during the day, and every night I take it to his bed in our bedroom, where he always slept at night.

 

[MartyT]

My dear Nikki, my heart reaches out to you in your pain and sorrow, and I thank you for sharing the details of Kura's last days with you. I am so sorry, as I know how much this hurts. So much of what you describe reminds me of the last days with my own beloved Beringer.

In your first post you asked, "Are these normal behavior? Will they go away as time passes? or am I suffering some type of depression?" Sadly I must tell you that your reactions are perfectly normal. While the pain of losing and missing someone you love so much never goes away completely, it does diminish over time, especially if you allow those thoughts and feelings to be expressed and worked through. And no, this is not some type of depression. This is grief, which is NOT a pathological condition. Rather, it is a NORMAL reaction to the death of someone you love with all your heart. 

I invite you to do some reading about this, as I believe it will help you to feel less "crazy" and alone. (Just click on the links below.) Also, I hope you'll continue to share your thoughts and feelings here with us. We are animal lovers here, and we've all been where you are now. You are not alone.

Pet Loss: Is It a Different Kind of Grief?

Pet Loss: Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Saying Goodbye to Beringer

Radio Interview: Is Pet Loss A Different Grief?

[kayc]

Nikki,

I am so sorry, I feel your pain as you describe your last days and moments with your dog.  I had a Whippet. which is like a small greyhound, they are very gentle souls.  

You ask if your reaction is normal, yes, it is.  It is the hardest thing in the world to lose our beloved dog, it is lifechanging and difficult to absorb.

My heart goes out to you.

[Nikki D]

I am so glad that I found this site. It's a big relief to know that I am not "crazy" nor alone... Thank you so much.

I know this is going to be another long one but please allow me to express my anger, regrets, and guilt that have been spinning around in my head and been haunting me... in hope of easing my pain...

My Anger, Guilt, and Regrets:

1. Right after Kura’s passing, I was very angry at one doctor from our primary vet clinic who recommended us to opt out ultrasound (US) and instead suggested an exploratory surgery.  We agreed to her (although we ended up not doing it) because at the point we thought that was the best thing since we didn’t really know what was going on…  If the “original” vet who actually found the tightness in his abdomen, took x-rays, found a mass and spoke to me on the phone earlier (she suggested US and FNA) was available to consult with us about our next step at the time of discharge on Friday Feb. 5^th, she would probably have gone ahead and made an arrangement for US and FNA the next day or so. Then we could possibly have detected the problem earlier, before the fluid in Kura’s lungs and abdomen got out of control. The doctor who consulted us seemed as if she was fixated on doing the surgery - Saturday and Sunday we kept calling and asking if his fast respiratory rate and not being able to eat anything were something we should be concerned about. But all we got was the receptionist saying, “As long as his gums are pink and has no fever, he should be fine. I’ll let the doctor know…” And when finally the doctor called after 8pm, she suggested to increase the dose of pain medicine to see if that helps and she even told me that she re-checked the bloodwork result and everything looked fine for the surgery on Thursday.  Couldn’t she connect his fast respiratory rate with something might be going on in his lungs??? and perhaps at least offer chest x-rays? My husband and I are not vets we couldn’t tell what was wrong with Kura. We thought he was in pain. So we wasted the whole Saturday and Sunday, waiting and wondering. I even started to wonder if that doctor was just for money (the procedure estimate for the surgery she gave us was $3,440, verses US was $359 plus specialist consultation fee.) That is a big difference...

Came Monday, we finally lost our patience, along with the sighthound specialist urging us to find somebody who can do US and FNA, we called back the clinic as soon as they opened, demanding it to be done ASAP… It turned out we were referred to a specialty emergency vet hospital but by the time they found the problem, it was already too late.

The reason Kura had to pass was not the mast cell tumor. It was the fast developing fluid.  Maybe he could have lived a bit longer with chemo therapy, even just a few more months, maybe until his 8^th birthday in May… Then I could have at least prepared myself to let him go, instead of,  just all of sudden…he disappeared…

2. I noticed, a few weeks prior to his first symptom of refusing food, Kura seemed somewhat sad or depressed. Now I think about it, his tumor was growing and he wasn’t feeling good. But I thought he was that way because of the weather… He just had his wellness exam, he was eating, poop looked normal, everything else was normal so I didn’t take any action. If I took him to the vet then, maybe they could have found something… Then again, as my husband says, unless we knew what was wrong with him, even a vet couldn’t have done anything. They can’t just do whole body x-ray hoping they find something… I think he is right.

3. Leaving Kura at the emergency hospital the last 2 nights where he had to stay in a crate that he hated.

Kura hated to be confined. He suffered separation anxiety for about 5 months after we adopted him. We had to crate him when no one was home because he would chew up things. He tore up almost 20 comforters while he was in crate during the five months. When he stayed in a kennel for a few days when I had to go out of town to see my first granddaughter’s birth, Kura came home with bruises on his legs and feet, because he tried to escape. It all stopped though, after we adopted another female Greyhound and left the two together out of crates.

I still think that leaving him at the hospital could have worsen his condition for I know how Kura reacts when I am away and to be confined, especially in a crate.  

But again, my husband may be right that Kura was in a better place because, first of all, he couldn’t eat and at least he was getting food and steroid through IV, was given pain control, and there was a vet there to do something in case he started to drown in his own fluid. We could not have done that at home and he would suffer a lot if it happened at home.

4. I always had this strange intuition which started only a few months after adopting Kura that he wouldn’t make it to average Greyhound lifespan. I still don’t know why I felt this way. I always had that in back of my head but since he was so healthy, I kept telling myself that I was over-worried or over-thinking. I should have been more careful… He did develop one small lump on his chest area about 1.5 years ago and when I asked a vet, he said it was just a fat lump and as long as it’s painless, didn’t change sizes or anything, it would be fine. He also grew a mole above his eye that bled several times. When I mentioned about it at one of his wellness checkups, I was told by a nurse at the vet clinic that it was just a mole. She cleaned and put ointment on it.  Didn’t seem too concerned about it so I just left it at that… and it was gone in a few months. I should have asked to do biopsy then, just in case... That could have been a sign of him being prone to develop cancer…

5. On Feb. 4, I went out of town to attend a lecture. Had no idea that Kura was going to pass only 6 days later... I knew he wasn’t eating but at that time I didn’t know he was fighting cancer… I thought he just had a stomach infection and since he was seen by a vet  and was on medication for it, he would get better by next day or so.  I was gone for 10 hours… I feel so bad I did it to him. I know how much he misses me when I am away. It must have been awful for him to be sick and be sad…

6. I told Kura that we would go for more walks and rides when spring comes. I was also planning this year we would go to walk on some battlefields together. But he had to leave before we could do all these, before spring arrived...

I understand there is nothing I can do... Kura is gone and I can't bring him back no matter how much time I spend thinking about the things I can't change. But I just can't stop...these thoughts keep coming back. 

 

 

 

[MartyT]

Clearly you are a most loving, conscientious and responsible pet parent, Nikki, and it sounds as if you have a very wise husband as well. I hope it helps you to get all of these thoughts out of your head and into your post. You might also consider writing a letter to Kura, saying all you need to say to him. And if it feels right, try writing a letter back to yourself, but as if you were Kura. What do you think he would have to say to you about all that guilt you're carrying?

You say there is nothing you can do, but I assure you that writing down and sharing your thoughts and feelings here, with all of us, is in fact "doing something," and it is far healthier than letting those thoughts simmer inside your head. This is part of what we mean by Doing The Work of Grief , and this article will offer some more suggestions you might be willing to try.

Peace to you, dear one, and please take your time with this . . .  ♥

[kayc]

Oh Hon, my heart just goes out to you, because I know under the circumstances I would surely be feeling the same way, my dog also has separation anxiety and his anxiety comes out at the vets, esp. when they're doing something weird to him that he doesn't understand (which is most of the time he goes to a vet), he does fine with his shots.

It's hard saying what would have been, could have been, because it wasn't.  That said, I think as sick as your dog was, you did the right thing taking and leaving him in the care of those trained to deal with these things, yet I also realize that you would have preferred to spend his last two day/nights with him, had you only known they'd be his last.

Marty's suggestion of writing to Kura is a good one.  I think Kura knew you loved him and wanted the best for him and knew that you left him there to get help for him.  My dog has been intuitive about knowing these things, it's part of the intuition built with the trust bond between "mom & dog".  

I also hope, when you are able, that you schedule some time with the vet to air your concerns and so they can explain their decisions to you.  If their response sounds lame, you might consider reporting the situation to the veterinary board in charge of licensing.  No one wants anyone to go through what they've experienced if it can be helped.

Do not worry about the length of your posts, you have a lot on your heart and mind and that's what we're here for, to listen and hear you.

[Nikki D]

Thank you so much. I will start working on The Work of Grief.  

It shocked me when I read the “shell shock” from the “Doing the work of Grief”...  Whoever wrote it could not have better described exactly how I am feeling right now…  it almost sounds like this person can see through my mind or even lives inside of me!

As for the veterinarian, she moved and left the clinic. I will have to write in another post about some strange things that happened...

For now, I would like start with sharing how Kura came into my life. I wrote this a day after Kura's passing, when I felt I saw his shadow the night before...

"内蔵助(Kuranosuke) was named after the leader of the famous 47 Ronin, the hero of the legend Chushingura - a non-fictional event that took place during 1701-1703 in Japan. Kura was as loyal and devoted as Kuranosuke Oishi Yoshio, not that I named him because I wanted him to be, but it turned out that’s how my Kura was.

Nearly 2 years after being diagnosed with Lyme disease, I was still struggling to cope with daily life and was on a new treatment that required a strict schedule. It was depressing for someone who used to be a workout buff, who took pride in keeping herself in good shape. Staying home all day, the only pleasure I had was to watch Animal Planet and Dr. Phil on TV.  As I watched animal rescue stories day after day, I became interested in rescuing. Being always a lover of animals, especially dogs, there was no question, if we ever did, it would be a dog. We had a family discussion which all agreed that we would rescue a dog and we all share the duty. I started researching. It became obvious that my first intention of rescuing a Pitt bull - a dog with bristling energy, wouldn’t work well with my condition. We needed a laid-back, quiet, and less-grooming-required dog. So we kept searching.

One day my husband and I went out for a quick bite to eat. For whatever reason, we decided to visit Petco. As we walked in, we noticed some big and slim dogs in a pen in the corner of the store. They reminded me of Afghan hounds that I always wanted, but without “hair”. We walked over to take a better look at them. A gentleman with glasses who was in the process of wrapping up said, “They sleep 16 hours a day.”  That’s it! This is exactly what I’ve been looking for! “It sounds like exactly what we need!” I said to my husband. That’s how the search of a Greyhound started. I was so excited.

We went on a hunt for finding the one we all liked. Our oldest daughter fell in love with this handsome cow-patterned Greyhound named Flynn from the local Greyhound rescue group. She calls it, “Love at first sight”.  We contacted the rescue group, and the day came to meet Flynn.

There wasn’t any significant sensation with Flynn such as “We knew he was the right dog from the moment”, or “He picked us.” - the phrases you hear sometimes at adoption. There was actually another big boy named Bronco who came in our consideration. But we soon learned that’ Bronco was way too strong for me to handle.

Family members explored the names. I am from Japan, we wanted to give our new family member a name has something to do with my origin.  Asuka, Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, Ryoma… Kuranosuke won the vote.

After Kura became our new family member, we all were given tasks. Especially I, needed these tasks to get out of the world of miserable fatigue and pain I was drenched in. I was forced to go outside because Kura needed to be walked. I remember hearing it in a LD support group session that oxygen does good for Lyme patients. Soon it became my great joy to take Kura for walks. We were driving to parks, public places that allow dog walking, pet stores, etc.. all over town. I enjoyed training Kura and teaching him tricks as well. He was very smart and he learned everything very quickly. He even learned several sign languages. I finally had things I could look forward to, instead of lying on the sofa in pain. Kura also gave me more tasks in dealing with his separation anxiety. I didn’t have time to be worrying about just myself anymore.

Then Saya joined our family 5 months later. Now I am busy taking care of two dogs. Filled with positive energy, little by little I was starting to feel better.

Kura was a healing angel sent to this earthly world in disguise. He picked me and when his assignment was complete, he was called back. He may have already been assigned to another task, assisting someone who needs him.  But I believe he will always be by my side as my guardian angel."

 

 

 

[Nikki D]

Picture of Kura celebrating his 3rd BD (first birthday with us) on May 2nd, 2011

[MartyT]

An angel in a dog suit  ♥

[kayc]

Very beautiful!  Reminds me of my Whippet, Lucky who passed November 19, 2008.  There was a Greyhound Rescue just down the street from me for many years.  They're beautiful, wonderful dogs.  I like your name for him!

[Nikki D]

I have been avoiding listening to upbeat music and rather choose to listen to sad songs, I guess, to sink myself in sorrow. But today, for the first time since Kura passed, there was a moment that I felt like listening to one of my favorite songs (upbeat and happy) I loved to sing along to. I was shocked to realize that I can't even sing well... My chest muscle felt so heavy and tight that it was hard to get my voice out loud and I was so off key... I kept singing for about 10 minutes anyways and at the end I felt like I was ready to pass out! I've been noticing that my muscles are tensed along with body aches here and there but I didn't realize it was this bad! Well, at least I sang (tried) loud. So I want to take it as a good step. However, when I read some poems later, I cried again...

[MartyT]

Nikki, my dear, one of the simplest and most important things we can do when in mourning is to remember to breathe. In grief, we tend to hold our breath or breathe in a shallow manner, often without even being aware of it. The first step is to become more tuned into how we are breathing and then strive to do it mindfully. See, for example, Three Breathing Exercises by Integrative Medicine expert Andrew Weil, MD.

[Nikki D]

Marty, thank you so much for pointing it out. I checked my breathing and I realized I am inhaling only one third of (that's how it feels) what I should be, it feels like just the "tip" top part of my lungs are getting oxygen. I would've probably never noticed... Thank you.  Why does this happen in mourning???

 

[Nikki D]

Easter 5 years ago.

The Basset Hound was our next-door neighbor's dog. We invited her to join the egg hunt in our yard. She got killed by a car accident a few years ago.

They are both at Rainbow Bridge now...

 

[MartyT]

10 hours ago, Nikki D said:

I checked my breathing and I realized I am inhaling only one third of (that's how it feels) what I should be, it feels like just the "tip" top part of my lungs are getting oxygen. I would've probably never noticed... Thank you.  Why does this happen in mourning???

 

Taken from Breathing Lessons for Coping with Grief:

We breathe all the time, right? So, what’s the big deal?

Most of us are not breathing properly throughout our days for optimum health and well-being. Most of us have poor posture, we sit at our desks for long periods of time, slump in our seats, stare at screens, move very little… This is a problem for much of the population.

If grief is added on top of those bad habits, our situation becomes even more difficult. Grieving on its own makes us feel like we want to be slumped down, curled into a ball. It makes us want to protect our hearts. The chaotic yet static state sometimes even stops our breath entirely. If you are grieving, you may notice that your breathing is very shallow, or that you are holding your breath without even realizing it. You may suddenly find yourself gasping for a breath, as if you’ve been under water, reaching for the surface. This is not abnormal in grieving. Grief affects every part of us, including our breathing. Here is your chance to learn to breathe through grief.  Read on here >>>

[Nikki D]

On 3/26/2016 at 11:13 PM, kayc said:

Lucky reminds me of Saya, my other Greyhound! 

 

[Nikki D]

Thank you so much for all your support. I am working on writing Kura a letter now. I have been doing the breathing exercise. I finally made an appointment to see my doctor for my over-due annual health check-up. I went to grocery shopping and picked up healthy food today. 

[kayc]

She does look a lot like her!  She had liver colored spots, she was 1/2 Whippet, 1/2 Dalmation.  Tall, slender, very well trained & smart, so sweet.  But she was scared of everything, we used to call her a Whimpet.  A fried of ours had a Whippet that passed away while he was on his honeymoon, separation anxiety.

Your letter sounds like a good idea, as well as everything you're doing to take care of yourself.  It's when we grieve we often don't care about taking care of ourselves, and yet that's just when we need it the very most!

[Noon]

Nikki D, I just found your story and read it and wow, it is so similar to my post that you read about Chyna! I am in the exact same boat as you, as you know. Kura was so beautiful and the picture of him in his little birthday hat made me smile so brightly! Your "Anger, Guilt and Regrets" post was eerily similar to my own feelings of anger, guilt and regrets with how Chyna's situation was handled. Thank you so much for posting your story. It lets me know that I am not alone in how I am feeling and amazingly, this does give me comfort. When you are going through this type of pain, you do feel as if you're the only person who was ever felt this inner turmoil. We will all get through it somehow and I'm praying that each day is a little better than the last.

[kayc]

I love your picture with Chyna, you can see the bond between you.  I've never had a picture of Arlie and I together, I'd love one.

Chyna has the most beautiful eyes!

[Noon]

Thank you so much, kayc! I loved taking pictures with my baby girl and that one is one of many! Thankfully, in a lot of the pictures, she had the biggest "smile"!

[Nikki D]

Noon,

Thank you for taking time to read my long story! My husband read yours last night and he said that our situation is very similar to the point where it's almost scary!

When I read your post at first, I felt the same as you did - I am not the only one, and it gave me comfort.  

 

kayc,

I was going to ask you if Lucky was mixed, she didn't look 100% Whippet when I first saw the picture... But I would've never guessed she had Dalmatian in her!

When I walked Kura and Saya in public place, I used to hear people call them "Grate Dane" and "Dalmatian"!   

[Nikki D]

Today is the 49th day since my big boy Kuranosuke has been laid to rest. This day holds a special significance in our tradition and a memorial service is often held. It's believed to be the day that the ones who passed will enter the next world.

Although I know he already crossed over the very night he passed, and is at the Rainbow Bridge, I want to do a little candle ceremony for him tonight.

 

[kayc]

My thoughts are with you tonight.