Normal bereavement behavior?

[Nikki D]

Kura's 49th day memorial tonight.

Ku-chan,

I hope you are having a great time at the Rainbow Bridge.

When I close my eyes, I can see you sniffing around in a beautiful bright green meadow...with colorful flowers and warm sunlight.

Thank you so much for all the wonderful memories, Ku-chan. We shared such wonderful time together... I will forever cherish them.

Mommy loves you and misses you so much. I wish I could be there with you. But it's not time for me to be there yet.

Be patient and be a good boy until I get there. OK? Big Boy?

Love, 

Mommy

 

[Nikki D]

Today I went to my annual check-up. My doctor said she normally prescribes hormone control to treat menopause but for my case she thinks I need antidepressant... I think I am beginning to feel better...  I don't want to depend on medication.  I made an appointment for a Reiki session next week and am looking into maybe joining in Yoga class. I think I can do this without being medicated...

[kayc]

I would say unless it's something that has been ongoing, it's situational and it takes time and grief work to get through it.  I have felt low grade depression since my husband died 11 years ago and the doctor offered me antidepressants too, but like I told him, it's not going to change anything, it won't bring George back.  I just work with it,, try to have things to look forward to, walk twice a day, eat healthy, in other words, do what I need to do to give myself the best possible outcome.

As for the hormones, I didn't take Estrogen either because of the possible side effects, and I had no problem going through menopause.  I was going through a divorce at the time so hardly noticed menopause!

[Nikki D]

kayc, Thank you. It sounds like you've been through a lot... Your words are very encouraging. I want to do the same to get through this. As someone very nice suggested me, I am looking into a naturopathic doctor, too. The first thing my doctor said was she had never seen anyone who was affected this bad by the loss of their pets before. My doctor is a general practice physician and I understand that it's not her primary practice to see people going through grieving, especially ones with pet loss. I do not blame her for her thought. 

And no, this is not ongoing. I never felt depressed before. I have been an optimistic person pretty much throughout my entire life. I went through a major grieving when my grandmother passed when I was 19. I still cry once in a while when I think about her, but I never suffered any depression or anything. 

[kayc]

I have seen a LOT of people this affected by losing their pets, and when my Arlie goes, I will be one of them!  Some people are pet people and some are not, perhaps your doctor doesn't understand, not being as involved with pets as you.  Pet owners are all different too...mine are my life, whereas some just throw theirs in the back yard and as long as they get food and water they think that's all they need.  I actually CARE about mine, and they're an integral part of my household.  I think you're more like me, where your life revolves around them, they are our companions!

 

Have you seen a grief counselor?

[MartyT]

Bear in mind that, just like physicians, not all grief counselors are tuned into the needs of bereaved animal lovers, and if you decide to see a grief counselor, be sure to ask about his or her training and experience in working with the grief that stems from pet loss. If the answer is "no," ask for a referral to one who also specializes in pet loss. (Your local hospice may have a good referral list.) 

I've spent most of my career doing my best to educate my colleagues about the grief that accompanies the loss of a cherished companion animal. I'm proud to say that while I was on the Bereavement Team at Hospice of the Valley, we were one of the first (if not the only) hospices in the country to offer pet loss support groups ~ and I'm even more proud to say that the group I started there nearly 20 years ago is still going strong, thanks to my successor, Mara Goebel, herself a certified pet loss counselor who also acts as Administrative Manager for HOV's Bereavement and Integrative Services.  ♥

[Nikki D]

Kayc, I think we both are "dog people"! My dogs are like my own children. I call my kids "kids in skin and fur". I haven't looked into seeing a counselor. This group discussion forum has been a HUGE help for me. Thank you all for the support here. Marty, I think you are the best grief counselor! I have been doing the breathing exercise everyday, trying to take care of myself by going to a health check-up, eating healthy food, and looking for ways to heal myself naturally such as Reiki and Yoga. I am still working on writing a letter to Kura. I have been feeling better the past few days. I noticed myself actually SMILING (with NO TEARS!) for the first time since Kura passed, while looking at his pictures  - that was when I was posting some silly pictures of him dressed like a princess on this forum.  So I want to wait and see how I'll do with the grief work I'm doing now and decide if I need to go see a counselor... 

[kayc]

I'm glad that made you smile.  Beautiful dog!!

Yep, you've got it, my "kids" are my family!  They mean the world to me.