How do you honor your loved one?

[Gin]

People talk about honoring the loved one you lost.  I do not know how to do that.  Al loved to garden, BUT we did that together.  In the evening  after dinner we would sit outside and admire our work.  Now I have no desire to garden or sit alone.   We went to many, many live plays.  No more plays for me.  We loved to composes verses for birthday cards, but that would not be fun anymore.  I do not know what I can do to honor his memory.  Nothing seems worthwhile without him here.  We took several trips every year, but again not any more.  He has been gone 6 months now, but things don't seem to be looking up.

[kayc]

George liked gardening too, was just getting into it, I do not have a green thumb.  I tried to keep his garden alive that first summer to no avail.  I gave up.  I guess I honor his memory by living...

Our thing was camping and fishing, I haven't done either since.

[scba]

Hello Gin, I understand how you feel. I feel too that I am not honoring my BF, none of the things I did with him or during my time with him are part of my so call new normal. I have not become a champion of awarness of his illness nor set up or contribute to a fund raising campaign. Perhaps the honor will come later in time and now we honor them by going one day at a time and not giving up. 

[BillT]

I probably don't have a clue, but I try to honor my sweet darling by acting as she would.  She was always a nicer more forgiving, more loving and generous person than I am.  

[Patty65]

Dear Gin,

There are so many projects undone at home, and I can't do any of them either, including gardening and sitting and admiring our work too.  To honor my Ron, when I can, when it is not too painful, I go outside and look at the stars.  I have also started a painting of the two of us in our happiest moment.  I am going to hang it in our store, above the pasta machine, next to a quote that says "If it's not made with love, it's not Italian Food."  It will take a long time to finish, since, while started, it is getting harder instead of easier to work on.  

I am thinking about buying a digital piano.  I never did that or played with him, I only took lessons for a few years when my daughter was little, but he loves music, and I enjoyed learning to play.  I thought that might be something, since I did not do it with him, that I could handle.  I'm hesitating spending the money though, since money is tight and I don't know if I will really be up for it, and I don't want to waste the money if I can't do it.

I also go out snorkeling to see him.  I made an "eternal reef" with his ashes, some of them, and with concrete and shells that I had collected from many places from the Caribbean to Australia. At his beach service, I spread some ashes in the sea, his desire to be in the ocean (a fisherman, he was at heart), and then I dove down and placed the eternal reef on the coral reef, with beautiful tropical fish swimming all the time.  I go and visit.

I would also like to honor him by getting a dog. He would like that. Ron's (ours, but really, his) black lab was run over on his last birthday, what an omen that turned out to be.  But my Sunday chef brought in a puppy to work for a short while today, and I found myself holding and loving it, and smiling a real smile, not the fake one that has to come out from time to time.  But it will have to be a service dog, so I can bring it to the restaurant and keep it in my office, otherwise I'll get in trouble with the health department.

I will be reading this thread, to get more ideas.  Great question.

Patty

[mittam99]

Gin, it depends on how you mean "honoring". I've had trees planted to honor Tammy's memory, created a video of memories for her family, created a memorial webpage and of course made many posts here letting people know how amazing she was.

To me though, honoring our loved ones really means living your life in a way that would make them proud and make them smile. And using their spirit and their "essence" as an inspiration in your own life. 

[Guest]

Deedo was an amazingly generous person so I honor her by paying it forward.  I don't eat in a restaurant without picking up someones tab, try to find the people that look like they are having a hard time.  Another thing I'll do in Deedo's honor is leave $20 tip for a $10 tab.  These things we used to do together and while it is more emotional for me to do it now I do feel closer to her when I do it.  It all started on our honeymoon.  We stopped at a cafe for a cup of coffee and our waitress, first day on the job burst into tears.  We left a twenty dollar tip for $1.20 worth of coffee.  Been doing it since.