Giving is hard

[KATPILOT]

Anger is a stress emotion. Never good for one's heart but neither is holding it in. There have been volumes written about that one but Kay you have it right. Letting it out is good but don't stay there too long. 

[R.Everit55]

I just heard the song Endless Love and I had to pull the car over because I couldn't breathe and was crying.  

[KATPILOT]

So sorry Butch. Oh those triggers.

[R.Everit55]

Because this afternoon I heard a wedding song of ours in the car that made me literally breathless and in tears enough to pull the car over ... It has totally ruined my day and mood.  I've been in tears more on than off.  Even with Gracie and the boys here.  I feel like a failure.  I don't want to go to bed.  I want my wife by my side.  What's wrong with me?  It was just a song.  I was perfectly ok the first half of the day.  

[mittam99]

A failure? Butch please don't ever even think that! You're a man who loved his wife and everything about your life with her. Hearing a sentimental song like that rekindles all types of powerful emotions. It's love. We all deal with those kind of triggers. That's just grief.

No more "failure talk", ok?  Got it?

 

[KATPILOT]

Butch we have these set backs. It just happens. Hang in there  my friend for it will pass. I have had these times too and they will come again but they are just set backs that's all it is. You had a trigger moment. Perhaps you were primed for it having been through a medical issue. Your strength has to be sapped a little. I wish I could explain but words don't help. Just the fact that you will feel stronger soon is all important. All of us who are years down the road know what your feeling because we miss them too and we can't always just hold it together. That was some trigger but that's what it was, a trigger that caught you at the wrong place at the right time. I think we go through life thinking we are getting a pretty good grip on things and BAM we lose it again. That's why you feel a failure but the truth is, you deserve the right to fall down every once in a while. That's not failing. That is called grieving.

[Patty65]

14 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

I know for certain that two things that happened in Kathy's battle with cancer may have contributed to her death.

Hi Stephen,

Whether it is my regrets - things I wished I had done or done better -- that may have had an impact, or them... what I've been realizing is, and it is probably the same for Kathy and so many, it was over long before either one of us realized it was a problem.  I was chatting with someone online on SS and her husband had metastatic melanoma -- and she was talking about "the lump" that killed her husband.  By the time we realized and all of a sudden, about 30 of them popped up on his back.  One killed her husband.  I came to the realization -- it was too hidden and too far by the time it showed itself.  I am trying to let myself take that in to relieve my reeling brain from the "what if I had..._______"

I know one day Kathy's ashes will make it here.  Despite everything, it is a beautiful and special place, and she saw that.

Patty

[Patty65]

3 hours ago, R.Everit55 said:

 It was just a song.

They are so, so powerful, Butch.  Songs touch our soul. And your soul is so bound to your beloved, and especially that song, it symbolized your bond.  I'm so sorry that it made your day so hard ((hugs))

Patty

[kayc]

Butch,

You are not a failure because you grieve your wife.  Yes you have much to live for, your son, DIL, and grandchildren, but they don't replace the Mary shaped hole in your heart, they just help in their own way.  You are going to shed tears, you are going to hear songs that cause grief bursts, we all do...that doesn't make you a failure.  Just feel your grief and then the next day get up thankful for what you do have and hope the pain doesn't re-present that day...it may, it may not, it's weird like that.