It's not fair

[mittam99]

17 hours ago, CharKath said:

I was never afraid of the dark before, but I am now. Ain't that awful to admit to for an adult.

Kath...

It's interesting that you mentioned that. All my life, I preferred to sleep in total darkness. It just was how I liked it. Of course as a kid I made sure every inch of me was covered by the blanket. There was that fear that if a foot or something was sticking out, a monster might "attack it". 

Tammy was afraid of the dark so we would keep a nightlight on in our master bathroom. Of course I'd try to keep the door just a little cracked and Tammy preferred it wide open. We kind of compromised.

Then a funny thing happened. Tammy would go back to be with her folks in Illinois once or twice a year. I'd stay home due to work obligations. Well, every night I'd leave a light on in the bedroom. I just didn't feel comfortable in the dark. It wasn't fear persay, I just wasn't at ease like I was when Tammy was home.

And then March 6 happened and my world changed forever. I no longer like total darkness. I put the nightlight in the master bathroom on and I keep the door all the way open. Maybe a small part of that is me wanting things to be the way they were; hoping somehow that Tammy is still there in bed but I can't see her.

Mitch

[Clematis]

For me, a tiny bit of Valium does the trick-relaxes me just enough that the wheels stop spinning in a frenzy. I have done this for years and most of that time slept without it. But when something really super-stressful is going on I take it again but try to stop as soon as possible. I started up again when my dad was going downhill and was trying to get off it when my aunt died and was back on it. And then my aunt died and everything fell apart with my sisters and I was back on. I was tapering off when I was in the car accident and gave up. Now that I am feeling more relaxed after my trip to Hawaii I am trying again to get off and crossing my fingers. It is always most effective if I haven't taken it for awhile, and I don't want to lose that potential...

[CharKath]

I'm so glad you said that about your feet under the bed Marg. Me too! I don't sleep with a foot or hand hanging over the side either. (Something could grab it!)  Been that way since I was a kid. I check behind the door and both sides of the bed as soon as I enter the bedroom. Thank goodness there isn't any closets in this old farmhouse!

[kayc]

Kathy,

I wasn't meaning see the doctor for depression because lots of times doctors call it depression when really it's just plain old grief!  I don't know why they don't seem to get that there's a difference, but maybe it's because they aren't trained in grief or haven't experienced it.  Anyway, what I meant was seeing a doctor to get help for your sleeping.  It's hard to keep going without sleep!

[CharKath]

Hi Kayc, I understood that. My doctor offered both antidepressants and sleeping pills. I've been reading books and on this site and knew I wasn't clinically depressed. I just really hate to take any drugs. I cant remember to take my blood pressure medicine now. But its not too bad. I've lost my winter weight and all the work causes it to go back down anyway (136/80 last night). A bonus to being self employed is if I do get tired during the day I can take a 30 minute nap. Although there has been a couple times I've woke up two hours later!!!