golden48

kay, Lift your head up high and press the ignore button, there are always inconsiderate folks who have got nothing better to do then gossip. Don't let their attitude bug you, be strong and courages, eventually those guys knowing they are unable to hurt you emotionally will move on. Praying to the Lord for them will help. Kay, tomorrow is a new day with a clean slate. In his Loving Grip, jessie w.

Greetings Kayc, I am sorry to know you are in pain, hopefully time will ease your sadness and disappoinment at having to face the unexpected reality from one whom you place your faith, hope and dreams and see it crumbling through circumstances beyond your control. At this point in time, you may not know how fortunate you are to have had a close call, all the excuses in the world does not give him the right to treat you the way he did, he is not worth a single tear, cut your loss and not bother over a lost cause. Had he stayed with you, it would have been a two sided boxing match, with mother on one end, son in the other and you are going to be the 'punching bag' for both. Not a good outlook for a long term loving relationship. Kay, life is full of surprises and one never know what is just round the corner, don't despair, just pray the Lord will give you His Inner Peace and Comfort for He knows your every need. In his Loving Grip. jessie w.

Dear Redwind 30, I love to cook and found it to be something that keeps me from having a 'pity party'. Having to cook for a couple is different from cooking for one, in the earlier stage of my loss, I did not feel the urge to cook and ended buying frozen meals, this turn out to be a disaster and also a Blessing in a way. I bought the meals for one and since the supermarket was having 'specials' I decided to buy different selections of meals, all toll 6 or 7 of them and put it in the freezer, finally the day came when I felt lazy and took one of the frozen goodies to have for dinner. The disappointment on the tucker was unbelivable and that was it, took the lot and put it into the bin. Now I ensure I cook nourishing and appetizing food I like, making it a point to eat one and freeze the others, I find when I buy a small quantity of chicken,pork or beef fillet adding fresh vegetables in season and cooking stir fry dishes is quick and easy, I am able to serve 3 servings from one dish, likewise casseroles and soups, when it comes to roast, i will wait when I have family or friends over for dinner more often there will be left over. I found at the end of the day, by buying your meat,fish and veg it works out cheaper then buying takeaway or frozen food, I will say, I cook about 3 to 4 times a week depending on what inspires me especially after watching "Masterchef" Food for thought. Golden48

Dear Suzanne, I found it easier and more effective to pen one's thoughts on paper and hand it to the person concerned. Through the years I found writing, helps tremendously, getting the importance of the contents across to the person concern with calarity of thoughts helps both the sender and the receiver, giving them time to reflect and absorb what is said without being there is also a plus. Knowing how hard it was going to be for me and our extended family and friends, my husband wrote this 'Final Roundup' so that I did not have to encounter repeating again what was happening to him, I am ever so grateful that in his time of going through the 'valley of the shadow of death' his thoughts were on easing our pain and grief. In His Loving grip, Golden48 This was the email he wrote:- I finally found out today that a bone scan revealed that the prostate cancer had 'jumped' its barrier and is entrenched in the bones. This is the cause of pain in my hip and not from lifting items heavier than is proper for my age. At least we both know what is in front of us and had prepared for the occasion. Of course Jess, who is the one being left behind is teary but quite reconciled to the fact that I may have six months, even more, but in any case it is only guess work. I give thanks that, like you, we both know that this is only a transition and one day we shall rejoice on the day the roll is called up yonder and we shall all know each other face to face. Our doctor wants me to have some radio therapy in order to relieve the pain in the hip joint and I'll go along with that. She knows specifically that I don't want any other treatments to prolong life. Unless I have quality of life I am not interested in delaying the inevitable. I will sorely miss Jessie and of course Melissa, Jeremy and the g/children; but then again I was here to witness their arrival and the early years of their lives. God is surely compassionate, loving and understanding and all will work out perfectly because He knows our need (Jessie's needs)so I expect to leave y'all at what God determines is the right time. I am to have two ultra sounds within the next two days; one for the abdomen and one for the kidneys. Apparently one of the kidneys isn't functioning at all and the other has a slight obstruction. Makes me feel that I'm falling to bits, yet I feel so well in myself. Anyway that brings you up-to-date on the happenings in our neck of the woods. Considering world affairs it isn't such a bad time to be leaving. When I awaken it will be resurrection, whoosh!! and may meet you on the way there - now wouldn't that be something.!! Our love to you, Frank

Dear Marty, Thank you for posting Can't Tell's insight on facing death with fruitful comments from fellow posters too, certainly giving us food for thought. In His loving Grip, golden 48

Dear Niamh, Firstly, I must say I am not an expert on religions, there are over 2000 known christian religions and probably over 60 different christian Denominations. the reason for this is, when a group does not agree with certain christian doctrine, they breakaway and start a new group and so forth. There is also many other Faiths in this wide world of ours, eg the Buddhist and Hindus who believe in reincarnation. The Jewish religion, Believe in God Almighty, the Muslim in Allah through the prophet Mohammed. The main stream of the Christian Religion believes the only way to God Almighty is through His Beloved Son the Lord Jesus Christ accepting Him into our lives and seeking repentance for our sins we are assure of salvation through Grace and have eternal life upon our death and will meet our love ones at the time of resurrection. In the Christian Belief there is No reincarnation, having said that, if one happens to be a Buddhist or Hindu then their belief does differ from other religions. In my case, I am now a Christian Believer for over 30 years, previously I was a follower of the Buddhist faith and did believe in reincarnation but since accepting Christ my views and beliefs have taken a dramatic change, I am now at a point in my life and even with the demise of my husband to have found peace and comfort through my christian Faith. Whenever, i feel fearful, I pray and the feeling of fear, despair, slowly and surely deminish. I would suggest you approach a Christian Hospice or even a minister of your local church and sound them of your concern, someone within the Christian Organisation will no doubt ease your fear. In His Loving Grip, golden48

Greetings deb, The learning curves you will find get easier in the passage of time. I found filing the taxation forms were hard snd complicated, my husband use to fill all the documentations so I had to seek help to get the form sorted and filled. I was amazed at how kind the folks at the taxation office was,I lost it when I had to sign the forms with the name 'deceased' tears just fell and it poured, fortunately the staff were understanding and waited till I was ready to finished what had to be done. Being upfront to whoever I was speaking, telling them of my recent loss made it much easier when it came to seeking help, as the staff went the extra mile to assist. I found this more so, when I make it a point of fronting up to the office and speaking face to face then through the phone. I ensure I only handle the bills, forms,legal documentations, whatever that need urgent attention first, putting each folder documents individually, makes it easier for reference. The next day I proceed with another lot and so on, then you will find you are not laden with a big paper load. Treating each problem as a challenge helps, there are folks willing to give a Helping Hand,the main thing is not be afraid to ask, if you get a no, try someone else, but don't give up. In His Loving grip. golden 48

greetings folks, My story goes back many years ago, our baby was a few weeks old and when I gave her a bath the wedding ring use to scratch her and it reached the point when I had to constantly take it off. I decided to put the ring in my box of goodies, from that date I did not use the ring, years later I tried and found the ring was a wee bit small. Having got use not to wearing the ring, did not cause any hiccup for me nor my husband. when we went for holidays I recalled a humourous incident, when a receptionist from the hotel we were checking in, enquired if we wanted single or double rooms, it was then my better half realised I was not wearing the wedding ring. To the day when he departed from the land of the living, he wore his ring and I did not, but it matters not to either of us, for we were secured in the knowledge of our love for one another and a ring is only a 'man made symbol'as long as one is right in the eyes of the Lord that is what truly counts. It will be close to 12 months since his demise, ring or no ring, I find it difficult to consider going out with the opposite sex, I know I am not comfortable at this point in time, I instantly shy away when I get an invitation from men friends I have known for a length of time regardless of how innocent it may seem. In His Grip, golden 48

Greetings Mary and fellow overcomers, Every morning when I get into our car 'annie', a prayer is lifted up high to the Lord for protection, guidance and importantly a cosy parking spot at my destination, without having to twist and turn, hopefully I'll try not to touch the bumper of the car nearby. Phew, what a relief, getting home in one piece,realising that was not a bad effort after all. I loss my husband close to 10 months, within the first 2 months, the electrical appliances around the home seem to have a mind of it's own and practically died on me, eg fridge/freezer, washing machine, oven, microwave, air condition in the car, crack in the car windscreen and the last to break the camel's back was during a gale force wind the hugh stag horn(outdoor plant) approximate 5 feet in height and length just fell from the fence, grew from a wee thing about 20 years ago and I just cried and cried. I recovered from my ' pity' party, decided to treat each situation as a challenge, what I can handle I do so, what is beyond my capabilities I ask for help and came to the realisation, there are folks willing to give a hand just have to ask. Gosh, being a widow is Hard work, much to learn and wish I had been an early learner but it is never to late to master the gadgets left behind by my better half, I have not learn how the car works, only able to put the petrol in the tank, check the tires and the water, ensure 'annie' has a wash and a clean and whooooooosh we off again. Thankfully, there is always a silver lining in the clouds and tomorrow is a new day with new challenges. In his loving Grip. jessie

Greetings, I am ever grateful for answered prayers, my husband was told he had 6 to 12 months to live, but he passed away within the first month, prostate cancer had spread to his bones. My prayer partners prayed, my loving husband would not suffer, but for him to be taken quickly, except we never anticipated the quickness of his passing, he was admitted to the hospital on a thursday and by Sunday he died, surrounded by those who loved him so. Due to my deep love for him, I would have wanted him to be around for much longer, at the same time,I realised by staying alive his quality of life would no longer be there and that was something he would not have wanted. The hardest decision I made, was to let him know when the time came not to hold back but to let go to and rest in the Lord Jesus Christ. It is now close to 10 months since his demise, there are good and sad days, i do miss him lots, but with the Lord in my life i am able to move on day by day. Bill, I am sorry for your loss, it is good to voice your anger, frustration at the Lord, for if anyone who understand what you are going through it is Him. Rightly or wrongly, the Lord seems to be blamed for all disasters and it might be time to ponder who is the ruler of the earth....what does the Bible say....... In his Grip, jessie

Dear Angie, It is a new ball game, having to make decisions by oneself when previously one is able to bounce ideas before reaching a solution, at the end of the day I am the one responsible rightly or wrongly. Being alone is HARD WORK but I take it as a challenge, one day at a time, there are days when I find it extremely difficult and feel the world on my shoulder but thankfully with my faith I know I am not walking this path alone. There will be times when u feel very strong, and yet you can feel tears swelling when someone enquires 'how are u' it is ok to cry whenever and wherever...just to let you know don't hold back for it is normal and part of the process of grieving. Bearing in Mind, Tomorrow is a New Day. In His Loving Grip, Golden48

On my husband's demise 7 months ago, I was surrounded with family support from day one, my loving sister came from overseas and decided to stay with me for a month, my daughter and my 3 grand children aged from 1 to 5 also stayed for a period of 2 months. Ground rules were made by me, but it was hard to follow, chores around the homestead was constant. There was no time to grief and eventually I decided it was time to make some important decisions when I realised my Darling daughter was intending to extend her visit by another 2 months. I sat both my s.i.l and daughter and told them it was time they head home and commence with their lives, it was also time for me to move on and pick up with daily living, besides, I needed the time to really grief for my better half. If they had stayed longer I would have become dependent on them and that would not have been good for either of us. I also made a promise, in the event if I am unable to cope I will visit them or likewise they will return. I have been home on my own for close to 5 months and am glad to be in familar peaceful surroundings with lots of memories still intact. I had to master a new gadget (mobile phone) so she and the g.children calls me daily to ensure they are keeping track of my whereabouts, still having butter fingers with the usuage of the sms, very very slowwwwwwww. Yes, I still do have good and sad days but Thankful to the Lord for His promise of caring for widows. Ariddle, you know within yourself what you want and need at this point in time, just be upfront with your love ones and they will understand. In His Loving Grip, Golden48