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I dare. In one of the books I am reading, it does in fact bring up the topic. I feel its like everything else we are going through. What one person may need or be ready for, others may or may not need that component in their lives just quite yet and for others it may be important. My opinion is that we all have to do what we are ready for. (It's supposed to be good for stress.) The Author stresses the point when and if ( long time from now most likely) we do seek sex in a relationship it's a different set of safety rules than when I was younger. Debbie

Good morning all, Just wanted to share an experience I had yesterday. Cost me 20$ and 20 minutes. While continuing with tradition yesterday, Black Friday shopping, I stopped in at one of the little shops that offer 20 minute massages for 20$. Felt so good to have some of my tension worked out. Just enough time that I could relax, short enough time that I could hold it together. Did something just for me and it was worth every penny. I was told by a Dr that our immune system can be weakened while we are working through grief and we can be more likely to have injuries partly in fact of being so tense. Just know it helped me sleep last night and relax, if only for a short time. I looked at it as if it were a co-pay for a Dr. visit. That helped ease my mind about spending the money and getting off track on my budget. Which by the way, I don't really enjoy this whole new budget thing! Blessings to all. Debbie

Stuart, I too keep in touch with Dean's Mom. I did not realize how important it was to her healing until a nurse at the home she is in, shared that with me. I want to do everything I can to help her deal with the loss of Dean. Actually in talking with her, the conversation flows easy about Dean. So in thinking about it, its comforting to me as well. So very happy to read your were able to start Grief Support. Amazing people I have found. We can be ourselves and learn from others, and walk through this with support. Stuart, you sound like a fantastic Dad. It's really hard to work through our grief and then worry about our sons at the same time. They are at an impressional age and as they get older, they will admire all the hard work you did and continue to do. Because of the nature of my work, I see many young men especially, that have a tendency to take their emotions and turn them inside. They can be so trying at times. I believe and I read it many times, it goes something like,"when a loved one is least loveable, that is when they need our love the most." SO we continue to try to walk through this, be good to ourselves, and do the best we can for those that still need us. Bless you Stuart as you continue to fight for the education of awareness and you will make a difference. Sending you a hug on this very windy morning. Debbie

Stuart, Heartfelt blessings sent to you. I hope sincerely your day was at best managable for you. I wish I had the insight to help you and your youngest son. Perhaps this is the only way he can cope? I have only one son and he is grieving in his own way. Sometimes he gets short and angry, however I can't imagine what he is going thru. I encouraged him to go be with his girlfriend's family to the mountains for holiday and he went, only with the condition I would stay with someone or have someone here with me at nights. That was a gift I gave to him. Trying to keep the traditions that are important to him alive this holiday season. As I have not walked in my son's journey , I still have both my parents, it is important for me to do this for him this year. I suppose it is a balance as parents we try to do. I firmly believe our children will always remember our love and actions as our spouses made their journey home. In time our boys will have the gift how we loved and honored our vows and commitments to Heidi and Dean. I pray that memory will help them in the future and help mold their hearts and minds. I am sure both your boys know how very much you love Heidi and will be ever so grateful for all the love and support your showed. If only my words could help ease your pain and loss. I pray for you and many others on this forumn and the prayers are sincere. Bless you Stuart and your sons. Hugs from Lancaster County. Debbie

Dear inspring Linda, Your words, as I have said to you before, have been so helpful and inspiring. 2 months is still just that, only 2 months. You are doing everything in your power to heal, comfort, and get through this journey. And along the way, you have helped many of us that are with you on this walk. May you feel Brian's love and God's peace. Here is a big hug from Lancaster County.......my thoughts and prayers with you, especially tonight my friend. Blessings, Debbie

Tim, Loved the prose/poetry/writing. The words gave me comfort and even hope. Thank you so very much for sharing. Blessings, Debbie

Amy, My husband died October 10th so it was 6 weeks for me Saturday. Saturdays are the worst for me becuase that was our night together. Our time. And then that was the day of the week he died, so its stings even more so. The posters on this forum have been such a comfort for me, and this feels safe, a place of understanding and caring. Hugs and Blessings. Debbie

Thanks so much to all of you for listening, and Marty the links are wonderful tools. Blessings, Debbie

Linda, Please let us know how it went for you. Sounds like everyone there is a really good source of comfort and hopefully some joy. I too believe your Brian would wish for happiness, friends, comfort and love for you. You are an amazing woman that has offered so many of us hope. Blessings my friend. Debbie

Why is it after 6 weeks there are those that think my 22 years old son needs to move on????? Not usually one to get upset at my Dad, but today I shared with him that my son had a sad day yesterday. His response was that he would "have a talk with him about moving on." I am so angry right now. Why can't people educate themseleves on the grief process and understand if we don't deal with it now, it could cause problems in the future? I tried to help my Dad understand, but no way can you win with him. I love him dearly, but he has no clue. Derek is going out and just left for holiday with friends. SO what if he has a bad/sad day. His Dad was his best friend as well as his father. Another reason for me to really think about moving as far as I can get from here after a year has passed. Sorry, needed to vent. Debbie

I am so very sorry for all you have been through and for what you are currently going through. Although I am not very good at expressings my thoughts, feelings and words to others, I just want you to know I will be thinking of you. The replies on this forumn have been so helpful and such a blessing. Debbie

In going back to work I find many different feelings coming to the surface. Lost, sad, trying to be strong, find myself wishing for a different job that is more gentle to people then the one I currently have. Today as I was helping someone file a complaint, the older man asked me if I was married. I simply told him no. He asked "why not"? I held it together in front of him till another clerk heard what he was saying and came to rescue me. Off to the ladies room for me. Thought I would pass out from crying so much. Made reality really sink in. Once again, I thank you all so much for your kindness, prayers and replies as you are all going through this journey. Blessings, Debbie

My heart goes out to you tonight as you shared your day with us. Some days, out of nowhere, it knocks us on our knees and the ache in our hearts is so intense. My thoughts and prayers for comfort as you walk through this journey. Blessings, Debbie

Stuart, The one month for me was last Tuesday and I started with a support group held at the hospice where my husband died. Alot of anxiety and memories, but I am glad I went. I am so sorry you are going through this. The song by air supply is such a tribute to your Heidi. I wish I had the right words for you and all the others here, all I can do is think of you all and send prayers and blessings. Your posts have inspired me in many ways. My thoughts and prayers will be with you tonight as well as with your sons. Blessings, Debbie

Very hard week-end for many of us. I wish for comfort for all of us. Keep telling myself it will get better. I can't tell you all how much each and everyone of your replies, thoughts, prayers, and blessings help me. It is so nice to have a place, a safe place where no one expects me to smile or be brave. Or to be "doing good". Wish I could just wake up and be through this very sad, confusing, lonely time in my life. Blessings my friends. Debbie

Hysterectomy for me as well. Although still have on ovary, maybe that is why this week-end is so hard, PMS? I do apply bio-identical hormones daily and they help with the other fun things associated with this phase of my life. I will try tracking too see.

Oh Linda, I know. This week-end is really hard for me too. LIke I said, reality is starting to sink in and I feel like I am slowly falling apart. Wanted to go to church today, just did not feel like putting on a happy face. Will have to do that tomorrow for work. My heart hurts for all of us on here. I thought the sunshine would help, but Dean just loved autumn days like this and it reminds me so much of him. Moving Derek's things in Dean's bedroom and maybe that is forcing me to face reality, just don't know. My thoughts and prayers sent to you. Hugs and blessings. Debbie

On All Saints Day part of the program was the song "I Can Only Imagine" ( Mercy Me). I heard this song many times, However the words clearly have a much deeper meaning for me now. Just wanted to share in hopes listening to it comforts another. Blessings, Debbie

Thank you for sharing. Beautiful reading and inspriring. Blessings, Debbie

Evidently the shock is wearing off for me as this has been the worst I had felt since my husband died. I just can't begin to explain how much it hurts today. As I read through my journal today, I was surprised at how well I seemed to be coping those early weeks. Not the case at the present. My chest hurts from crying so much, my eyes burn, my heart is breaking. This process and or journey, is awfully hard work for us. One step forward, many back. Not really digging this dance at all. I think I prefer shock. It was as safe as safe could be. But I suppose this part of our journey is a neccessity. I'll keep telling myself that. It's unusual for my glass to be "half empty". Just don't feel like being grateful at the moment. Thanks for letting me vent. Blessings, Debbie

I am so sorry you are having a more than usual trying day. I was sharing yesterday that for me, the shock seems to be dulling so I am feeling the loss more intensly than before. It hurts deeper. Deeper in my heart, my stomach, you name it. Could this be another stage for us? It will be 5 weeks for me today. I realize we all need to work through this so we can continue in the process, however it hurts so bad. Blessings to you today and always. Debbie

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. I have not yet had the gift of a dream and perhaps it is too soon. My husband died 10/10/09. It is my belief that God will send that to me when he knows I am ready. In his time. I tend to want to control events and throughout my husbands last weeks with us, I finally learned/accepted that God is in control. Honestly, I believe shock is still with me a bit, as I keep going back and forth in acceptance. My Dr. suggested I let God steer my life, so I am really trying to do so. Hopefully wonderful dreams will come to all of us. Blessings, Debbie

I am so very sorry for your loss. Blessings to you and your family. Debbie

Linda, I am so touched by you sharing your signs with us. I too believe that God allows gifts to come to us when we need them the most and when he feels it is the right time for such gifts. You are so on target on my experience on how others react to our grief. Tonight someone ask me what "longing" feels like. Was difficult to put the feelings into words. During a conversation today I got sad and of course the tears started and they ask "are you having a moment"? Of course I was having a moment. It's only going to be 5 weeks! Others seem to be very uncomtfortable when I do have a "moment". It is my belief as well, that our society needs to be more educated about the grief process. And had my situation turned out differently, I would not have the understanding I now have. You are doing a wonderful thing by being yourself and letting others share in your journey. Once again Linda, through all the really hard times, I am so happy for your ray of sunshine. Blessings to my friend in PA. Debbie

I am so sorry for all the mixed feelings you are having. I would pray about it and simply follow your heart. What would be good for you to do? What would help you have peace? Is there a Pastor or someone else you trust to share your sorrow, feelings, and who could help you with your decision? Whatever you decide, my prayers and best wishes. Blessings, Debbie