Marion Claire

This winter I am going to Mazatlan with my brother and sister-in-law. Have been there several times together and my brother insiste they were taking me this year. I kept saying no but then was thinking and realized Ray would want me to go. Every year he'd say "Never know when it will the last trip with the 4 of us cause we are all getting older." Really think he would want me to go with them like we always have each year. Not expecting it to be easy, but there are lots of memories there. First time we went just the two of us. Then always the 4, or 6 of us. So am going away this winter. Do know he would want me to go not just sit home and be lonely all the time.. Hope you have a great trip and enjoy the time you and the kids...

in the 9 months my husband was sick he never mentioned dying. He knew he was but never spoke about it. He would pull me close and just rest his head on me and be so sad and just sit like that for a while. He just could not talk about it to anyone. Except once told one son-in-law he was worried about me financially. My son-in-law assured him our 5 girls would help me any way that was needed as would the adult grandchildren. Think it was too painful the thought of being parted for him to talk about it.

I am blessed with 5 wonderful daughters and 14 grown grandchildren. They are also hurting real bad, but they are always here if I need them so I am very fortunate. But still I am alone it feels at times because they are grieving different type of loses. None of us are doing real good, but I have been told many times no matter what time of day or night if I need someone to talk to or need someone to come over just call and they will be here as soon as they can. So I know I am far luckier than lots of people. But also in that mix I have 2 daughters who truly hate each other and their kids also hate each other. Always problems too in a large family. Not complaining just needed to talk, and that is what is so special about this group. You can let out whatever you need too. I love you all for being here and listening to me rambling on. Hugs to all here on this site.

3 years ago our only son committed suicide. That so impossible to bear, but then I had my husband to share the pain with. You should never out live your children!! He was not a child but 48 with lots of alcohol and drug problems in the past. Now here I sit with neither of them with me. Have a lot of wonderful family around, but my two guys are missing and it hurts so much. Somedays I wonder how I can manage to live the life I have now.

Sunstreet, I feel your loss very clearly as now I have lost my husband 2 months ago to cancerj==3 years ago we lost our only son to suicide. I understand the feeling of both very well. I will forever grieve my son also, and also my dear husband. Few people care to talk to you when they hear the word suicide. If you ever want to talk just e-mail me. I read very book I could find on suicide after my son took his life.

I am so grateful for having found this group. At times I want to talk, but no one really understand what I am feeling. Even my children-they are mourning losing their father, My grandkids are missing losing a grandfather. Still none truly understand losing my friend and partner of nearly 56 years. Only someone who has had to survive the same thing can possible understand what I need to say at times. I thank God for finding this wonderful group of wonderful caring and understand people. Have somehere I feel free to say whatever I feel I need to say. Bless you all, and am sorry we are metting in a group like this. Marion

Also my first holiday alone. Could have gone places with kids and grandkids but I just didn't want to go and be surrounded by people. Last 4th was the last time we at the lake where one daughter lives and Ray was trying to teach one grandson-in-law how to drive his remote control little boat. Got a video today and he had it running just great on the lake. Made me so happy but also made me cry. He did a great job with it and I know Ray is so proud of him. Did have one cheerful event today who when a grandson came who got back from Iraq yesterday. He lived with us his senior year when his mom deserted him re-marrying and moving away a few months after our son passed away. Of course I took him in to live with us. Was great to see him. Only has 5 days total back here but he helped me haul stuff to the garage I need out of the house before I can sell it. And said to call if I need any help. With so few days home I am not calling him to come over and work. He will be back to visit me again before he leaves in 4 days tho. So have two happy events on a very sad day otherwise. I need alone time more than a group of people no matter how special they are to me. Am not in a celebrating mood every now. Hate the thought also of holidays coming up. Both are birthdays are in Sept, and our anniversay is the day after Christmas. Have more days I am not looking forward too than ever before. Days that used to be special and now dreaded days instead. In two months nothing has changed much on how I feel except more lonely probably. Marion

This is a wonderful place where we can feel free to vent. Something we need badly to do at times I know. I truly believe on this site people really do care and we are all sharing a horrid burden of losing a loved one. Marion

Today my husbands namesake was baptized. His last trip out of this house before passing away was when this baby was born. Had waited 6 years for this grand daughter to finally have a baby..Had many more but this was such a long wait, and was going to be named after him. He was not clear at all but wanted to go see them. Got into the hospital room and all was real good, till we left and then the confusion was back. He held that baby and smiled so at him. I felt him there at the baptizm today. I know he was there. He saw the little guy once more in the hospital but didn't fully understand by then already who it was. Have to talk and can't talk to family cause they are hurting too. We are a large close knit family. Well almost two families really hate each other and that surely add's to my grief. Have enough to deal with. I lost my husband May 2nd after 9 months of being sick. Marioon

I lost my husband of over 55 years on May 2nd. I am trying to forget that tomorrow is father day. Know I can't but wish I could. Lost our only son 3 years ago, so this year I will have no male at father's day. I am dreading even waking up in the morning tomorrow. So many events, Sept is birthday, Dec our anniversary and then also the holidays. Barely made it on those days after losing our son, and this year don't know how I will get through them.. Lots of here I know are going with so much the same feelings.