Marion Claire

I was caregiver for my husband and the last few months were exceptionly hard. Never knew when he would wake and try to get up or whatever. I did have one grand daughter who is a nurse that showed up everyday for a while and that helped me so much. She also had a 4 month baby to watch but that did help my husband seeing the baby. I don't think I ever had such a sad time in my life as watching life slowly leaving him. But I did not want anyone else taking care of him.

Had to change my profine picture. This was shortly before he left us. Was up meeting greatgrand child he had waited 10 years for. Lots of others but they were having a problem and when this little guy came Ray actually went up to the hospital to hold him. All confused except in that room. Before and after he was so mixed up but not in that hospital room. His middle name is Ray after his greatgrandpa. Probably one of the happiest days he had ever. He lived to hold his name sake once at least....

All people are different, and all people respond differant to loss. There is right or wrong way to feel.. Please don't think your life is not worth living any more. He want you to go on I am sure. I have several medical problems and my husband did so much to help me and was so worried that I could not take care of myself. I am==there is no choice now. I have to figure out how to do things for myself and not always have him here to help me. Still I want I want to go one for my family. I miss my husband 24/7 but so does my family and they need me here.. Life is worth living even when it feels like it never will be! So I have been told! Have not gotten that far myself yet I admit. One day maybe.

Your post is one that I think most of most everyone here knows just how you feel. Tomorrow is 4 months since my husband joined our son in heaven. You wonder how you will survive, you wonder who you are now when you were one of a pair and now the other half is no longer there. I have not figured out for sure how to be just one person alone here in this house.

Jennalee I don't think there's a difference in age when it comes to grieving. You had such a short time together and that is so sad. I on the otherhand lost my partner of nearly 56 years. I don't remember life without him. Old or young here we are all hurting the worse possible. Hugh hugs...

Sept 2nd will be 4 months since I lost my husband, and life is no easier at all. I still wake up and look over to his side of the bed....... Don't know if that habit will ever go away. I have a very large, loving family and have so much love and support, but you know that doesn't take the place of what I lost. That void is always with me wether I have company or am alone.

The past 3 months without my husband I have not done much laughing or smiling. Today I was watching my 8 month old great-grandson scooting around on my deck and I smiled till my face hurt from watching him. As lost as I am a little child can work wonders for me....

Had a bad night last night. Not unusual really, but my back and leg pain is getting worse, and so I sit around more and if no one is here I think of how alone I am now. I truly don't know how to function as half of a couple.. I worry about tax time etc. I know how to do none of that stuff. Ray always took care of everything and he took care of ME!! Trying still to figure out how to do this alone. Know there is no answer and we each have to figure it out for ourselves..Hope someday I manage to figure out how to be just me, not half of Ray and I. Even with a hugh and very caring family I feel I am====JUST ME!!! Giant hugs to all here. Marion

Yes besides being together for so many years, Ray took care of me. I was in the hospital having surgery more times than I can count and he always took care of me. He did anything he could to make my life easier. He was in perfect health until the evil cancer apperared and 9 months later he was gone. He always said I couldn't take care of myself alone. Well there is no choice any more. I have to take care of myself. I can do it, but it's going to be a long hard task only because I don't have him here beside me now. I have a pet too that is a great comfort and companion. He's just a cat but to me he's a wonderful friend. He is my grandson's and when he went into the Air Force he wanted the cat to live here not with any other of his family. No chance him ever getting that cat back now. He's my best friend and lets me talk or cry to him as much as I need too.. Hugs to everyone in this group of wonderful people. Marion

The day I lost my husband (3 months ago) I came home alone. I wantd no one here. After the funeral of course some family were here after but by evening I was alone again. Have family visit most every day for a while, but from 3:00 on it's just me and my cat. I am truly trying to figure out how do I live alone. This week, I walked down the block aways, but on the side where there are no houses, just a school fence so didn't have to talk to anyone. Wrong I know! Went out to Wal-Mart one evening--have not ventured out for a long time now. Actually today I went to church. By myself. Have family that go there too, but I figure I have to learn to be alone. Making a little headway, but if it will get better or end I sure don't know. Nothing makes sense about living on alone.....

I am praying for only good news when you go to the doctor on Monday.

You and your children and in my thoughts and prayers on this sad day. I can't even remember what I wore or who was at my husbands funeral in May. I have no recollection of most of that day. Was too sad to remember I guess. I am so sorry you have to go thru this. Our common bond here is such a very sad one. Giant hugs,

I believe our pets are great friends when we are left alone. I have a cat that was my grandson's before he went in the Air Force and he wanted me to keep it. Now that I am selling my house for a one story apartment many say==no pets! Since losing my husband the cat is so much comfort. He seems to understand and some and curl up on me when I am feeling really down. I will not move where he can't go too. Nothing silly about grief for a pet. There is a group on here for that too!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad you joined this group. So many understanding and wonderful people here. All in a group we would have have wanted to join. You can just ramble, rant, rave, whatever you need to do and we all understand. For lots this is the one place we can let our desperation out on being left alone.......... Hugs, Marion

Well with the input I got from you great people I will stay right here. Really hard to recover from so many years of being 1/2 of a pair and now I am just me, whoever that is? Will find out in time I know. You are so much help and this is one place I can say how I really am feeling. My family is grieving so much I hate to burden them too much. Hugs to all. Marion

Have been wondering if at my age of nearly75 I really should be on here or in the hospice grief group I go too. Seeing younger people suffering makes me feel I probably shouldn't be on here. Ray would have been 80 next month. Always extremely healthy but for hearing loss from Korean War. Looked younger and worked so hard yet. So--we raised our kids, saw our grandkids grown and saw 14 of the great-grandkids. I just have so many memories that come back and make me so extremely sad and lonely. A picture or song will make me cry, but at my age maybe I should have been prepared and not come to places for support. Just wondering. Love this group, but just had the thought maybe I shouldn't be here......Marion

I have an aunt to trys to say when your spouse died the marriage is over and the rings should come off.... Well I can not go along with that at all. I wear my husband ring under mine and bought a tear drop ring that says until we meet again. I will do what I feel is right for me. Might not be right for everyone but for me it is.. Mormons marry for all eternity, so maybe buried somewhere in me is a little Mormon tradition. Not that I know of tho. Just I will always do what feels right for me. Marion

Often have wondered how people with no faith survive. That is what keeps me going at all. Know my husband is in a far better place and out of the horrid pain now. Nats hope all you reports turn out good. Will be thinking of you and praying all is well. Up and down life seems to go after such a great loss. Hugs to you, Marion

People can be very cruel at times. Not always meaning too but are just stupid in what they say. I am so sorry for your and your children's loss. I know 3 years ago my son cleaned up from the drugs and alcohol,even cigarettes, and then took his own life. Lots of people figured seeing he had problems it was no big deal. Well it was a hugh deal to all our family including his 5 children. People have problems in this life. Praying you find the will eventually to do more with your children and enjoy life a little more. Easy to say, but I know I can't do it yet myself and my husband died in May. I can say it but can't do it myself..................One day at a time. One hour at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time is what I can manage. Know I seldom want to leave my house. Prefer to stay in here like a hermit... Hugs and good luck, Keep posting on this great site. Marion

The jouraling has helped me a lot. Lost my only son at age 48 3 years ago and started a journal. Now in May I lost my husband of 55 years. I can share so much with him in my journaling. Yup lots of us forget to eat meals. I do I know, and my grandkids are afraid I will starve so promised Sunday to go grocery shopping. Seems so useless to fix stuff for one person. I am so very sorry for your loss and know the horrid pain you are feeling. This group and one local hospice one here is the only place I feel I can be just me. (whoever I am now!) We need not be afaid fo what we say. We are all suffering the same pain. Big hugs, Marion

I needed so to write on here again. Thanks gals. Kay guess that really hit home. I am not ever again the person I was for so many, many years. I just have to figure out how to live as who I am today. It has been so bad lately, all I want to do is look at pictures old and new and cry. Course having my house half in the garage for the realator showings doesn't help any, but I do have to move cause I can't manage the steps etc here. It doesn' look like our home even now. We had matching recliners and how his is in the garage cause they said I had to move that and one other chair. If I had thought would have put mine out and kept his in instead. Will miss my monthly hospice group this month cause it's the evening after my surgery and I have to stay home. That helps me a lot. Met a friend out there after just two meetings. We totally understand what each is going through and that helps. I am so grateful to be able to come on here and say whatever I need to get out. Hope I hit the keys right. Right now my vision is messed up from the surgery, so hope my finger's don't wander off too much. Thanks so much for all being here.. Guess lots of us are feeling the same or did at one time. Please==will it ever get better??? These 3 months have been a life time it feels like. Big hugs friends. Marion

Well have my house all in order after weeks of going through over 55 years of our stuff! Have had a lot of people looking. Ray always did the laundry and other things that were too hard on my back and legs so I can't stay here alone now. Worked so hard the past few weeks had no time to think as much. Major depression and all reality really hit me now.. I am so lost and lonesome. Have ton's of family, but oh, how I miss my husband. It's close to 3 months now and today the pain was the worst it's been since the very beginning.. Just don't know how to handle life alone. He was too good to be and I depended on him so much. Am lost totally now.................. Just letting it out....

I don't cook ever any more. When Ray got sicker he wouldn't eat any more so haven't cooked for a long time now. Seems so sensless to cook for just me and is impossible to cook for one. Raising 6 kids I always had to cook large amounts and had a real hard time over the years to cook for two, but now I really have no interest in eating meals. Don't lose weight, but never cook a meal. Doubt I ever will again.. Kids and grandkids come by often and bring me food, but that's about it.