Haley

Lorrikelly I am in the same boat with you and do we feel alone and as if nobody cares but like me I feel as if coming here and writing each and every day and sometimes a few times a day it helps hang in there and we can all get through this together and a family sence ares are so out of wacked sorry if I offened anybody not trying to just my feelings I will talk to you tomorrow you can also pm me and as many times a day as needed about anything. Thanks Haley

Ok Derek You hit a bone and man its really hit hard I am thinking and I also loves that peom and it was great I use to read it everyday at least five times a day Whne I got a divorce I left it in the house by mistake but not a big deal. anyway you are right God does love us and take care of us thank him for that everyday I also talk or I should say I try to talk to my MOM but she doesn't answer me that is where I think I have failed her but I am trying I have 3 great boys to raise and my MOM would be so proud of them they are great and keep me going but I still want my mom. Haley

Hey Derek When youare done cleaning your house you can come and clen mine I won't stop y ou a bit I hate cleaning Its like you clean something and its right back dirty a few minutes later. Have a good one Haley

Thank all I really do take what you all say to me home and think about it not in so many words but if something happens or what ever it like it replies to all that we talk about. Really I am almost nuts honestly I wish I would just go nuts to get it over with so I can start to feel again I am tired of going numb. Change in my life is hard to do I am not use to that I like the samethings at the same time I really men that its like I go to bed at the same time pretty much I get up at the same time I drink my coffee at the same time out of the same cup for 10 years really and I am such a routine person and that fits in with my MOM cause I would go by her house everday and just say hi out of my window as I was driving by or I would call or stop and now I have caught my self goingto pick up the phone to call her and I can not. I would love to talk to her again. Don't we all though. I no that i am not alone here in this group and it helps but in life every second that feeling alone sucks and I worry about pleasing everybody that I don't take my problems to anybody I would only go to my MOM and grandma and sister and they all left me my MOM passed and my grandma moved cause her other daughter was bi***ing about her wanting to stay down in florida with me and my sister moved they all have good reasons why well wait my MOM does not have a good reason for leaving me but I want them all back here with me. Well the week end is here oh boy more time to think. any body doing anything fun and exciting not me. getting ready to move oh boy. Thanks Haley

To all I thank you for the imput I am not sure how to digest it all but I will take time to think about it. I understand everything happens for a reason. I also understand the man above has a plan for each one of us. I also understand that we are here to accomplish things and when we do it is our time to go home, but I have a hard time even thinking about death I can not talk about it I can not think about it I get so scared and frozen when the subject comes up I leave where I am at maybe thats why I am having such a hard time with this? I do not really have the answer. I at this point have no answers on anything. I also understand that the ones we love above are watching over us and helping in many different ways but I have not come to that yet in my loss I ask her why she will not talk to me I ask her the same questions I asked everybody here but nothing in return yet. I can not get the image out of my mind from that day and night I am crushed the last look on my MOM and all. I know we all lose someone or something that we love and cherish and get hurt by it and it all hurts in the same but different ways even if we are all so different and have know control and we learn from it but right now the only thing I am learning is how to go nuts Thanks everyone please keep the advice coming Haley

To All: I have one question to ask does any body have any answers to WHY? Why anything? Why everything? Why us? Why our family? JUST WHY EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I would love to get your imput Thanks Haley

Whiteswan Is it not weird how our family tries to protect us in one way or another and we learn from things it may take time but I believe that truely. Your MOM protected you and your son now in your dream rather than something else to have happened. I just wish I could see things like that with my MOM I believe it but it has not happened yet to me. Weird I know but you have to believe in things before you can see it for real. I am so glad that is one less worry to you and your son now but, did she ever email you back or did she just leave it alone I hope so you don't have to deal with the rat again she left running the other way. I have only had one dream of my MOM sence she left me. I had a dream that she was there with all of her kids and I got to give her a hug and kiss even though everybody else told me not to I did anyway. I don't understand it yet but I at least got to give her a hug and kiss. I would like to look that up in the dream book to see. Keep in touch Thanks Haley

Sunstreet You are not alone it seems like you are but you really are not,we all are here for you in many ways a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen with. I have been to this site for a few months and it helps to come here a few times just to vent and talk.(type) Everybody here has great advice and it helps. I am new to all of this grieving and have gotten great advice from Shell, Paul, and Kathy, and Whiteswan, and everybody else. It is so hard to go day to day but working like you are wanting to is not really good either. You need to give your mind a little bit of down time to function back to normal and to keep your head on straight. I am also like everyone else confused and lonely and needing to figure it out but like a peice of advice was given to me was "you can not try to figure it out just let it happen" I have been thinking about that alot and its true the more you try to figure it all out the more I was getting mixed up weird huh I know but I have not figured it all out yet either. Just hang in there and come and talk to us all about everything and anything at all no matter what. Thanks Haley

Whiteswan I am so sorry that you had to go through that horrible friendship. How could someone in there right mind try to be so controlling? You did the right thing by just emailing her and ending it all for once. Your mom is above smiling down on you for you standing up for your son and family (mom, son and your self) I bet you have made her proud. I would wash your hand of her totally and never even give her a second or third ... chance. She over stepped her boundries thats that. I bet you she is just jealous of who and what you have in your life and she does not. You've said that her own family pushed her away well thats your answer. Family is in for the long haul and to push them away you have done wrong. Take care keep your head up. Thanks Haley

Shanna You need to go through this exam with hope and trust that your MOM is with you every step of the way. Just because she is not here on earth doesn't mean she doesn't want you to finish what you started and make her proud now as she was than. You should think about taking a peice of her with you that day to help and see that she is with you. I bet you will feel a push now and again and a big hug to start, and a pat on the back when you are done. If you feel as if you can not do it for you do it in memory for her I think you should take the advice of your friends and get ready and take the jump and go. Good luck and let us no how you did Keep your head up Thanks Haley

Sue My name is Haley so welcome you will find lots of help on this site it really helps so hang in there. As for you loosing you husband and best friend I am so sorry for you. The time that you need your family they are trying to keep you apart that is not right. Have you tried to contact our legislator here in Florida to see if there is anything you can do or Immigration your self to explain to them. I have heard of people getting thru to the president about this kind of thing have youtried that I heard something on the news. I will look in to it for you thru the cable network I watch is channel 8 or even bay news nine or take it to the media. I know its such a hard time right now so if youwant I will help in anyway I can. I am sure there is everybody else here onthe site that has ionfo to help also. They have helpped me also. Hang in there once again Welcome aboard Thanks Haley

Paul At your next meeting ask how they think we should put the mask away and express our selves. As for the mask I can see that but I don't even really no how I feel or how to put it in to words. The main word I can see is WHY??? Why my MOM ??? Why me ??? Why now??? Why just everything is why to me????? Haley

Can't tell I hear your pain and feel it. You need to ask yur self from the bottom of your heart on what you should do only you and God have that answer. I agree with you on somethings about not wanting to hurt the people you love and making them sad when you are not sure on how long, but what are youdoing to help you is there a group you go and talk to or do you just bottle it up in side and hide it that is also not good for you. Everything seems to get worse before it gets better so hang in there. You health insuranceis a hard one what about talking to someone in your town like a congress person? The reason whyI say that is because my MOM got sick several years ago and we were told to call them and they helpped all the way. What state so youlive in there usually other means of help also. You have to give yourself the credit you deserve about being a stay at home mom. The toughest job out there 24/7 365 really non stop as you see. The payment is more than life its self youget to see what you helpped create how strong you helpped your kids (all) are and respectful. Don't ever think that is all you did it takes a special person to have that job I was a stay at home mom until my kids hit school age. It sounds like it is time to have a deep inner conversation with you and the MAN above to find out what you should do and how to do it. Good Luck Keep in Touch Haley

Jenn You so are not alone here I am new to the site also fairly, but the people here are great. Its like we can vent and not be judged, along with crying through words and the shoulder is there. A hug from shell via lines is there and just advice also that you can take or leave and its ok. I look forward to typng thing to all and getting answers. I too have not ever had to deal with death and my MOM passed 3 months and 1 day ago and it is had I still can not cope but it helps here talking about it all. Hang in there we all have to go on some how and together as a group we will make it day by day. Haley

To all: I went through something this weekend that was so heart breaking to me. I was on my way to eat lunch with Billy (my boyfriend I think anyway) and his friend and we were on our way and we stopped at a store so they could get something to drink (beer)and they went into the store I picked up my phone and went to call my MOM......Well the last time I thought Heaven does not take phone calls huh now what I have lost my mind and my heart is crying none stop so now what how doI handle this what do I do. Please someone give me some sort of advice and let me know that I am not going nuts. Haley

How do you become unselfish that my question??????????

TO all: I have joined a little while ago and have to admit that it has helpped alittle and I owe Shell a huge thanks for taking the time to talk to me and letting me vent. Thank Shell Really though I have come with maybe something that will help even if it is one person (hoping for more). I have lost my Mom April 9th 2006 and her birthday is April 11th and that I had my grandmother move away to New York 2.5 weeks later and than 2.5 weeks later I had Mothers Day to deal with and wait 2.5 weeks later my sister also moved out of state. I am alone now except my 3 boys (they are my life totally). So here is how I found out that it helps. I get up every morning and as I am leaving for my day to start I stand in front of my Mom (ashes) and talk to her for a minute. I tell her I love and miss her and need her to hold my hand for the day so we can get through the day together. I also need her to show me how to handle ever issue I can not and donot want to do it alone I need her. There is times that I cry wait I cry alot thats my mom. I also say " I did love you I do love you and I forever will love you" I feel that right now that is the only way I can even think about getting through my day I really know hopw hard it is. Wait even though my grandmother is alive I have a few things she gave me and one is an Angel and ever morning I also say hi and I love her and that I miss her I think you get the picture. I really hope this also helps some one out there its up to you on how you do it but I can tell when I have been so busy that I have left and not been able to talk to MOM and man is my day shot really. If anybody out there has any other ideas please fill me in I could use other things also. Haley

Kathy Thanks And you are right I have no idea on how to go on alls I do is cry and have turned my life off and have put up a wall so I can try to not get hurt anymore like this anymore I have to pass by my moms place daily like 3-4 times and my grandma's also. I am not much of a reader I have started working out at 4:30 in the mornings and that is getting old also cause I take the anger with me but hey thanks for taking the time out to reply and hope to talk to you again Haley PS if you need some one to talk to i am agreat listener

Hi I am very new to this whole thing I am going through alot and feel so alone and nobody to talk to that will not judge me. My name is Haley and i have just lost my mom on April 9th 2006 and her birthday was 2 days later on the 11th of April and than Easter and than Mothers day and than to go on two weeks later my grandmother (my mom's mom)who live next door to my mom and was my mom's best friend and mine left she had to go to New York and live next to her other daughter so she left me she said that she did not want to but sence I was a single mom of 3 boys and had a full time job and she is 86 she needed to go. and than to go even futher 2 weeks later my sister (my best friend)and her family left to move to Maryland to better there life and I have one other sister who came to me and is leaving real soon with her two boys who I am very close to also. I have my 3 boys which are the world to me and I am freezing up fast cause I do not no how to handle the pain I have been through tough times but not like this and with my mom I have never dealt with passing before, and boy I am on the verge of going nuts any advice on how to get over all this please help Lost in Florida: Thanks for taking the time out to listen.