Haley

Libby Yea you are right and at least you have your mom's husband spending the holidays with you that is good I am having thanksgiving dinner at my house boy oh boy is it going to be hard but we have to do it and with my boyfriend and his mom coming over we will get through it together oh Iforgot to tell you my boyfriend (Billy) lost his dad in August also yea really but together we will make it I am making some sort of memory wall for all of them cause he also lost his Aunt and his dog and his moms best friend in the last 2 years so I am trying to do my best but with the love we all have I will make it and yes like youfor my boys. Yea some days are better than others but the pain is always there huh. Well I will talk to you later Thanks Haley

Hi to everybody I have not been to the site in a week or so but I have been so busy with everything lately and all the reason I have started a new topic is I want to see if anybody has any input for me here is my problem. I have all of a sudden claimed up to where I do not speak really only when I have to I have all of a sudden stopped talking to everybody but a few people like really only maybe 5 and thats only because I do nothing but cry is has been 7 months for my MOM left me and I am losing it in life I have nothing good to say and nothing good to do. I barely made it pass halloween with my boys I wanted to stay home and hide but of course anybody with kids knows you can not and it was so hard because we use to go show my MOM the boy's costumes and than they would take her some candy after that but BAM not this year it stopped no warning no nothing just stopped. I also have started crying almost every morning and can not stop and I try to talk to her but MOM wont talk back and with the holidays the meaningful ones coming up what am I going to do I am having thanksgiving at my house and I have no family coming my MOM left me and my sister and grandmother moved away and I am a mother who can not afford to take time off from work and I am hurting still so bad the pain and hurt has not eased up or gone away at all. I am starting to want revenge with everybody that has ever hurt me or done wrong to me and I am such an emotional wreck that if somebody says anything that is said in a not calm voice I start crying and go off, I am so defensive also. any ideas to help please not a councler I hate people (most) i am not a people person Thanks Haley

Libby Welcome with open arms and a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. I also like the others are in the same boat I lost my MOM 7 months ago and I am still numb I also have kids mine are 3 boys and thats all I have but they are the greatest I only keep on going forward because of them. Like said before from everyone else we have to take it one day at a time and it does not matter if you cry I am still crying to this day I still go to the phone to talk to my MOM. I actually found my self at my MOM'S house yesterday just walking through it why I don't have that answer but I just went there and it is no easier now as it was then I still want my MOM with me and I still try to talk to her. I am still knda numb and maybe not wanting to see it is real yet but hey I am human. I do not have the answers for you except hang in there and show your emotions as you need to, and your MOM would not want you to give up not now I have to remind my self that all the time I am truely sorry for your loss and its not easy but hopefully coming to the site and being where we all are together in the kinda same boat and see that you can say and do what you want and you nobody wil judge you. As the first of things its not easy but we all have to go on and our family members would not want us to stop. I am dreading the holidays, Halloween was so hard and thats for kids but my boys would go to my MOM'S and show off there costumes and take her there reese's peices candy bars MOM'S favorite and nothing this year I sat there like a bump on a log so please for you mom keep going even if it is at a slow pace hang in there we are all here for you. Thanks Haley

Thanks All I really love coming here and talking to you all it helps. Trust me when I say this I only talk to you guys I have claimed up to everybody else I am not a people person at all and I am not a person that can be in a room where there is alot of people and I get feelings from people before I even talk to them and I am a very quiet person. I am having another sad day today adn man I am lost still I see that everybody says that it takes time fine I can handle that part but I also hear that they the ones that we lost will always be there for us I have yet to see that I am trying so hard to be patience totalk to MOM but its not helping and I can not get past the hospice lady telling me that my MOM will wake up and talk to me for 30 minutes like nothing is wrong and than she would probly say good by and than leave me good thing I am not holding my breathe huh. I really owe you all alot in life just for listening Thanks Haley

shelley I think it is in the air really I am so down and out today and yesterday I hardly got out of bed yesterday I got outlong enough to read the paper and drink a cup of coffee and back in bed all day really I just had this odd feeling in me like I was lost and not knowing a thing and today well le me tell you about today. I am lost so bad that I can not think I did not even want to get out of bed and than coming to work its like it took every ounce I had to get dressed and that was a chore and I usually get dressed and look really good but today I do not care Likeyesterday I never een got out of my PJ's. I feel sick to my stomach and can not think I am lost and alone man it does not feel good it hurts even worse. I feel like I am miss placed and not needed just lost and alone. I hate that feeling I have not been to this site that much lately just been real busy and I thought I would be ok but its like one second we are ok and the next second we are hurting so bad. The tears are flowing that the ocean is no match for me. I thought I was getting better I guess thats what I get for thinking huh. I just want to go home and get in bed and cry really just cut loose with the tears. I never thought a person could cry so much. and its the beginning of the holiday season and I am this messed up already oh no I am in for it huh? How are we going to get through this I am not one for councling and I am not one for medicine so my options are slim to none huh? what about anything natural does anybody have anything that I can go buy froma vitimn store or am I out of luck. Thanks Haley

To All: I am starting to have these weird feelings going on with me, I can not figure it out and have nobody to talk to. My MOM left me 6 months sgo and than my sister moved away and so did my grandmother I am alone and these past week has been weird I am feeling so lonely and empty I keep catching my self and wanting to call my MOM but I can not and I keep trying to talk to her but she not there. I do not want to talk to anybody else I am shutting down real fast and I am hurt all over again. I don't talk to anybody I just fight and talk back and negetive help please I just don't no what to do I am hurting so bad. I feel like I have nothing nice to say to anybody I just get smart with everybody and silent. I have gained weight and drink and I am lost I hate the feeling that I am not needed or wanted. My MOM needed me and I was there along with my sister and grandmother but now they left me so who do I have nobody. Wait I have my kids but its not the same I love being there for them but they do not understand what its like to miss there MOM I want her back. I am dreading these next few months the holidays are here as we all have talked about in other dicussions but man it is hitting me like a ton of bricks I don't feel good about me or my life or anything and I am lost. Has any body else felt that way and if so how long does it last and how to you over come it? Thanks Haley

The roller coaster ride seems to carry alot of passengers huh I am aboard and it is not a fun ride. HI EVERYONE its been a few weeks for me I have been busy and real confused with life I have hit the 6 month mark also and I have been trying to make my self be in a good mood everyday, thats a job in its self. I try not to get in a bad mood but at times lately I have been moody and real testy like talking back in a grumpy mood. I am testy all the time and even with my kids. I have missed coming to this site and talking to everyone how is everyone???? Thanks Haley

Jewel I am so sorry about you losing your MOM I lost my MOM 6 months ago and it is still hard its our MOM and that is the one we go to all the time just hang in there and no that you can come and talk to us all the time I do and it helps. We are all in the same boat with losing somebody. Feeling alone is I think one of the hardest things to over come, by you just need that someone that will listen to you no matter what. Welcome thats what we are for. Keep your head up and yell scream and throw a fit when ever needed really let your emotions go. Thanks Haley

Penny Happy Birthday to you!!!!!!!! I just had a birthday also and it does suck I did not want to do anything just sit and cry I also have kids so I can not just hide either I just want the pain to go away I like the idea of going to a hotel and all that sounds like a good idea. I have not even started thinking about the holidays really I am so afraid to I blank it out of my mind its nuts. I have really nobody here for family they all moved so now what this is my first year for this and I wanna got nuts. A few good stiff drinks sounds good to me. Well I will along with all of us deal with this in our own way. Good thing we all have each other thanks to everyone. Thanks Haley

Trudy I have also had days that no matter what Iwas down and out and could not function. I hear that is normal ok if they say so. I also see that these holidays are coming and I feel like I have a major lump in my throat everytime I have to think about them and its hard to do so see not only have Ilost my MOM but Billy lost his DAD all in a few months of each other and so it will be me and Billy and his MOM and my 3 boys how do younot get upset I have no idea. I have my 3 boys that I have to be strong for and at times I think it is harder to be forced to be strong see I do not get to break down all the time and cry and hide I have to function everyday all day lond I am a single mom and I have to keep going at times it helps cause it gets my mind going but at times its hard cause all I want to do is fall out and hide but I can not oh well I will figure it out. I have to go on with my kids and they do no what is going on but that does not help at all the world does not stop for that huh. if you ever need to talk to somebody let me now morning noon night and you can call me I will talk to you I promise that goes for anybody I have needed somebody to talk to and shell was there for me once again thanks shell Thanks Haley

To All Oh goodness the dreaded days are coming. Can't any of us figure out away to blink our eyes and them to be gone? Sounds good huh. No really I am starting to have to think about these days and oh no what do I do? How do I get through this? Thanks Haley

Penny I am so sorry that you have to deal with all this now. Keep your self strong and your head up. Make plans to go and see her over the holidays and help in everyway you can. Life seems that it is just going down hill so do everything you can to bring you and her up. Hang in there. Thanks Haley

Kim I am not a good one to ask about some talking about death see I always avoided the subject all the way when everit came up I would always say I do not want to talk about it at all really nothing I would tell my MOM before she left me "You have to live forever" and the subject would change that quick really I have never had to deal with that before and than bame a ton of bricks fell on me while I was not looking. My MOM would come over almost evcery day and I would talk to her and we would have coffee and the times she did not come over I would try to call or my boys and I would walk to her house and get Ice Cream and have fun just sitting around and laughing it was her to feed my boys junk and chocolate and than send them home but hey thats what grandmothers do I never got mad. I would get her what ever she needed I took her shopping and just thats my MOM you no what I mean and now nothing and it gets worse really it does PM me and I will tell you. I also feel better after coming here and talking and getting advice it really does help and I really love talking to everybody. Shell has been there for me alot I needed her and we have talked via phone and its the best really I was having a major bad day a few weeks ago and I did not relize it was the 5 month mark to the day and I went nuts and drank my self to sickness and nuts and got sick and all and I called shell and we talked and it really does help. Ans we do not judge its great that I feel as if everybody is true to be. I was there down to the second they took her from me and I'll tell you man I am messed up from all that I went through and I am trying to cope with l;ife and its not easy so if at ever you feel like you are going nuts you probly are but that is ok just go nuts for the time and you will come out of it just cry scream yell hit a pillow or what ever you are in the mood to do. I have gone to my MOMs house and just sat there and tried to talk to her and it helps also but she does not talk back. Just tell everybody that you are having a bad day and stay away. YOu will find that one person that will stay with you and hold your hand and help you and let you destress to them "I am here for you" I am not sure on how long this last but I've heard it never goes away. I also am not sure who to be mad at I am mad at all the s*** heads in this world I fell like this. Why does God take the best people in the world and leave the s*** heads here with us. my brother told me the best thing I can live with and that is that. Why does God want s*** heads up there he only wants the best and thats why he took MOM and left the s*** heads with us. The hole in our hearts will fill up with happiness that we will find some how and somewhere with the joy that our loved ones that we wil find. I will type to you later Thanks Haley

Quiltcat & JKW You have come to the right place to feel like home we are all in this together and it helps. We do not judge and we listen and help in all ways. Life is so hard when you lose someone youlove andI also have never lost anybody until this year when my MOM left me. I was also in charge of everything for MOM and my 3 other sisters and my brother all agreed that it should be me, what an honor but what a heart ache. When Hospice was called in I too had to go in the ouse with a smile on my face and talk about everything but MOM not feeling well, man is that hard. I did everthing I could to make MOM more comfortable and I feel in my heart I did but it still does not make it any easier. Its been alittle over 5 months and I am still numb and life is not normal. I do not think it will ever be normal again I am starting to think that I need to change to what I have now and its a big hole in my heart. I do not want to deal with anyone anymore I just want to make it day to day and get my mind to stop racing and be able to focus on things again with a straight frame of mind. How I have no idea. Just keep your head up along with the rest of us and everything you are going through is just like the rest of us and you are so not alone and we are all here to listen and lend a shoulder and an ear and all and everything you need hang in there Thanks Haley

Trudy In so many ways I feel like we are talking for each other and have the same answers NONE huh.... I also have questions like that and also on the Friday before my MOM left me one of her doctors called me and asked why I stopped bringing her in I told him that she was in the hospital all week and we just got her home and he told me that he could heal her and fix her 80% with kemo and radition and I told him what the other doctors(3) told me and he said that I should try. I talked to my other sister the one that is 1 year older than me and my brother and they said that its not what MOM wanted and she was where she wanted to be I am at alost with that. Also I have not had a good experience with Hospice in the town I live with and I tried to do what they needed and wanted me to do and I always was there and helpped out in every way and all and they just really got to me. My MOM fell out of bed and they left the covers off of her and they were laughing and smiling and telling jokes and all really I mean it I know a few people who love hospice and work for hospice but I guess I just had the lemon of the bunch. I also am not one to go and sit and listen to some one talk about that stuff so I am better off just trying to figure it out all by my self. I am having a hard time with a few other tings also with this I am going nuts with my mind starting to think crazy things and its not easy I have tried to walk and nothing I have tried to exercise and nope and I have tried crying nope I have tried a few different things and nothing is working I am working as much as I can almost 50 hours a week and I am falling out at night but I still am not sleeping like I use to and my smiles have turned up side down and I can not pay attention to really anything else I start but I get thinking and there goes my mind. I also like coming to this site I am not judged by anyone just the safe feeling and the advice that I can take it I want or I do not have to either and its ok. I am not sure how I am going to make it through this at all or if I ever will and now that its that time of the year I am afraid really I have never been really afraid of anything but I am afraid. How is everyone going to get through this any ideas. Also in the mist of this Billy the guy I have been seeing for a while well his dad left in August so now what... Thanks Haley

Whitony Hey there welcome once again. I am glad that you are here with us we all help each other out. I lost my MOM 5 months ago and I am still numb and I have some good days and alot of bad but from what I hear it is normal and I also like everyone here needs help with this some of tham go to councling and others read me I just stop talking and stay to my self. I don't like talking to people and I hate reading my mind goes else where and we all deal with it in a very similiar way we all come here to talk and cry and ramble on in the way that we need to and its ok by us all. We are glad that you are with us and now hopefully your family will come also and join in. Keep your head held high and come and yell scream and cry all oyu want I no I sure do. Thanks Haley

Trudy 1964 Hey there you are so not alone in any of your feelings I am there along with all of us and it is not easy but with this site it does help and I come here alot and sometimes ramble on and on but nobody judges us and we all have a shoulder to cry on. I am going through the time where I can not get past the though of my MOM not being here with me I am trying to not think about the holidays yet I need to get past this point first and than take the holidays on I don't want them to come yet.. I can only think about the night she left me and I feel like she will not even talk to me now that she is not here with me. I feel like she is mad at me and now this is my punishment from her for not helping her more and getting help but I did what I could and what the doctors told me to and when they said to but now I am feeling like I did wrong maybe I should have done something and once again it goes back to mer thinking od the wonderful question of WHY well I do not have any answers for anybody but I have an ear to listen with and advice that might help. Thanks Haley

I can tell you all that Shell is a great friend I have never met her and we have talked and she has listened so much to me and gave me the truth on advice and all, but to my point I was having a major I mean major bad day on Saturday and I needed to talk to somebody and guess who was there for me yes SHELL and just let me go on and on and on and even checked on me later on to see if I was ok. THANKS SHELL you are a true person and friend THANKS!!!!! I also feel we all are there for each other that was just an example of how we as a family are here for each other no matter what is going on in our lives we all MAKE the time to talk and care and listen THANKS to ALL I really appricate you all really I truely do. this site has helpped me out so much. Thanks Haley

Kitkat I to lost my MOM 4/09/06 and the feeling of overwhelmed is just what was going through my mind this morning and its not a good feeling I just started to talk to my self and say like I need to run away even if it is for the day just to get my mind to calm down. Our minds are racing like you would not believe and its hard to think and focus. I also have nobody to talk about it with that is here by me I come to this site alot a few times a day also and it does seem to help a little bit I ahve had crying spells and I never thought one person could ever cry as much as I do and everybody else on our site but thats ok thats what we need to do. Feeling lonely is hard and stressful but believe me you are not alone here and we all are going through it together, I know it helps to have somebody near you to talk to but we are not that lucky just hang in there and come and tlak as much as youlike even if something good happens we all are trying to talk about that also it helps too. Thanks Haley Keep your head up we are there for you. P. S. If you need to scream than scream let it all out I have done that several times and thank goodness for pillows Haley

Charlie 1 I tried to go to the gym but I felt like the pounds were just adding on not subtracting odd I know but hey good luck do you have a goal on loosing or just a hobbie. I am glad you ahve a supportive family. Yes this site helps make the journey not so lonely for us. Thanks Haley

Trudy 1964 As at the beginning of this I also lost my MOM and I still to this day am very numb I had never had to deal with someone leaving me like that I was too little when my grandfather left and my neice I don't really remember but now bam its here and it does not go away. I have no idea on how to deal with it either. I have tried taking time to talk to my MOM and tried walking and working out and many other things but I have not found anything that works so as the advice that has given I take day by day and I am having a very hard time with this all cause like you guys it seems like when one thing happens there is many behind. Starting March 26 I got a phone call saying my MOM was in the hospital and 2 weeks later MOM left me her Birthday was 2 days later and than her funeral was the next day and than the next day my brother went back to New York and than there was easter and than 2 weeks after that my grandmother moved away and than really 2 weeks after that it was Mothers day and than 2 weeks later my sister moved to Maryland htan again 2.5 weeks later it was my youngest birthday and than the following month it was my other son birthday and than in August well let me see my boyfriends dad passed away and than it was my birthday and my middle sons birthday so how do I heal please tell me all this was a first for me without my MOM. I never want to celebrate mothers day or easter or my birthday again. I feel like I am alone all the way around I became an orphan that easy and it hurts. I love coming to this site it has jelpped me out a lot and I can talk to others and get there advice on things its great Thanks to you all Thanks Haley

Leann I also had something close to that happen. Right after my MOM left me I was at a cook out and this lady (wait shes not a lady) this thing was running off at the mouth and to make a long story short she worked at a funeral home and was bragging about it to begin with and than she was telling us how they find people and burry them and cremate them. Mind you my MOM was cremated!! and telling with a great laugh that it only cost $20.00 for the fuel to do this and would not stop so let me tell you I am a respectful female so I turned around and we left I was crying my eyes out. 2nd we were at another cook out and she and he boyfriend showed up and started all over about it all again and once again we left but this time a few other people told her to stop talking about it but that didn't faze her she is such a low life and I still think about that all the time. I would love to call her job up and tell them about it but the way the world is now a days is that it would not bother them So why waste my breathe on that low life. Thanks Haley They will reap what they sew (sorry about the spelling)

To All: As we all agree we need a place to talk about happy things so hear it goes it was a great idea and now we all can join and thanks to Amanada well I will start. I booked a cruise for February for a week I am going to the Western Carribean no reason just because I am me and I have 3 great boys and I have raised them and took them everywhere they needed and wanted and feed them clothed them and I just got a wild bug in me and booked it with some friends I am so excitied about it and it still gives me time to save for it and of course buy new cloths and hopefully have a blast I have never stayed on a cruise ship before so this is a first any thing I should no any advice and all. Also like I have said I have 3 boys and its our time to get busy we are signing up for soccer and young marines for them I am proud of them.. Thanks Haley

Thartz I also have spent many of days in bed and not got out because my MOM left me and I also have 3 kids (boys) really and they have seen me go through this and the only thing that has helpped me is that they need me. I get to thinking what about my MOM she needed me and I let her down but in return would she want me to let my boys down NO NO. I do take the time and think but I hav eto get up and go I have to support my kids and that is the way my MOM was with her kids. No matter what she had to go on day by day some are tuffer than others but she had to do it and she wanted to do it. I am not one to go to grief counceling but I hear it helps. I am not one to read either but they say that helps also. I find my self asking my MOM for the strenght to keep me going and to hold my hand and show me how to be as strong as she is. I wish you all the good luck talk you later you can pm also. Thanks Haley

Amanda / Thartz Yea it is funny we forget about the about the good stuff. Who now do we go to and thank gosh for this site you are right! I turn here alot and talk to everyone about the sadness and Shell or anybody else that want to talk about anything and everything about other things and it helps because in my life everything is running together and its hard to seperate it and with the help or talking to or just crying here with everyone it helps. I use to call my MOM a few times a day but it was ok if I could not because we both were busy but I never agreed to not ever being able to talk to her again and she would call me all hours of the night really all hours she would wake up and call. To have it stop all of a sudden man what a blow to the stomach and heart mainly. I really would love to hear some good news from us here at our site and I guess it is not a bad thing to have happen just because we all have lost one of the most important person or people in our lives we still have to have some good some where really. I am just starting to move on a tad bit and it is hard I feel like I am not suppose to have a good time. I would love to hear my MOM's voice again I no that is not going to happen but why am I starting this all over again of everything about her. I do not regret anything that ever happened with her between us we are very close. We had this thing that we would talk about and that is that if we lived and learned than we have nothing to regret. I feel really funny like I have claimed up alot lately and don't want to talk to anybody about anything anymore and can not get any words out that make sence. I just want to call MOM and talk to her. You also know what makes me so mad that I could just blow is that I come in contact with people where I live and they are jsut mean to the ones they love with words really it hurts me so bad that I sometimes say "Hey that is so and so be nice what are you thinking." I mean I know that at times people say and fight with the ones we love but man be nice 99% of the time. Thanks Haley