Haley

Brooke You will hear all kinds of things from people I don't think that they mean much harm from it I bet they are just trying to give you words to go on. You are only 26 and you are a single MOM hang in there and came and talk to us about anything I am to a single MOM and will give you any encouragement that you need feel free to talk to me when you need some times it is easier to get advice from people that you do not no than to face the ones and ask for help I am that way and Shell and Derek and Paul and EVERYBODY here is great. Keep your head high and cherrish your baby for the both of you. Don't worry about moving on your life will take you where you want and need it to be. Just remember people can not read your mind so when you really need help and thats ok also just ask for it and true people in your life will help you. We are here for you also. Thanks Haley

Derek I am so sorry that you are going through this really I am I no how hard it is to be a parent and lose someone close to you. I did not lose my spouce but I lost my MOM and I also have lost my temper with my kids. They are actually your strenght. They keep us going day in and day out they force us to keep going and to not give up. Be honest with Carson and explain to him how you are feeling they do understand and a hug from him will change your world. I know somethings are easier said than done. I also feel like giving up and the more that we think about it ask your self if that is what Karen would want you to do "NO" it is not. Hang in there and keep your head high and give Carson a big hug and just keep going forward. Thanks Haley

cant tell You are an amazing women!!!!! Really you are. You have the strength to go on and take care of all the important things in life (your family) and get it all done. I also agree that your husband needs to have your guys kids that is there dad and that is who they need to be with for a few reasons like one they need him and he is going to need them emotionally and all the way around. God only know's when it is your time to go and nobody can control that but you can control keeping your family together and the key word is family really I had my kids around me when my MOM passed and it helpped out. Why can your mother and oldest daughter help out while he is working you no like keeping your family together like it needs to be. I am so gald to hear that your insurance is still going and you can get the care that you need now lets all take a second to pray they come up with a cure for you. You are an insperation to your family. Keep strong and going but take it easy Thanks Haley

I am sitting hear today and thinking alot about my MOM leaving me and along with you all I know we are going through this together but I also was wondering if anybody else goes to pick up the phone to call the ones we lost to talk to them?? I have found my self picking up the phone to call my MOM or just saying out loud hey I need to call my MOM. I do not do it when I need her help thats when I sit on the end of the bed and talk to her or out side like her and I use to do when I would go and visit her. I try to call her when something good has happened to me and than it kicks in that she is not there for me to call, and that is when it hits hard my mind goes to work like crazy I beat my self up because I have tried to call her and I should know that she is not there. Thanks Haley

Marty Thanks also for that I needed that I was second guessing things today for a few things going on in my life and the guy I am seeing we both have lost a parent and it is tuff because at times I forget that its not just me that is going through this. Thanks alot Haley

I also am in the time frame of ,my MOM leaving and to me it seems as if I am getting silent all the time and think about everything. I am going thru the time that she left over and over again, and I try to work it all out in my mind to my self. I give you all the up most respect that you are going to counceling I can not do that. I am the type of person that I do not want to bother anybody and can not talk around people and now more than ever I am not to the point that I can't even talk about my MOM yet I freeze up. I am not crying as much right now I am not sure if it because I am numb or what? I am not into reading either so I am limited to my choices on getting help but I also know that is my fault and not anybody else. Reality is hitting home on how to do alot with my feelings over my MOM. I hear and see other people loosing someone even if I do not no them I hurt for them now, to where before I lost my MOM I would just be like oh how sad and go on but not know I take a minute and wish them all the comfort I can. Thanks Haley

Onemoretime My name is Haley and I also and going through the same thing my Boyfriend of a years lost his Dad 3 weeks ago and I also am trying to be there for him and his Mom but it is hard I also call to make sure that they are ok I mainly just leave a message and say something to the effect of I am worried and want them to call just so I no that they are ok this weekend was hard cause they got into a major fight and now they shut the world out I love them both and I am worried about them alot and all I can do is let them come to me and that is really hard. I can only tell you the same advice that I tell my self and that is jsut hang in there and let them no that you will be there for them in any way they need you. I hate this also it is so hard because you also are going through the pain and need to make sure that you take care of your self Thanks Haley

To All: Its me Haley and I also am in the same boat as you all are and it does hurt like crazy. I would be so much happier if I did not have to celebrate holidays either anymore. See in my matter is like this. My MOM left me April 9th and her birthday is April 11th and than Easter was the April 16th my Grandmother moved 2 weeks later and than Mothers day and than my Sister moved away and than now it was my kids birthdays June, July August and mine was August 16th and Billy's (the guy I am seeing) dad passed away August 10th and had the funeral August 15th. Now please tell me somebody when does the pain stop when is it time to smile again How do you go on and a shoulder to cry on I think everyday on what I use to do my MOM for my birthday would call up the radio station and wish me a happy birthday and than call me up and sing happy birthday to me in her crazy voice and the smile would slide across my face and now nothing really nothing my sisters called but I am still waiting on my MOM. Once again it goes back to WHY. I hope we all can get through this time and trials together and give that shoulder to lean on and have each other. My heart goes out to all of us I am willing to help any of us that need it we all need to keep our heads held high and keep going forward. Thanks Haley

Melissa I am truely sorry to hear about your grandparents. We are all here for you keep your head jeld as high as you can and make them proud of you they may be the glue for the familys out there but we can keep it going. Songbird I again am sorry to hear about your grandmother. We are all here together to lean on good luck and stay strong. Thanks Haley

LoriW I can kinda go by what you are saying but instead of it being with my MOM or dad it is with my Grandparents. My grandfather who lives in New York had a wife and she passed away due to cancer and right after she was gone not even a few months he had another lady living with him and when asked why he said it because he has a hard time living alone and feeling empty and not needed or wanted. So maybe your DAD just need that little extra boost to help him and probly has asked your MOM a few times if it was ok to do so. My grandfater would tell us that his wife said that she wanted him with someone so he would be taken care of and be easier on him. This lady is not ever going to replace your MOM not to you or to your dad but just help ina way I no that sounds funny but think some men have to have some one taking care of them and making them feel important nothing personal to you its just that you are your own person and you have a life to live and your dad sees that and probaly does not want to bother you either. I think you should have a heart to heart talk with yur dad and explain to him that you are having these feelings. I am sure he will tell you something close to what I wrote. Good Luck let us know how it goes. Thanks Haley

That is the same thing I was saying on a different topic maybe one day but thank God I have this site to talk to you guys on THANKS EVERYBODY

Lorikelly, My prayers are with you and your family. If I was you I would totally not even think about your mother-inlaw at this time, she is not worth you getting upset over you have enough on your plate and she is selfish. I also agree with everybody here about only 5 weeks you have every right to be crying. I still am and so is everybody else jsut maybe bnot all at the same time hand in there and lean on your husband ( your Best Friend) he sounds like a great guy and for him to be sticking up for you to his mother WOW you to have it going on in life of being together. I also had the problem at the work place and I had a person tell me that that was life and they were gone so move on and I will tell you this I barely talk to that person except about work. inconsiderate and selfish and a very cold heart I would go to say not even cold pure stone is more like it. I feel for you but we all must keep our heads high to survive. Sounds like you have a great man beside you so lean as hard as you need to and we are all here for you to lean this way also. Thanks Haley

I guess we all should just stop right now for a few minutes and just think about life and how our loved ones would feel and what they would be saying to us right now. ( hey wait they are saying to us) on the way we are behaving. Lets all ask our selves would we be doing this stuff like drinking and smoking and being crazy NO!!!!!! What would we be doing if they were still here with us? Not what we are doing now to hurt our bodys. I know we are all hurting but puting more pain in to our bodies is not the way to go. We need to all grow up and smell the roses about life at least we are breathing, and not suffering like they or some of them were (my MOM) I believe thast there is other ways to destress I don't have the answers but I am searching anybody have some answers please feel free to share with us. I have tried eating and sleeping and working out in the gym I am also at a lost and I am turning to the bad stuff also like drinking almost everyday I am trying to stop cold turkey and that is a struggle daily. I try to think if MOM would like and approve what I am doing right and I can tell you all right now we are all not doing the right thing if we are having to second guess our selves. Please forgive me for coming out and saying what I feel but hey maybe it will get us all thinking in the right way. I am willing to take the advice or straight up talk from any body that will talk and listen. You know what seems like an ideal thing is that all of us who talk all the time or just everybody and anybody going through what we are all going through and get together like a reunion type thing just so that we alkl can talk in person and get to see how we all are doing. I also think that it would or could even help us all in some way. Just a suggestion or if this already happens let me know. Thanks Haley

Paul You are so right "Only GOD know's when it is our time to go I was told by my brother-inlaw who is a ordained Pastor that we all have a purpose here on earth and when we have succeeded in it it will be than that it is our time to go home" Well I am a firm believer in that I do not have guilt at all with the way MOM had her life and all of us should take a second look at that. I also think that the person has a right to pass where they want to and the ones who it just happens to well once again it is there choice in life to be doing the things that they wanted to be doing. Now wait don't take that the wrong way please I know that peolpe 80% of the time do not no that they are going to pass but they are doing what they want to and with who they want to be doing it with and GOD sees that it is there time and place. Weird I know maybe I did not say it the right way and just maybe somebody out there can sum it up in the right direction for me. Sorry if this offened anybody not my intentions Thanks Haley

Shell You deserve the award for "Helping so many people and alway being there for us know matter what" I have turned to you a few times and talked to you its great. You are a great person!! Maybe your mom is just trying to protect you so that when her time comes she thinks that you won't be hurt like she was I know that it sounds weird but maybe that is her way of thinking that if she puts a wall up your heart will somehow turn to stone. WE ALL KNOW IT WONT but to your mom maybe that is her way of thinking. Maybe you could turn to her for advice and than have her take her own advice on your fathers passing. Thanks Haley

Derek I also have picked up a few bad habbits like drinking alot I hardly ever drank before it was once in a blue moon like a few on the weekends and I could leave it if I wanted to but now I at times need it my body has swelled up alot like almost 10 pounds because of that and on top I have turned to food I hate eating but now I just eat all the time so there it adds on also. I hate drinking and eating but I can not stop I have to calm my nervous some how any suggestions I am listening. To think that it does not even make the pain go away either it just hides it or pushes it to the side for the moment and is there when we stop doing what we are doing as for smioking maybe just the thought of doing something to keep busy is the reason but why not try to stick candy in your mouth or a straw or something. I know take my same advice but once again it is easier said than done its been 2 days for me with NO drinking I am trying but there is times it gets the best of me Thanks Haley

To All: My brother-inlaw and Brother said to me a few nights after my MOM left me that she was up in heaven just having a blast and running and jumping and doing all that she could not do here on earth, after she got sick and the last few weeks, kinda makes sence but I want my MOM here with me not up there having fun but that is not fair to her and I can not be selfish in that part well I should say I am trying not to be. Along with her eating and drinking and all that she could not do here with me. They told me that me going on with my life is something that MOM would want me to do and not to cry just to be happy that she is not hurting or suffering any more. MOM is not but I am I know that is the least of it all cause the last thing family wants for anybody is to see them hurt. I am still learning all this also. What I am trying to say is that our loved ones are up above having the time of there lives that they lost here with us but still in some way taking care of us, I have not had the chance to learn on my own with my MOM but I have seen it with other people and talked to some wise people, and trying in my mind to give the laughter a chance again but we all will have our days, weeks, hours and even minutes to be sad and think and all that do to grief to try to go forward. I would like to not feel guilty about going a few hours with out bursting into tears and get my mind straight but I feel as if I am not suppose to yet and the time is to important to stop thinking about my MOM. Life is so weird I feel as if it is a test to see how stronge we are and how much we have to make our lives strive on and on I also feel at times like giving up but I was once again was told that the more wegive up the harder life will seem to get we all need to strive forward I know it is easier said than done because I am still struggling with it my self. GOOD LUCK to us all Thanks Haley

Paul S Yea I see that we can not and do not want to prepare for this but to be new to the whole thing and trying to stop the pain for other people and they are great people I Love them all so much and I am crushed to see them hurt like this. I guess it goes back to Why the good people first or the ones who don't hurt anybody. I am lost at this really I am I am numb all over again it may be from being scared. Thanks Haley

To All Its Haley again and I need help with a major problem I am having here it goes. I am seeing a guy (Billy) and I care about his family a great deal they are great people really nice and caring and would help anybody that had or has respect, and they have helpped me when my MOM left me and held my hand the whole way and still talk to me about it. My problem is that Billy's dad (step) was put in the hospital on Monday the 31st of July and on Saturday the 5th of August the doctor called and told Billy and his MOM and me that he only has about 3 weeks left and that they should call family members and make the final arrangements and Hospice was called. We went to the hospital Saturday night after the call from the doctor and say that they stopped the IV and he just is giving up. One of my questions is what do I do??? How do I handle this??? Where is my spot to be?? What do I say??? I just lost my MOM almost 4 months ago and I am still very numb and confused over my MOM but I went to and will be there for them but HOW?? WHEN??? WHERE???? and all. I could not go to the hospital today for the meeting with hospice cause I had a bad taste with hospice in my MOMs care and did not want to ruin it for them but I feel so bad and like I am a failure now that I did not go I need your help I have only lost my MOM and I also lost my neice and grandfather but with those 2 I was so young but with my MOM I am out of my mind it just happened and now Billy's dad oh gosh everybody I am so scared I will mess up with how I act and what I say and all what do I do and how can I be there for them and all I need help please. Thanks Haley I will be there but I am just scared I will do what ever they need I no that but how do you prepare this I mean 3 weeks gee.

The lack of sleep that I have is because I am on the go from the time my eyes open until the time that I finally get to TRY to go to sleep, that is when my mind really starts for the day. Sounds off the wall, but if you really think about it,it is true. (with me anyway) I feel as if I have a program in my mind during the day I get up the same time and do the same routine during the day and even when Iget home like work, and cook, clean you get the point and than finally when I lay down in bed my program is done but my mind starts. I can sit and try to tell youhow but I am sure that we all know. I wish I new how to get my mind to stop for a while to rest and relax and get caught up. I can not pin point what I think about its just everything. I dofeel it is stress but not aniexty, we all have stress its just how we handle it and at times it is easier to face it head on and deal withit right then and there, and other times it is easier to push it to the side and figure it out later. Thanks Haley

Donald Hey you are not alone I lost my mom a few months ago and I am still numb but some great advice from a few people here told me NOT to fight the emotions just to let them come to me and this past week I am trying it and it is helping know I am not 100% better but I can at least blink my eyes and releize that I just blinked. See I too am so numb that it is to the point that I at times don't think about where or what I am doing and have shut my life off. I to feared loosing control of my life but I have had to function day to day and I too tried to force my self to be strong and move on but you can not you have to deal with the pain even if it means talking and/or crying walking/running how ever you need to deal with stress. I am one to talk but it is easier said than done. You have found the strenght to come to this site and ask for advice and thats a start and even if it is the tiniest steps it helps. Hang in there and visit the site when needed to takl or vent it helps us all. You are not alone. Thanks Haley

MASK MANNER & WALL I have all I put on the mask so nobody could see me cry or frown and I manner my conversations and the wall is a mile thick. I agree that there is certain people that you can talk to but others just using manners to me. I have come across some people that have said that it is life to pass away and not think about how rude that sounds to some maily me cause I just lost my MOM. I hate even talking about death let alone now I am having to deal with it. Like for instance my boss is a great guy but he just deals with death like it was ok. I wonder if it would even affect him?? I have also met a guy who has a great heart when it comes to people that he loved and lost and get teary eyed evertime they are brought up in conversation. Me I just don't talk I only talk to you guy really I have claimed up totally and shut that part of my life out. My heart aches for everybody who hurts when they lose someone they loved and cared about but when it comes to me I seal shut its new to me I don't want to bother anybody. Thanks Haley

I have to agree wit Maylissa with not needing a drug to cope with our sadness and hurt, and pain, but to deal with it in our self with a little help or a lot from our family (if any) and friends. I don't think that just cause someone is hurting (man am I hurting I am so numb) that the answer is medicine. Yes they have to make a living but we have a life to lead and naturally would be nice. I am not against medicine in anyway but, if only that is the last resort than so be it but not right off the bat. Maybe just having an ear that can listen a shoulder to lean on and a huge hug would help just as much and if not better. I have to say that me coming to this site has helpped me so much I get to vent and cry and lean on you all and that helps I wish I had someone close to me that I could trust and beable to be face to face but you guys are great and I look forward to coming here everyday as much as possible its like we all connect in a family like way to help each other out. I know that it is not the only answer but like I have learned from everybody here it helps alot. I also know that some of us does need that extra boost that medicine give you but try to make that your last resort. Thanks Haley

Star I also lost my MOM 4/9/06 and it is the worst I have lost my self in the mean time I use to laugh and have a great time now its just a frown on my face. I can not come to terms that she is gone. I have also never lost anybody to me my grandfather died when I was little and not really understood death I am 31 years old and man I feel like I have either gotten so old I can not function or so young I have to start all over but how do you get this started. My sisters and brother and my self had agreed that we would have MOM cremated and that I would have her with me I was the closest (not that she did not love us all) but they all new that I was the closest and I was there from the time we got the call of her being in the hospital to now and Ican not go on I have not figured it out I have turned todrinking and food for my savior yuck ( no more drinking for me and diet here I come) L:ife is so hard I just want to also hide in bed all day and not have to deal with life right now man I wish I could just hang in there with the rest of us it helps to come and talk andvent about anything just ask paul, derek and mainly Shell I vent about everything and they listen "Thanks guys". I am so numb. My MOM passed 4/9/06 4/11/06 was her birthday and than there was easter and 2.5 weeks later my grandmother moved away 2.5 weeks later it was mothers day and than my sister moved away and than my other sister came tome and said that she was leaving and its been one thing after another that my body has shut down. i actually have turned to food and drinking alot more to stay within my mnid it is killing me and to feel so alone thats hard also. Sorry to mummble on but Thanks for listening We all just need to hang in there and help in any way we can I am here for who ever needs me Thanks Haley

Hey Everybody Life with family is so funny at times more so than none I also lost my MOM 4/9/06 and it hurts more than anything I am on the verge of going nuts and feel that my family would be there for each other and nothing nothing at all not even I miss MOM NOTHING.. How can they be like that why are they like that what about blood is thicker than water???? I have not spoke to my father in years and him and my MOM got divorced and it was bad and my MOM lost everything but she is such a strong woman. I even have an older sister who stole from my MOM even though she new my MOM had a hard life and was living pay check to pay check and not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of and it never stopped my sister I helpped out as much as I could and my Grandmother was a god sent to my MOM. My youngest sister was always to busy (not really) and my sister one year older did not like the fact that my mom smoked cigarettes and did not hardly ever go over and my brother lived in New York. Me I would have my MOM over almost everyday (except the last couple of months and my boys and I would walk over to her house and go get icde cream for us all and just sit outside and talk and talk and have a good time yes MOM's house did smell like smoke but that was her house and thats that but it should not stop anybody from spending time we would talk at least once everyother day and I would call just to hear her voice if I was to busy being a single mom of 3 boys and sports and work butI was always there for her and I hate hte fact thatI can not still talk to her. I have caught my self going to pick up the phone to call her buti can not now that hurts and than whenI see that people are rude to there parents its hard for me to not say something. I guess that we are all in the same boat and it helps sort to speak cause we all can understand each other and give the advice that we all try I like you have pretty much given up on family members when it comes to help emotional I still talk to them but just more or less like friends. I feel as if I am an orphan and that hurts cause I don't like to feel as if I am not wanted or needed. I have always been that if you need me I am there no matter what, but when I have needed them they are gone really to busy nowhere to be found. I wonder everyday if they ever think of MOM and what about? They don't talk about her in anyway. I really don't talk about her to people I see everyday I feel as if they will think I am a cry baby butI talk about her everday with you guys and my self. I would really like to get to the point of thinking of the great times together. My sisters say that they can not think of too many things that was fun or nice but I will tell you what my MOM always made sure there was food on the table and drinks and what we needed maybe not what we wanted but what we needed. She fought for us. We all will hang in there and have formed our own family that we all can count on no matter what. Thanks Haley