Kacy

Thank you, Kay. I already feel in my heart that more could have been done, but there is nothing I can do about it now. I'm going to have to learn to accept that. Mary

I don't know why, but yesterday was just a bad day for me. I feel like I'm still trying to avoid facing the fact that Allie is gone. When I do think about her and how much I miss her, I really have to force myself to even do the day to day things around here. I know this is all probably normal, but it sure does not seem to be getting any easier. Then last night, I got an email from someone on one of my Yahoo lists for people with dogs who have congestive heart failure. She had lost her Cavalier yesterday morning. I feel so badly for her. She had emailed me a lot when my other Cavalier, Molly, had been so sick last summer and just was so encouraging. Then, when we lost Allie, she would always write to say she was praying for all of us and to check on us. She seems to have a very strong faith in God and says how grateful she is to have had her Cavalier for so many years. I have to admit that I have a tough time being grateful. I did get an email from the veterinary pathologist I had contacted about Allie's autopsy report. I had sent him a copy of the xray that he requested several weeks ago and had only heard back that he received it. I was kind of surprised to hear from him. He is not able to open the xray because he doesn't have the right software, but said he thinks the radiologist there would be able to do that. He was checking to see if I still had any unresolved questions because when I contacted him, I still had not gone over it with my regular vet. So, I emailed him back that I do still have questions and asked about him fees to review the report and xray. I'm not sure anyone will ever be able to tell me if Allie should have been treated more aggressively for the congestive heart failure or not, but I'm going to probably ask anyway. One holistic vet I spoke with said she always treats more aggressively with the diuretics when there is any doubt about its effect and deals with the possible kidney issue later. Hopefully, I will hear back from him next week. Mary

Mary, Glad that Bentley likes his new diet. I think most dogs prefer a homemade diet over dry or even canned. Cats are another story sometimes. Some actually seem to prefer dry. I was curious as to what the new supplement is that your holistic vet wants to try. I've used Standard Process products and I know there is one for the immune system and wondered if that was the supplement, although there are so many available now. I have not used any of their products to treat cancer, but am using them for heart disease in one of my dogs and also to protect her kidneys due to the medication she is on. Mary

Marj, The memorial to Gb is so beautiful! I love the pictures of him and the angels. He was so lucky to be so loved, and you were lucky to have him be a part of your life for so long. I know you miss him. Sometimes I wish we didn't care about them so much. Would make it easier, wouldn't it? Mary

Thank you, Kay. I think it's going to be a work in progress. I also have wind chimes hanging in the tree there. For some reason, after Lucy died they just seemed to remind me of her. Miss them so much. Mary

You're welcome. I had found other stepping stones with the same saying, but I thought this one was the nicest. Not cheap with the shipping, but I am happy with it.

Thank you Marty and Marj. Marj, here is the link for the stepping stone: https://withsympathygifts.com/mystore/those-we-have-held-in-our-arms-stepping-stone.html Kay, I agree. It's because we loved them so much that the pain is so overwhelming. Some days it's just so hard to deal with though. Mary

A few more.

I wanted to post a few pictures of the small memorial area I planted for Allie and Lucy. Here are the stones. Hope you can read them. Mary

Kay, I think we were posting at the same time. Yes, thankfully this guy and his wife are both computer experts because I wouldn't have any idea how to even begin. Mary

Yesterday was kind of a rough day. Seems like we've had a lot of them lately - either due to it being an anniversary date relating to Allie or just the fact that I miss her terribly and my home is not the same without her. She was the one who made us laugh. There was a pet expo yesterday where one of our holistic vets was speaking, so we decided to go. It was small, but fairly nice. Various booths set up with local vets and vendors selling pet items. Two of the booths were local pet cemeteries, so I tried not to spend much time there. A lot of people brought their dogs with them - thankfully no Cavaliers. We spoke with the holistic vet before she gave her presentation and told her about Allie. We hadn't been to see her since Lucy died, so she wasn't aware that we lost Allie. It was hard even talking about it, so I quickly changed the subject after a few minutes. On the way home, I spotted a young guy walking his Cavalier not too far from our house. I was so surprised because you don't really see many of them around. Later in the evening, I think everything just got to me. I really miss Allie and find that even the day to day things just aren't the same anymore. She and I were so close, and now everything is different - and I don't like the "new" different. No matter what was going on in life, I always knew Allie was there and now she's not. I know at some point the "new" different will become less "new". Mary

The old computer had a virus so that is the problem. We're just going to have it fixed anyway so that we will have an extra computer that my husband can use. He has a friend that can fix it reasonably. Mary

Marj, I found it at a little shop in Amish Country. If you have any gift shops nearby or maybe even Target or Kohls, they would probably have them. You can set it to either turn off and on manually or set it to come on and then go off 4-6 hrs later (can't remember how long ours stays lit). I later found the candle holder with glass covering for it at the same store. I have a few that take small batteries but they don't last very long. This candle is probably 6-8" high and takes either C or D batteries so you don't have to change them very often. Mary

Thank you. I found it on Etsy, and as soon as I saw it, I had to have it for Allie. I had one made with another saying on it for Lucy. I had them add some violets on the stone to remind me of the one little violet I found on Mother's Day, a few months after Lucy died, and then the ones I found scattered across the yard after Allie died. Mary

Thanks for posting, Marty. Having a really bad day today. It was 5 years ago today that we drove to meet Allie's foster mom to make her a part of our lives. Didn't realize on that day what a big part she would become. She just walked right in and made herself at home. Have been working on a small area in the yard as a memorial to Allie and Lucy, our other Cavalier that we lost last year. I will take some pictures when it's done. I had a little stone made with the saying "Every once in a while, a dog enters your life and changes everything. Allie". That she did. Mary

Marj, Thank you for your kind words. I know we have to learn to get thru these days, but it sure is hard. Hard to not go back over the day in your mind and wonder what you could have done differently, knowing that it doesn't matter now. Glad that you found the forum. Hope that Hamish is bringing comfort to you today. Mary

Sorry, I was wrong. They aren't on the flash drive. I think we're going to have someone fix our old computer and then it will be much easier to transfer. As you can tell, I'm not the one who handles this here as I have no clue. Mary

Yes, I did get a new computer when the old one crashed on us. So, the only way to get the pictures was to put them on a flash drive. The problem my husband is having is that he can't seem to be able to transfer them all at once to the new computer. We need to go take the classes at Apple or at least find out how to transfer them over. Mary

Marj - yes, definitely a rough path. I always knew that losing Allie would be very, very difficult. Thought I would someday have to make "the" decision and couldn't ever imagine having to do that. But never expected to lose her the way we did or when we did. I'm sure you probably feel the same way about Gb. Kay, what a good idea about the newspapers for Skye. He must have been pretty smart to be able to figure out which newspapers belonged to him. So many people would have given him up rather then try to deal with it. I guess that's why there are so many dogs in shelters. It is hard to accept changes in our lives - especially when it involves someone we love. Hard to think that this is the way it's going to be now. Mary

Yes, some do not enter our lives and homes as easily as others. My one English Setter, Cody, was my other "love at first sight" dog. He was not a big chewer, but two of the things he managed to chew were the kitchen floor (just a small hole, but of course in a very noticeable spot) and the oak spindles on the staircase. Also, I looked outside one day and saw him throwing what I thought was a little stick up in the air and catching it and then throwing it again. I thought how cute he looked, until I realized the stick was actually what was left of an azalea bush that I had just planted a few days prior. Can be challenging, at times, bringing a new dog into the home, but like you said, it is worth it in the end. Allie pretty much just walked into our home and hearts and fit in right away. At the time, we had another Cavalier, Logan, and our setter, Cody. She basically walked in, found a spot on the couch and that was it. She didn't really chew much, of course she was a bit older, but loved to chew napkins and kleenex when she could get a hold of them. Also, she loved to shred things, so if somehow Molly's (Cavalier) diaper would fall off while we were gone, you could count on Allie to shred it all over the family room. Having a hard time today, thinking about Allie. Maybe it's the depressing weather we are having. I keep thinking of where she would be in the room if she was here - right now, laying at my feet while I'm on the computer. Or, if I was in the kitchen, she would be laying by the cabinets watching me - the dining room, she would be laying against the wall while we ate dinner. So hard to think that this is the way it's going to be from now on - no Allie. Mary

Arlie sounds like one of those dogs that just picks things up easily. My one English Setter is that way - probably the smartest dog I have ever had. She is more into squirrels and birds than people though, but she is a sweet dog. Kind of odd that Arlie knew how to shake but didn't know anything else. You always wonder what their life was like before you met them. Arlie seems as though he just fit right into your life, so it was definitely meant to be. Mary

Marj, It's so hard not to relive those last couple of days. I have the same problem. I try to remind myself that Allie is at peace now - she is not going thru that now. Then, I try to think of the good memories. Unfortunately, that sometimes makes me miss her even more. I wish I had some wise words - can only say that I truly understand. I think you're doing all the right things. Sometimes it's a real push to do anything, so I give you credit for that. I'm glad that Hamish made you laugh. They are all special in their own ways - sometimes we just have to look a little harder. Mary

Kay, Isn't that funny how that happens? You just know somehow. Many years ago, when I saw my English Setter sitting in a cage in a pet store, I knew I had to have him (didn't know at the time that the dogs in pet stores come from puppy mills or backyard breeders). We had an older dog at the time and my husband didn't want to get another dog until after Sam was gone, but I managed to talk him into it. It took about 2 weeks, and I was worried sick that someone else would come along and adopt Cody. He turned out to be a wonderful dog, but he was also a hunting dog so wanted to be outside in the backyard a lot. He also was just as attached to my son as he was me. Allie was different. She was definitely my dog. Was Arlie a puppy when you adopted him? So glad that fate brought him into your life. Mary

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like Chester was one of those dogs that only comes along once in a lifetime. He was darling! Try not to blame yourself. You did try to find treatment for him and relied on what you were told from the vet. It's so hard not to second guess everything we did or didn't do. Have you talked to the vet about what she thinks caused his death? Maybe it was something that could not have been treated. It's hard though when the death is sudden. Post here when you need to, as all of us understand. Mary

Thanks, Marj. She was beautiful - inside and out. In a few days (June 27), it would have been 5 years that I adopted Allie from the rescue group. I remember seeing her picture on their website early one morning and applied for her before even talking to my husband about it. He was still sleeping, but I knew he would say yes and he did. A few days later, they quit taking applications because they had so many. I figured we would never get her, but a week or so later I got a phone call from her foster mom. I think they had pretty much decided to give Allie to us because we had adopted another Cavalier a few months prior, and they had already checked out our references and done our home visit (it is almost like adopting a child. Everything is checked out.). We met Allie's foster mom 1/2 way, but we got lost right before finding the meeting place. When we got there, the foster mom was sitting in the back of her SUV holding Allie, and Allie was just snuggled up on her shoulder. I just started to cry even before I got out of the car. I knew she was going to be special to me, and she certainly was. Allie came from an Amish "farm" (in most cases, another name for puppy mill). She was very timid. I don't think she had been mistreated, as many are, but just not lovingly cared for. It really was love at first site for me with Allie. Only felt that way with one other dog of mine. She just brought so much joy to my life - every single day. You realize it when it's happening, but even more so when it's gone. It does feel like the joy is gone. Thank you again for the kind words about Allie. If we ever get our pictures put on this new computer, I will post a few more. Mary