R.Everit55

Karen, I am so sorry for all you're going through. If your grandson has or is talking suicide you can call 911 or take him to the ER. They will evaluate him and may keep him in the psych unit for safety and med adjustments. OUR son who is now an adult, went thru that and was talking suicide when he was about 16 and we did call 911 and they took him in and kept him for 10 days and got him therapy, proper meds, and he has been good since. He still suffers depression but he has his two little boys now to live for. My Mary passed a month ago and he is so amazingly strong. For myself and his boys. I will pray for your dear grandson. And you. Butch.

I was resting in bed. When my two amazing grandsons walked in to show me what they wrote on their iPad. In a drawing app. I read it and my heart melted completely. How could it not... These boys... OUR boys are amazing. They were so HAPPY. I told them how much their Grammy loved and will always love them... Just from Heaven above. Noah did the writing and Caleb did the letters he could do best. And they both signed it themselves. So simple. So heart melting. THIS is what life is all about. ❤️ Butch

Harry, I feel you on all this snow over here... Though I've not moved any since the beginning a couple weeks ago since I fell and got this concussion. Rest that achy body my friend. 50 months. Well, I just can't see that ever yet... Last night was one month. But as I read here past and present posts... I see how 50 months or 1 month just really has little difference in grief because nothing will ever be the same as hard as we try to keep it all the same... It's forever changed. Our hearts are forever changed painfully so. Yet somehow we continue breathing and going on. Peace to your heart. Stay warm. After Thursday's snow the highs will be single digits and the lows will be way below 0. Butch

Happy Birthday Marty.

Thank you Shalady. Thank you Kay. Speechless. Once again... One month ago tonight I was spending my last hour with my princess. I was saying it was okay to go. I was saying goodbye. In my own way. I was holding her with my head against hers, my hand in hers, my other hand on her heart... Peaceful and gentle and quiet. Letting her go be free and in peace without letting her go from my touch and my arms. Nor my heart. It seems an eternity ago, and just last night... Yet it was one month ago. Our son is so resilient. He misses his Mother. The boys miss their Grammy. But everyone seems so resilient. But not I. Even Little Man has adjusted so well. God bless you all here on this same journey wherever you are. I'm going to cuddle Mary's pup... My now, constant little companion. He still sleeps on her pillow. I miss her so. I want to go back a month and tell her more how much I love her and that she'll always be my princess. And hold on a little tighter. I hope she knew. I hope she felt. I think she did... Butch

Dear Mary, I did not get a big chance to get to know you. However, I do know that you were there for my Mary when we lost her brother and our SIL. Shannon and my Mary spoke highly of you. So I thank you on their behalf for being a kind soul to them who are now in Heaven. My Mary one month ago later today. I wish you peace on your continued journey. I pray for your very special companion, Bentley. That he remains by your side as long as possible. God bless. Butch

Thank you all from my whole heart. Today... Later tonight is one month since my sweet princess gained her Angel wings. While I know she is free from all pain, grief, and burdens... My heart simply cannot take this. I never imagined while spending my last hours, minutes with her... Knowing she was going... That this grief could ever hurt so deeply. And there is simply no consolation right now. Short of all of your words which I keep reading and trying to let my heart comprehend. Seeing a day in front of me is seemingly impossible. I actually thank God that I did fall and have this concussion because right now I cannot work and I simply can't imagine being able to in this grief. It's like this grief is just settling in more and more. Like where have I been for the last month... Why did it not settle in already and sink in. I don't want to sound sexest in any way, but I'm a man. I should be stronger than this. I totally feel like I'm letting my Angel down, and our boy and grandsons.

Thank you doesn't cover it...

As I told Kay and Anne, I'm not doing well. The weather and cold is insane. The effects from this concussion are still bad, and Dr said will be lasting unfortunately. More painful, is my heart and soul. I cannot express my heart anymore. Only that I feel more lonely than I would wish on anybody. Sad doesn't say it. There isn't a word I can find to express this. It's been 4 weeks. Monday will be one month. I keep asking why? Why?! I beg God to bring me to my love because it's only she that I want need to survive this. I know that won't happen. But my place is with her. Forgive me for not coming here or supporting. I am just trying to hold my head above water and keep my feet on the floor. It will get better I am told. When..... When.... Butch

It's now been three weeks and 45 mins since my Mary passed. I'm laying here stuck in bed with a concussion. My thoughts are so foggy. My head hurts. I'm still vomiting wheni get up. My son and DIL are bringing me meds fluids and checking on me to make sure I'm not worse. But I miss my wife. Three weeks? Why is all so foggy. It feels so surreal again. But maybe it's the concussion. My son keeps telling me I keep asking the same things repeatedly. So I have some memory and confusion. Dr at ER said that will be Normal for a while. My wife would take. Are if my stubborn butt. I can't believe she's gone never will be in our bed or house again. I'm so scattered. Sleepiness is hitting me again. This stupid concussion is horrid. Butch

Thank you. It's 5am. The sobs continue. I don't know if this is normal. 24 hrs of sobs. Deep down crying. But normal doesn't exist anymore.

Im sorry for your losses. My wife died Jan 9th this year. 18 days ago. She was 50. My life, heart, entire world. I'm pretty lost. But you have my thoughts prayers and sympathies. Butch.

P.S... Please forgive me for being unable to reply to each reply to me personally. I have read each of them. I without a doubt take every word to heart. God bless each of you. ❤️

Dear Fae, I am sorry I didn't realize it was your birthday yesterday. Happy Belated Birthday to you. You truly are a dear heart. Butch.

Thank you all so very much. Today has been the toughest day since Mary passed almost 18dys ago. I honestly don't know why or what triggered it. I'm still in tears... With a whole lot of sobbing. Never have I cried like this in my adult life. I wonder even if this will let up. Words are so hard right now. I have a house full of Our son, DIL, two grandsons, and her precious furbaby. All who loved her the most. I shouldn't be this way. Only I am. I try to eat. I cannot. I try to interact with Noah and Caleb. I cannot. THAT utterly breaks my heart that I cannot be strong for them. I tried resting alone only to cry so hard I can't breathe. I've taken my anxiety and depression meds. I've prayed. Absolutely nothing will stop these tears and sobs today. This is so foreign to me. The unbearable heartache. The sobs. And the fear that this isn't letting up tonight. I suppose things are really beginning to sink in and become real and less sureal. Maybe. I don't know. It's hard for me to ask for prayers for myself. However, I come to you, even knowing the heartache you are in... To pray a little harder for me tonight. This can't last forever right? It seems it is today and tonight. I am going to attempt to lay down with Little Man and perhaps eventually these sobs will wipe me out enough to sleep. Blessings to this wonderful circle of soldiers in grief ❤️

I wouldn't trade a decade, a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, a minute, or a second of the last 34 years since I laid my eyes on my princess for anything. Everything happened in time for a reason even though none of us here know the reasons things happened in our lives... Yes it all brought us to today, this moment... As painful as it is... Our love and lives were just that... Ours and our spouses... Love never dies. In these 17 1/2 days, I have never been this emotionally distraught to sobbing. And when I say 17 days or type it... It honestly feels so surreal and like a lifetime and forever ago. But 17 days is not long. Yet it feels like a lifetime and yesterday all at once. I literally am staying in our bed right now because I cannot face anyone. Not sobbing like this. When all I want is one more day, hour, minute... I'm very sorry I'm so distraught here. Thank you for reading and responding. Something I can't really do at the moment. This 30plus inches of snow is not what I needed right now. My son is slowly chipping away at it. Luckily it's light fluffy stuff. And he shoveled a path for Little Man to go out and do his business. I put his coat on and he runs out and runs right back in within two minutes after doing what he needs to do.

Again I typed out an entire long piece and it disappeared. I forgot to type it first elsewhere and copy/paste it here. I can't type it again. I just am having a very bad day so far. I'm sobbing. I miss my amazing beautiful wife. 17 1/2 days and I'm sobbing. It breaks my heart moreso when my grandsons ask me if I'm sad because Grammy is in Heaven. I have few words for them. I'm angry. At ALS for stealing so much while she was alive and for stealing her from me and our family. I just have no words to express this horrible heartache. I just miss her beyond words. I heard this song this morning. Garth Brooks was one of her favorite country artists. How apropos that this particular song came on. I just miss my sweet sweet princess. All I have are sobs. Butch

Seriously, this blizzard is ridiculous! We have well over two feet in southern CT. And we have another 12+ hours to go. It's really bad out there now. Boots are useless. My feet are frozen. We are not getting out anytime soon. And it's just a total whiteout. The winds are insane. Harry, I know you are dealing with this. Please be safe and stay in if you can. Anyone dealing with this beast of a storm, be safe. I just really didn't need this storm stress 17 1/2 days after my love's death. My heart hurts so badly today. The positive thing, though exhausting, is my son and grandsons are here. And the boys are glued to Grampy's side as always. I live and breathe for these boys. Butch This pic I attached... The trees are literally right in front of me yet you can barely see them it's so horrible out there.

Harry, So apparently you are somewhere near me. We are in for three feet of snow as well. But the blizzard part hasn't really begun yet. Just a few inches now. Tonight and tomorrow will be horrible. Stay safe and warm. Butch

Oh my goodness! It's a madhouse here. My son, DIL, and two grandsons are here. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Going to get 30 inches of the white stuff dumped on us. We have a fire going. They boys are excited school is canceled. For numerous days. They are bouncing off the walls. I think someone put some bouncy syrup on their morning pancakes. Yes, I made them their fave... Grampy's blueberry banana pancakes. These two boys are a bundle of energy. I sent them outside to play. I had myself, Little Man, and both boys sleeping on our bed last night all night. I miss my wife so much. But I am sure is smiling above watching the chaos in this house. ❤️ I hope anyone who lives here in New England in the path of this blizzard stays warm. It's going to be really awful in south east CT where I am.

Hi everyone. I still want to tell you some about t my beloveds memorial yet I am in this weird cold state of shock, numb, and excruciating pain all balled up in one which leaves me pretty speechless and just wanting to pretend none of this has happened. Our boy is over with his wife and our two grandsons. It's a slumber party.... Blizzard style. Snow beginning here in southeast CT later today tnrough Wednesday. With up to 30 inches of snow. Yes I said 30 inches. A true blizzard. Luckily we've got a lovely fireplace. Lityle Man hasn't left my side and in the two pics I will share, you can see he was pretty appreciative of the fire warmth. Kay asked me in email (forgive me hun for not getting back to you yet) if we have a log home. No we don't. It's just a vinyl sided home with ceilings that are taller in the middle and slant downwards. Contemporary style mostly. With two skylights in the living room. I miss my love. She made our house a home. Yet I'm so numb and in shock it's making me feel insane... Absolutely insane. Not really sure how we will deal with 30 inches of snow and blizzard conditions and huge drifts. The snow blower broke at my son's. So I guess it's me, Allen, and the boys shoveling. Though I still am sick... Not nearly as bad. Going to snuggle with Little man in bed. My little buddies are getting so big but still small enough to snuggle up on Grammys side of the bed. Bittersweet. ❤️

I literally slept 12 hrs. It's 1:30 am. I just woke reaching my arm over to my love's side of the bed. And she isn't there. I got up feeling like someone hit me over the head and I am confused. My wife isn't here. This is reality. The last 15 days haven't been a nightmare. The months prior weren't a nightmare. I only want to lay down again next to my precious and talk to her, hold her hand and tell her how sorry I am that this angry evil disease got her and took her. I now cannot go into our room right now. I can't rest on our bed. Not feeling like this. We got snow and we got ice then more snow on top of it here in southern CT. Little Man is itching to go out. Not me. Not feeling sick still and aching for all of this to be a terrible nightmare. Anyone else ever wake and just are confused and like your in another person's nightmare? Butch

Thank you all. It is now 11:15 and 14dys... Two weeks. Which seems like a lifetime but like it's just happened. Going to lay my head down. I am going back to work officially a week from Monday. So I've got to get myself together. Goodnight... ❤️

This is a song that Our Son picked out himself, and his wife sang... For me and for my love at the service. I wish she was there. But indeed she was there... Published on Aug 29, 2013 It was me there beside you. Did you hear me call your name? Like the breeze brushing by you, I touched your face. No. No, not the breeze. It was me. Did you feel tears from heaven fall as rain upon your skin? As I quietly wept with you. I was with you even then. No. No, not the rain. It was me. Days will slip by and your pain will fade, When a smile reaches your eyes again, I will be there as I've always been. I've always been beside you... beside you. When the cold night passes you'll be still...you'll be calm. I will wrap you in my arms. In me you'll find love's warmth. No. No, not the dawn It is me. It is me. by Diane C Brothen

Thank you my friends... ❤️