Critterdoll

KayC, I'm glad to hear that at 20, Kitty is in good health. May she be with you for many more years to come! Marj, I love how you include Angel Gb in wishing us all well. I'm wondering if you have felt the presence of his spirit? I have not with Spooky, but maybe I don't know what to look for. I so want to feel his spirit and know that in spirit he will always be with me. That would comfort me alot. ~ Mia ~

Carrie, how on earth you will be able to not cry while going through all this heartache is beyond me. I feel for you in the sadness you are experiencing. My prayers have also been with you and your precious Beauregard! You have been through so much and I pray that God gives you the strength to get through these tough times! Marj, I am so happy for you on becoming a mom to your two sweet kitties! I commented on this the other day in your thread also. I can't wait to be a mom again to some furbabies. My heart aches to love, and my arms ache to hold a precious furbaby or two. I am still aching and missing my Spooky, but I want to be able to laugh and enjoy life again. I still have a shock every morning with Spooky not being there, but I try to get busy right away so as not to think about it. The only thing I somehow console myself with right now is by watching funny pet (especially cat) videos on YouTube and it helps me forget my pain for awhile. ~ Mia ~

What a beautiful baby! I cried looking at his picture, knowing your pain and also that such a precious sweetie is gone from your life. What you said, "I want Tray back in my life, that is all I feel" is exactly how I feel about losing my beloved Spooky. It's like everywhere I turn there is no relief because the light of my life is gone; the one I shared my life with for 21 years. You have been through so much adversity in what I am assuming was such a short period of time. That is almost too much for a person to bear. We are here for you anytime you need to spill out your grief. We understand exactly what you are going through. May God give you the comfort you need in this time of sorrow in dealing with so many losses, as well as the strength you need as far as dealing with you own cancer survival! Bless you! ~ Mia ~

Marj, I am so very happy to see that you have gotten yourself a couple of youngsters to join your family! It has been said that when you introduce new cats into a household that already has cats, it is a good idea to keep them separate for awhile as you have done. As you mentioned about smell, that is why they need to be separate; to get used to the smell first. To me it seems that Hamish will quickly adjust to his new brother and sister (love the names you picked out) if he only growled once. That tells me that he would quickly welcome them because of his feeling lonely also. I also find it very strange to say the least how you weren't allowed to adopt from the rescue group. But things always happen for a reason. It seems that it was meant to be that you should be mommy to Shamus and Brianna, handpicked by God, just for you to love. Maybe soon you can post pictures of your new babies? You said this house is like a tomb. That is how mine feels right now especially because I am now completely alone. It will still take me quite awhile before I move, but I wish I could make it happen sooner so I can also again be able to bring home some lovies to take care of and cherish. For this past month I have hardly done any packing at all, I was feeling so low, like I didn't care about anything at all. But I want the thought of new family members to be my motivation to try to pick up where I left off to get things done and be that much closer to the time I can also adopt some furbabies. (Either two cats or a cat and a small dog.) My thoughts and prayers are with you all! ~ Mia ~

Carrie, I am so sorry to read about what you have been going through with your health, and now to read about what is going on with your beloved Beauregard! I will be praying for you as well as for Beauregard as I am sure all the rest of you are. I know Carrie that out of your overwhelming love for him you are doing everything possible for him! I truly hope that things will improve for Beauregard! I am still trying to cope with losing my sweet Spooky. Saturday was already four weeks since losing him. On one hand the time seems like it went by so quickly but on the other hand it seems like so long ago. I feel torn because if I clearly visualize him as if he was still here in order to in some way keep him close, I fall apart and feel the grief fresh all over again. But if I try not to do that in order not to feel the pain, I feel like he is drifting further and further away, and that in itself still causes pain anyway. I still haven't gotten to the point yet where I can think of him and smile because every time I think of him I still cry. When missing him becomes overwhelming, I just cry and cry and cry. I do hope each bout of crying I go through will lead me to a place where I can feel less pain so I can get to the point of thinking of him with loving fond memories instead of this sorrow I still feel. I am so grateful that I have you wonderful people to talk to, knowing that each and every one of you completely understands exactly what I am feeling. God Bless You all! ~ Mia ~

Every time I do something I hadn't done for awhile I find myself saying, the last time I did this Spooky was still alive. It hurts thinking that way but I can't help it. I will find myself relating many everyday things back to Spooky because he was, as one of you once said, woven into the fabric of my life. It's extremely hard to undo the fabric and separate him from myself into two separate entities to the point where I can think only of myself without including him in my thoughts. When I still had him, whenever I was out for hours my thoughts would go to him and miss him and be happy I'd see him when I got home. ~ Mia ~

Copperpot, I feel with me it will take alot of time. I still cry because I miss Spooky so much. Sometimes I cry as much as I did three weeks ago when I had to take him away. It is true also that my impending move is emotional, partly because I grew up in this house and partly because I feel the move will take me that much further from the familiarity of my past everday life that I had with Spooky. Some people purposely don't look at pictures of their lost pet because of fear of more pain. I actually feel better looking at Spooky's pictures, and Copperpot, I think you also feel better looking at and posting pictures of sweet precious Chester! Two things happened recently which made me take pause. One, I was looking at a devotional book for women at Walgreens. I opened the book to a random page, and happened to open to a page about grieving for pets. I felt it was a sign from God that He understands my pain. The second thing was, I walked into a Petco store just to look at the cats up for adoption. I'm not ready for any now, but just wanted to look at them. One of them was being held by a girl who worked there, and she was petting a gorgeous tabby. The tabby's name was Karenina. I said what are the odds. My mother's name was Nina, and her cousin's name is Karen. I told the girl about Spooky, and said it was like a sign or something because of the cat's name in relation to my family. I said although I am looking, I am not ready to adopt yet. She said the cat was already adopted out anyway and the new "parents" were already in the store. I later told a friend about this and she felt like it was a sign from my mother, telling me Spooky is ok and is with her. My mother absolutely adored cats. We had cats the whole time I was growing up at home. Who knows? Anything is possible! Marj, some names I had for Spooky I used on a regular basis, and some just on occasion. I never really called him Spooky; I mostly used those other cutey names. ~ Mia ~

Mlittle, I am so sorry you are carrying this sad feeling with you. I couldn't even respond to you better than Copperpot did. What she said about the fact that you still feel something about what happened does mean that you ARE a person who does deserve to love a pet again. What happened was out of innocence, not maliciousness. I was much older than you were when I believed something my then husband said. I had a dog Brownie who caught a kitten when I lived in the country. My husband said that the only way we would keep the kitten was to get rid of whatever fleas it might have, first. He said where he came from, cats were bathed in kerosene to rid the cats of fleas. I believed him and allowed him to dunk the kitten in a pail of kerosene. To this day, about 30 years later, that haunts me. I never forget the kitten's terror, with his eyes wide open and paws outstretched. The next morning I found the kitten dead right outside the house. He must have swallowed some kerosene because my husband dunked him all the way under. I feel guilty to this day that I allowed him to do that to a helpless animal, but in innocence I had believed him. I love animals so very much and would never intentionally harm one, and I don't believe you would either! ~ Mia ~

Marj, I love how you now refer to Gb as Angel Gb, which is so true! Our furbabies were angels here on earth, and will certainly continue to be angels in heaven! Wouldn't it be great if we knew all the lost furbabies in this group are already acquainted and enjoying each others' company in heaven. What fun that would be to see! ~ Mia ~

This picture and the accompanying poem struck such a chord with me as it surely did the rest of you. I take comfort in the poem, and having seen this picture, when I am sitting on the couch, I try to picture Spooky resting his head against my shoulder as this spirit doggy is doing with the little girl. It also reminds me of countless times when Spooky would be glued next to me on the couch with his adorable little chin resting on my leg with his eyes closed in perfect contentment. ~ Mia ~

This video is hilarious! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did! Animals truly never cease to amaze! (I hope the link works. If not, then copy and paste into your browser.) http://www.lifewithdogs.tv/2015/08/tiny-dog-carries-stubborn-cat-back-home/ ~ Mia ~

We could get swallowed up by guilt or remorse if we allow it to happen, but we have to remember two things. First, we know that we loved our babies to the best of our ability for whatever amount of years we were allowed to enjoy them. Second, if it is their time to go, it is their time to go, no matter what we do, or try to hold off their departure. The decision is not in our hands, but in God's hands. So nowhere in these two points is there room for guilt or remorse. I am saying this to all of you as well as to myself, because I have felt (and sometimes still do feel) that emotion. AT, your beloved Zander knew your heart, as all our furbabies knew our hearts. He knew he was greatly loved by you. Animals are more perceptive than we maybe give them credit for. ~ Mia ~

Carrie, my heart goes out to you for what you are going through! As if it isn't enough going through the grief of losing your baby poochies, now you're going through physical pain as well. I can well understand the fear of needles. I have two spurs on my right foot; one under my heel and one on the back of my heel. The podiatrist said that is unusual to have two on one foot. I had injections two separate times under my heel to help relieve the pain, but neither injection helped. I was barely able to walk around. I bought cushions to put in my sneakers to ease the pain somewhat. If I sat down for awhile and would get up again, the pain was unbearable. I had to use a cane to walk around. The spur is still there because they never go away because a spur is bone growth. The podiatrist strongly recommended not to have surgery. He said many a time the problem gets worse then. He gave me a soft gel pack that you microwave then wrap around the foot. That has helped somewhat. Lately though the pain has lessened alot (I believe that is God's doing), and I am able to walk around in a normal fashion, but, if I walk around too much on any given day, the pain does return pretty badly again, so I do have to be careful about how long I am on my feet in one stretch. My goodness, injections in the spine?? My prayers are with you Carrie! You talk about your Doxies......I assume that you are referring to dachshunds? A neighbor I used to have next door used to have one. The dog's name was Ginger. I got in the habit of buying and giving her chewy treats so every time I would be going out and she happened to be outside with her human, she would immediately start barking at me for those yummy treats, and of course I couldn't disappoint and she knew it. That was quite a few years ago, and she has since gone to the Rainbow Bridge and her human to a nursing home. My lovebunny (another name I had for Spooky) is gone over two weeks now and my heart is still heavy and I still cry. I still expect to see him at the door when I get home, or to see him come to me from another room, then my heart jumps when I remember, oh yeah, he is not here anymore. Even writing these words is like a stab of pain in my heart. I will never, ever forget him because he is my forever cat, in this life and the next. No matter who I adopt next (which won't be until after I move), I know that Spooky will forever hold a special place in my heart! ~ Mia ~

AT, I am so very sorry for your loss! We all feel your sorrow right along with you. What a beautiful name and what a beautiful furbaby! It is not you who should be feeling the guilt but rather, the vet. You have nothing to feel guilty about! You placed your trust in a professional and they let you down, you didn't let Zander down! I also experienced feelings of guilt, feeling I had let my Spooky down in the end, but was consoled by Marty on that particular issue. It made me realize we as humans do make mistakes, but I gave Spooky my cat, 21 love filled years and we loved each other immensely, and I have nothing to feel guilty about. He knew it was his time to go, and nothing I would have done differently would have changed that. I felt like I didn't pay him enough attention near the end, and that has weighed heavily on me, but I think what counts most is that he knew he was deeply loved for so many years, and I hope he still knows that, where ever he is. ~ Mia ~

Thank you Marj37 for your caring words, and rachal07 for your words of comfort! Rachal07, nothing is silly if it brings you comfort! Whatever it takes to ease the pain you are going through is perfectly acceptable. For some reason this morning I again woke up feeling a crushing sadness and cried a whole lot again. Some mornings I am able to get by without crying, and some mornings not. I don't know why some days hit me more than others, but when the sadness hits, it hits with a vengeance. Mornings seem to be the worst time for me, and as the day progresses I feel a little better. Other times I feel so bad also is after I have been out for awhile and as soon as I come home, the emptiness hits like a sledgehammer. I can't count how many times Spooky would be sitting on the window watching for me to come home. As soon as he saw me, he would jump down from the window, and by the time I got in the door, he would be waiting right by the door to greet me. I hope when God calls me home, Spooky will be waiting for me the same way by the entrance to the Rainbow Bridge! In my prayers this morning, I said prayers for all of you as well. You are truly a special group of people! And Marty, many, many blessings to you for your special, loving care and attention to us all! You have been through so much adversity in your life I got to realize, as I read about you. I was so in awe that you were able to pull through and move on from each sorrowful experience in you life and yet here you are, offering comfort to us all while you are also in need of a shoulder to cry on! Thank You and God Bless You! ~ Mia ~

Copperpot, I'm glad to see that you have reached a point where you are able to open your heart to a new furbaby. Of course in the beginning you will be remembering lots of things about Chester as you get acquainted with Finn and noting the differences between the two, but in time Finn will occupy more and more of your heart, and you will be able to remember Chester without feeling the deep sorrow you are still feeling. I am in the process of packing for moving away, and until I have moved I can't consider a new pet. I want to start a completely new life with a new furbaby (or two) to love, in a place that will be filled with the essence of the new pet. Spooky spent too many years here with me for me to be able to bring a new pet into this place and not always wish it was Spooky still with me here. As of now it still hurts so much thinking about Spooky and the life we had together here. My neighbor had a teacup terrier named Finn, who sadly passed a few years ago. I used to call him the whirling dervish, because he was so full of energy, he would never sit still long enough for you to be able to pet him, twirling in circles around your feet. She also had a cat who she lost just around the same time. She now has the most darling shih tzu poodle mix named Coco that she (and I) adore. Copperpot, blessings to you and I know you will enjoy Finn with all the love you have to give, as he deserves. ~ Mia ~

I just made a correction to the spelling of the breed of dog.  I never know how to spell it, so now, based on reading LadyCarrie's post, I realized I spelled it wrong.  My apologies to those of you who own a shih tzu.  It is also one of my favorite breeds of dog.  A neighbor of mine has a shih tzu poodle mix, and she (Coco) is one of the cutest dogs I have ever seen.  I told her that if I did get a dog, it would be one like that.   I should have mentioned that I saw the program on Time Warner Cable Channel 266 (Discovery Family Channel).  So whoever of you have Time Warner, that's where you can catch it on Thursday nights.   KayC, I do hope you find the program.  Most of the one hour program was filled with happy things, but at times the other side of the coin has to be reported as well, as much as we hate it.  I cried when I saw that poor shih tzu.  I was glad it had a (somewhat) happy ending.  I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the program though.   ~ Mia ~

Rachal, my heart truly goes out to you! I cried when I read your post about your beloved Shrek. I looked at his pic, he was adorable! Pugs are one of my favorite breeds of dogs. Your description of the emptiness you feel was and is exactly how I feel, so I feel your pain! I felt like I could find no relief anywhere. I lost my beloved cat Spooky exactly two weeks ago today, so my pain and anguish is still fresh. You can read my post "Grieving Horribly Over Loss of My Beloved Cat" to read my story. Even to this day, two weeks later, when I come home, I also feel the emptiness of no one to greet me as my Spooky did when I came home. As reported by others in this group, the pain will ease over time, but it does take time. My cat was also my best friend and soulmate who shared my life for 21 years, so his departure left a huge hole in my heart. But I do take heart that time will soften the pain, and I have high hopes that we will see our precious babies in heaven. All I can say about your other pug Fiona, give her extra attention during this sorrowful time just in case she might be feeling sad. I was warmly welcomed into this group by people who genuinely care and understand, and you will be also. As was suggested to me, post here as often as you need to. I feel like posting here has helped me alot in coping with my loss. Blessings, ~ Mia ~

I recently found out about a TV program that would appeal to all animal lovers. I don't know if it has been on for awhile, but I just found out about it. It's on Discovery Family Channel on Thursdays (9 pm on the east coast). It's called From Wags to Riches. I had it recorded and watched it for the first time last night. It's about a family who own a farm somewhere in New York and they have about 26 dogs, a cat, a couple of pigs, a horse, a mule and maybe more animals. The man in the family trains dogs for Broadway and TV shows, and when the dogs are retired, they come to live with him and his family (his wife and daughter). He trained the dog that performed with Annie, from Annie, the Broadway play. Other dog issues come up as well. One was extremely sad, with a somewhat happy ending. Someone pointed out to a police officer that there was a dog crate on the sidewalk with an animal inside. The animal was so matted they couldn't tell what it was, or even if it was alive. The officer took it to the ASPCA in Manhattan, where they found out it was a dog, barely alive. They maticulously cut off the fur, but sadly, around one of his eyes the fur was so matted that they couldn't save the poor dog's eye. They found out it was a shih tzu. Fast forward, the dog recovered, minus one eye, and ended up with gorgeous white fur. So all you see is one beautiful eye, and where the other was, is only fur. The officer who brought him in wanted to adopt him, but she was screened, and upon finding out that she had cats, it was decided not to let her adopt him for the sake of the dog. He was adopted out though, to someone else to enjoy life once again. Of course no one ever found out who had badly neglected this poor dog. I feel such anger when I hear about any animal abuse, I see red. This program is very entertaining, even just seeing the dogs running around. One is a bulldog named Nellie. If she is playing with a toy up on a chair or couch, if the toy falls on the floor, she barks at it, commanding it to come back to her. It is hilarious! The program ended this week with the couple going to sleep with a number of dogs on the bed with them, with Nellie already snoring away (sweet dreams Nellie). I really recommend this program for you all, loving all animals as I do. ~ Mia ~

Carrie, I am so very sorry to read about what you are going through! I will say prayers for you that your situation will improve! I am also very sorry to read about your beloved Beauregard! My heart is aching for you and him. Thank you for your genuine concern for us as well! Today is two weeks to the day that I had to have my baby put to sleep. I will try to spend most of the day outside so I don't think about it too much. Thursday was very bad for me. I cried and cried all day from missing Spooky. I tried to tell myself to get it together, but to no avail. I just needed to cry, and am doing so right now as well. Even when I am not crying, I have a terrible ache in my heart that so far is not subsiding. The corner where he used to sleep, I now filled up that spot with packing boxes, just not to see it so empty. I guess by doing that, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that he will no longer occupy that spot ever again. Also, by putting the boxes there, I don't visualize Spooky sleeping there, which I was doing, and I think that was causing me even more pain. Yesterday for the first time since he died, I packed a couple of boxes for my move. I mostly did it so I don't sit and think. Even the day when I had to take Spooky to the vet to be put down, I kept telling myself all morning, don't think, just do, meaning focus only on getting myself ready to go, not focus on where I will be going; to the vet. I was numb from what I knew I had to do. That was truly one of the worst days of my life! The other day I stopped by the fabric shop in my neighborhood to visit with the owners, a senior couple who have the most gorgeous cat you'd ever see. I told them about Spooky since they are animal lovers. They also used to have a black and white cat named Stretch who used to parade around on the counter in the shop. Stretch has been gone now for a number of years, and the gorgeous cat they now have is named Bushy. I forgot if it is a boy or girl, but (I'll say he) has a beautiful bushy (hence the name) tail. He is orange, with faint tabby stripes. He is a "people cat". When I walked into the shop he purposefully strided right toward me for that petting he knew he was going to get. He also hangs out on the counter, and looks you straight in the eye, which cats usually don't like to do. About a year ago, he and his "humans" had an article written about them in the local newspaper, which of course I kept. I took some pictures of him, so at some point I will post them. Visiting with Bushy made me feel better for a little while. ~ Mia ~

My heart also goes out to you during this very sad time in your life. What a cutey your Malibu was! I just lost my Spooky a little over a week ago, so I understand how you are feeling right now! I also love dogs, and have had a couple many years ago who I still think about with a measure of sadness. All our babies are precious, be they canine or feline. They were all sent to us to love, and to be loved by, unconditionally on the part of both. That is why it hurts so, so much when we lose them. Unconditional love is the purest form love there is, the same way God loves us, and that is why He gave us these beautiful creatures. They represent the same kind of love that God represents. And also because of that, I believe we will see our beloved pets again when our time comes. Why would God eternally deprive us of the pure love He gave us on this earth in the form of our pets. MissingMalibu, speak your mind anytime your heart is heavy and you need a shoulder to cry on. We are all here for you. Everyone here is so genuinely caring and understanding. I was welcomed with open arms by this group, and you will be also! ~ Mia ~

Yes, KayC, there definitely are ups and downs, with hope that truly I will move forward without taking too many steps back! I am also trying to take one day at a time, but it's so hard. Most of the time I wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes it takes me hours to get back to sleep, because when I wake up, my first thought is of Spooky. I am not yet at the point where I can think of the good times I spent with him. My thoughts are still mostly on the sadness of losing him. The other day a couple of antics of his popped in my head that I had almost forgotten about. It actually scared me that I would forget things about him. I decided I would write down all things about him as soon as I think about them so I wouldn't forget again. That way I will have captured the essence of him to look back on when I am ready to smile rather than be sad. ~ Mia ~

Thanks Marj! I did feel blessed to have had him to love with all my heart! But as equally as I loved him as the light of my life, that is how deep the pain now is that I am feeling. I also feel there is no more "what was normal", because my normal WAS having him in my life, part of the fabric of my life. I know we have to move on (and in my case not just figuratively since I am moving) but moving on requires acceptance of the loss of my babydoll and I am not ready for that yet. With regard to moving, since Spooky is gone, I haven't as of yet continued with my packing. My heart still just is not in it. Just when I think I might be all cried out for now, it hits me again, the shock and disbelief that Spooky is truly gone. I might be watching TV, or occupied with a chore, and when my mind goes to Spooky, my heart literally gives a lurch, which I take as still being in shock that he is gone. It is only a week and a half, so to me that is still a very fresh wound. The other night I was listening to late night radio while laying in bed and I happened to catch a segment on grief. They said that when we are in the early stages of grief, it is like an oyster that has gotten a grain of sand caught in his shell, whereas it really hurts and is very raw. And that is why the oyster creates a pearl, to cover up the painful grain of sand. The oyster was brought as an example of the pain and grief we experience. Our new grief is that grain of sand, and then God gradually over time coats our grief just as the oyster coats the grain of sand with material that becomes a pearl. They said that the pain never completely goes away, but by God "coating" our pain over a period of time, it softens the pain to a more bearable level. I just found it so ironic to hear that particular topic at this time. I hope I get to that bearable level, because right now the pain is still very overwhelming for me. I miss my baby so much! That empty corner where he spent his last last couple of months or more still rips at my heart. I guess I still haven't gotten to the stage yet where I have accepted that he is gone. ~ Mia ~

KayC, I am so, so sorry to read about your niece! My condolences to you for the loss of your mom as well. Wow, what you have said here is so profound, regarding your niece as well as your mom! I think the part of us that feels love resides in the spirit and soul rather than the brain. Thinking or acting from a person's heart rather than a person's brain more often than not results in more positive outcomes than negative ones. ~ Mia ~

Marj, truly what beautiful, beautiful babies! I cried through your posts because I am feeling exactly as you are feeling! Your descriptions of the emptiness and pain you feel describes my feelings to a T. My heart also ached for poor, poor Hamish, missing his brother Gb! I hurt so badly for him also, reading from you about how he would sleep on the spot where Gb slept, just to feel closer to his dear brother. But I am so glad to read that Hamish is now doing better! I got to spend almost 21 wonderful years with my baby Spooky. He was probably 4 - 6 months old when I got him from a friend. So we knew each other's personalities through and through and were joined at the hip, figuratively speaking, as well as literally speaking, when he would snuggle up so close next to me on the couch as if he wanted to become one with me. He would tuck his cute little head down right next to my thigh so tightly I always wondered how he was able to breathe. I would take a peek and watch him sleep so contentedly, all being right with his world. Marj, I wish for you peace and healing, for a time when the hurting will not be as intense as it is right now. I feel your pain! Blessings! ~ Mia ~