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BillT

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  1. BillT

    Boogie,

    If you feel a need to talk to someone, I am in your general area (Cedar Hill, South DFW).  

    My dear Mary Kay has been gone for 6 1/2 months.  I will share a bit of my situation with you:

    My Sweetheart was the picture of health at 63 yoa.  She got a headache, which was not unusual for her.  It did not go away as it usually did.  One night, she woke babbling incoherently.  I rushed her to the ER, where the doctors determine there is an infection on her brain.  Surgery is performed, and two weeks latter, she is recovering and scheduled to be transferred to Rehab in a day or two.  I am with her and I determine that her pain is returning, and have the nurse call the doctor.  They rush her to have another MRI and find bleeding in the brain and irreversible massive damage. We took my Darling home to Hospice care.  She died ten days latter, never regaining consciousness. 

     

    It comes in waves.  I am crushed.  I cry and I scream in anguish.  Does not matter.  To never hear her voice calling out "I'm home", or saying "I love you!" or "You're MY Baby!"  creates a hollow in me that is bigger than me.  I am nothing but pain without her.  The thought of a future like this is abhorrent.

    Boogie, my thoughts and prayers are with you this day.

    Bill

     

  2. BillT
    Marita, I will refrain from offering any words of "wisdom" (as if I had any). Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. The love of my life died 6 months ago (1/28/16), and I find my situation perfectly described by your words. My prayer to us is that we can hold on when there is nothing to hold on to, and that day by day the pain and grief will lessen. I am going to meet with a counselor on Wednesday. My thought is that if I have to do that to have someone listen to me, then that is what I must do. Hugs, Bill
  3. BillT
    Marg, I know of what you speak, and my prayers are with you and your mother. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing.
  4. BillT
    My prayers are with you Marg. Bill
  5. BillT

    Maryann,

    Sorry to hear that you are having a bad day.  So am I, and am still at the point where the bad outnumber the "not so bad".  Praying that you get some relief soon.  Stay inside in the "cool".  Houston in July is ... (you fill in the blank).

    Hugs,

    Bill

  6. BillT
    My prayer for you Butch is that you make the trip that you need to make, and you do, think, and feel that which you need.
  7. BillT
    Janka, Thank you. You made me smile, if only for a second. Prayer to you!
  8. BillT
    Thank you all for your messages. I pray that we all receive what peace we can as soon as we can. Personally, I do not have any reason or desire to go on, but because there is no other course, I continue hour by hour, day by long agonizing day. Prayers to all. Bill
  9. BillT
    Mitch wrote: "The feeling that life is futile now and I can't go on. That I don't see the point of living if it feels like this. After all, what do I have left? ... How much sadness, emptiness, loneliness and hopelessness can a person take? " At almost 5 months, this is how I feel.
  10. BillT
    Thank you Janka and Cookie. Your words somehow ease the loneliness I feel. Please pray. Bill
  11. BillT
    Karen my thoughts and prayer are with you this day. Peace.
  12. BillT
    May you somehow someway someday receive abundant blessings. Prayer to you, Mitch. Bill
  13. BillT
    Ditto above. Just change the name to Mary Kay. Few grief bursts so far today. Just a deep and abiding sadness. Prayers to all. Bill
  14. BillT
    Prayer to you that you will find some small solace here with these good understanding people who are on similar journeys. Bill
  15. BillT
    Brad, Positive thoughts to you for your trip. May you live in the moment and share your spirit.
  16. BillT

    Katpilot,

    Thank you for your response.  It is good of you to share your experience in this journey of grief.  Somehow, it helps me.

    Prayer that your journey leads to healing.

     

    Bill

     

  17. BillT
    Four months, I assigning myself Ds and Fs. Can't seem to concentrate on any one thing for more than a few minutes. I have read "A Grief Observed" by C.S.Lewis four times in the last few days. I think there may be something worthwhile in there, but concentrating is difficult for me at this time. Prayers to all.
  18. BillT
    We are born. We love. We lose love. We die.
  19. BillT
    DawnMarie, My sweet MK died just four months ago. There is not much of anything that makes a difference in the pain and loss we are experiencing, but this place helps as much as anything I have found. There are good people here that understand what you are going through because they have traveled the same path. Prayer for peace to you, DawnMarie. Bill
  20. BillT
    Thank you Janka, My sweet Mary Kay died just four months ago. I am crushed. I cry and I scream in anguish. Does not matter. To never hear her voice calling out "I'm home", or saying "I love you!" or "You're MY Baby!" creates a hollow in me that is bigger than me. I am nothing but pain without her. The thought of a future like this is abhorrent. I have no family, and the few friends I have are moving on. I pray that the Lord will take me soon and quickly. Love and prayers to all Bill
  21. BillT
    Dear Janka, You have put into words what I feel toward my dear Mary Kay. God help us please!
  22. BillT
    Prayers to you and yours that Gracie will get better soon.
  23. BillT
    Brad, I understand too well. When Mary Kay and I combined households, one of the things she wished for was a large yard. We got it - just over an acre, all landscaped. We used to mow it together, each on riding mowers. She would start in the back, and I in the front. When I finished the front, I would go to the back and help her finish. (pause for grief burst). Now, every time I finish mowing the back, the grief hits me again, as it is now, writing of this. Peace be with you brother in grief.
  24. BillT
    Mitch, I spent hours yesterday, and read all the posts in the topic. I am at 107 days, and in reading the entire topic, I found some reason to think that the sense of desolation and hopelessness that is my life might improve with time. I would suggest to others in the first months/year of grief may also glean some hope by reading the topic. Love and prayer to all. Bill
  25. BillT
    I am still in the "tear around mindlessly, looking for an escape, though we know there is none." What is a life without my Mary Kay? Empty. This is what I have to look forward to. Wish I felt differently.
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