Sherbear512

Happy birthday Mitch. I know Tammy would be proud of all you have given to this group. I can see here that everyone truly cares for you and we are thinking of you today!

Thank you all for the posts today. I read and reread all of your responses a lot to remind myself Im not alone. I went to see my grief counselor today and cried through the whole session. Felt good to let it out and she convinced me to take care of myself a little today. Ive been taking short weekend trips with my mom and trying to distract myself for a little while, but when I come home its back to reality, back to work and my grief and sense of loss seem to multiply. Missing him while im on a little trip out of town feels so different than missing the empty spot on the couch or in the kitchen while I cook. He always planned great trips for my birthday week. Last year was extra special bc he took me to Fiji and we got engaged. He was planning a trip for us to go to New York and Niagara Falls this week bc my bday is Thursday. I am just going to accept that this week is going to be extra emotional and hope for a better week next week.

My heart is so broken and I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel like everyone is expecting me to be OK by now. Not even close to Ok

I had a really great weekend with my family, but now back at home and missing Justin more than ever. One year ago, we got engaged on a beach in Fiji. It was like a fairy tale I had always dreamed of and we were still in our honeymoon phase, 3 months into the marriage when he died. I would do anything to have him back. The pain is almost unbearable.

Fabian- I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot clearly express the emotions we feel in this situation and only you will know the best way to help yourself heal, but I wanted to share with you my experience so far. I lost my husband of 3 months on March 25 of a traumatic accident. My best friend is a counselor and immediately found a grief counselor for me. I've been going about 2-3 times a month. There is no miraculous healing going on, but In these sessions, I've worked through some guilt, some regrets and just gotten advice to cope with the extreme ups and downs that I have been facing. I have actually come to look forward to the counseling sessions as I am able to open up and be my true self with no judgement. My friends and family are helpful but sometimes it's hard to set boundaries or tell them what I need, which is one point that had gotten through in the counseling- only I know what I need and I need to let others know this bc they cannot read my mind. I hope you find a little bit of peace and comfort in the memories. On my hardest nights, I come to this forum and find a little comfort in the posts and knowing I am not alone. sincerely, Sherry

I confronted one of my fears this week. My husband was an airline pilot and I couldn't bear going to the airport without him. Just one month after he died I brought his ashes to his mom and best friend. Walking through the airport I caught myself looking for him Everytime I saw a man in uniform. But I kept moving forward, I had a purpose, and needed to get Justin to his family. The tears came taking off because I thought of the joy he found in his job and being in the cockpit. I thought of all our travels and him holding my hand each time as we take off. But I faced it, made it through and feel stronger for having done something I really didn't want to do without him. Being out of town was so nice. It felt good to leave my problems at home. Coming home was so painful though. It was like I could temporarily think I was just on a trip and he would be home waiting for me. Now that I have Justin to his family, I am struggling to find another purpose.

Just wanted to share this poem from a book I've been reading (how to survive the loss of a love). I re-read it a lot, becoming a comforting meditation for me: and through all the tears and the sadness and the pain comes the one thought that can make me internally smile again: I have loved.

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can imagine the shock you are feeling, especially with all of the questions surrounding the situation. I feel for you so much but at the same time I want to say congratulations on the birth of your baby. I'm happy for you that you have a piece of him to carry with you. I know it's very hard but take care of your physical needs right now and take it a day at a time. I know you will be told that a lot, but reading it over and over helps me to remind myself. Being one month into my journey of grief, I don't have a lot of experience, but the things that have helped me so far are leaning on my family to take care of me, even when I want to be alone- they stay at arms-length and have been keeping me going. I have started seeing a grief counselor weekly who is helping immensely to sort through the roller coaster of emotions, and right now I focus on achieving one thing a day. Every day is different- some feel ok, some are horrible and I cannot get out of bed. I have learned to accept that my emotions are pretty much out of my control right now. I take advantage of the good days to get things done, but allow myself the bad days to grieve. Be patient with yourself and know that the people in this forum are here to provide support on the days you need it.

Thank you for your posts today. I am slowly making it through the work day today. Taking short breaks to remind myself to keep breathing. I am drawing comfort from each of your posts, that you have each lost someone and have been through this horrific pain and you are all still living, working and doing what you need to do to carry-on. Number one lesson I am drawing from this experience is compassion. I've never dealt with death firsthand before but I can feel myself changing everyday. I feel like I need to find something to channel this grief and give myself a purpose... but still pondering what that will be.

Hi Amy, I am new to this forum as my husband recently passed suddenly 3 weeks ago. He was 32 and we were just recently married. I have read through this post and your blog and just want you to know that I appreciate your posts as I have identified with a lot of your thoughts and feelings. I'm still in a dark shadow of a place right now but reading through your progression over the past year has given me some inspiration. Although we will never get our loves back, you are carrying on his story with your writing and it's been great reading about things he did for you and how he changed you.

I appreciate all of the posts and words of comfort. I'm feeling especially sad and lonely tonight. I loved him so deeply and he was my perfect person. I haven't been able to sleep and I miss him with a physical pain in my chest and stomach that will not subside. I keep looking at pictures and feel like I'm torturing myself knowing that I will not have another day with him. I tried to go back to work last week, but could not focus on anything. Any thoughts on the suggested time to take off of work? It's been 3 weeks since his passing. Im so tired of feeling sad and hopeless all of the time but nothing seems to give me any joy right now.

Hi there, I am having a rough time coping with the sudden loss of my husband/best friend. He fell from a golf cart and suffered fatal head trauma while on vacation on good Friday. We are 31/32, just got married 3 months ago and had just found out we were pregnant on the day he died. I miscarried the baby 3 days after his funeral. It's been a little over 2 weeks from the accident and I feel like my life has no purpose. I had everything I ever wanted, my life was so happy and complete and I feel like this is all just sick joke. He was such a good, funny person and people from all over are reaching out to tell me how great he was and how much he will be missed. But I'm having a hard time picturing my life going on without him. What's the point? I had it all, was at my happiest, why try to start another family and have this happen again? I don't want to kill myself because I don't want more people to suffer, but I am having a hard time getting out of bed and trying to start my life again. If anyone has any tips on motivation to keep going, your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.