Thundar73

I think out of the things they list, this is the truest in my situation: at others who have not lost what you have lost, who aren’t suffering; who are more fortunate than you and don’t even see it or appreciate it; who cannot understand what you are going through; who will go back to their lives as usual. So many people love their moms on Facebook & say nice things about them...but they don't get it, that one day they can't say those things to them on Facebook, or in person...Mother's Day I was completely off Facebook. Didn't want to see all the posts about their mothers.

I'm back. I'm really having anger issues since my mom passed in April. I'm not mad at her, just angry in general. Like a short circuit in me. The only ones I've lashed out to was my oldest brother, & I've never lashed out at my oldest brother before. I know anger is one of the stages in grieving, but when does it go? I hate this stage. I rather be sad than mad & irritable.

That's a good way to put it, I've told others they have to adjust to life without the deceased. Some says it gets easier, I HATE when they say that because that's the way to say it. It doesn't get easier, you're just adjusting to life as best you can without the people you lost.

Someone once told me earlier today life isn't the same after a mother passes away, is this true? Things aren't the same now of course, but 5 years from now will things be different still?

That's what I did, I left the group.

On Facebook, all my in-laws have 1 group CHAT private message. It's where anyone on my wife's side of the family can say hi in an instant message on Facebook & everyone on her side of the family can see it. Today they brought up Mother's Day plans. I was so close to saying "Guys, respect my feelings on this matter, someone's mother just died 2 weeks ago." I felt angry & sad at the same time. I don't want that day to come so fast. She died too close to Mother's Day, died on the 15th, then 23 days later, Mother's Day, UGH!

ty all for your advice, thank God for this site.

I'm an old soul, as people have told me. I've accepted the things I can not change, like death of older relatives, parents, grandparents, etc. I ponder life, I knew what lay ahead, I knew not all people live until 100, & this isn't Neverland. I don't focus so much on the family member that isn't here, the missing, as I call it..."the empty chair" I don't dwell on that, I think of the memories when they were living, when they "occupied that chair" & the times we've shared together, look at pictures, videos, etc.

As y'all know, my mom died this month on the 15th. I'm hardly crying though. My father cries big time, my 2 brothers have cried a lot, but I've hardly cried. Is it because there was no closure? Like a memorial service? I can type about her, her final moments, etc without crying or even getting choked up, but I loved her so much, I feel like I'm a bad son. I do feel very depressed, but I've hardly cried. I sometimes put on sad music & look at pictures of my mother to force cries out of me, but it doesn't work. Am I insane? I've lived across the country from my family since 1998, I only visited them one week every year, they live in the northwest, I live in the northeast...is it because I didn't see her a lot since 1998? I'm just trying to figure out why I'm not crying about this big loss in my life. I never cried that much when my sister died. I cried at the wake, got choked up at the service, got bummed out a lot, but I didn't cry. I cried every time I flew back west every time I visited my girlfriend/fiance, now wife. We'd hug & cry goodbyes at the airports. I got choked up when I was at home, cross the country from my girlfriend (it was a 2 year long distance relationship until I moved out here in '98, then married in 2000) at times. But really, I'm not that much of a crier....is that bad? I accepted my sister died, I accept my mother's gone & never will return, but I don't cry & I think I should be balling my eyes out.

As you know, my mom died on the 15th, lung cancer, she was 74. Her dad lived until 91, he was a smoker, but quit later in life like my mom did...her mom smoked too...but quit also, later & lived until 93, & she was the most stressed out emotional sensitive always fighting with my grandfather kinda woman....but she did love her terriers right up until age 91.

That's so odd Kay, I was thinking of typing something about cards first, but couldn't think up what you just said, so true.

1. Suicide is not the answer, you still have people who love you in this world, & imagine how sad they will be if you did it. 2. Did your bubbly mam have a funeral? Usually funerals sorta slap you in the face to tell you that they are really dead. My sister's wake did that to me. I didn't believe my 10 year old sister was dead until I saw her in the casket. That was a harsh reality check, & after that I refuse to look at anyone else in a casket. 1. Too morbid 2. I rather think images of them alive than looking at a bit of a different version of them in a coffin. My mom didn't have a funeral, but I know she's dead because my dad wouldn't be breaking down crying every time I call him, and he wouldn't hand the phone over to my mum after we talk, if she dead. So, I know she's dead. She's not in Italy or Mars or Barcelona or got hired by the CIA for a job in Afghanistan. My mother is gone, she's dead, and won't ever come back. She was my wind beneath my wings & I seriously think this government should focus on CANCER, than spending so much for conflicts & wars.

Marg, I'm in no way a skeptic. I question some things & it's o.k. to question some things, but in no way am I a skeptic. I do believe in something, not nothingness. I believe that something is beyond our existence, a higher plane or 2, or 3. What makes me mad, are phonies. Some are on the t.v., hunting for ghosts. Ghost Adventures, for example, the host goes way too overboard in his emotions, the crew does to...they sound like bad actors from a found footage movie, like Paranormal Activity 5. It is these types of people that.... 1. Gives the whole paranormal thing a bad rap 2. They lessen the credibility of the paranormal, & that just makes me upset. I'm just very very hugely careful on what I read or watch, when it comes to the paranormal. If you ask me if there is anything I don't read much about, is mediums & psychic stories. There are fake ones & there are real ones. The fake ones hurt & tarnish, in my opinion, the real ones who are trying to get people to BELIEVE, they actually can talk to the dead. It's like fake ghost experiences, the fakes hurt & tarnish the field of parapsychology, & that's why I'm careful of what to believe. Does that explain it better?

I heard a story once where a group of people were sitting in a room, & the psychic walks in & immediately points to this one person to tell them something about a deceased family member. Those kind of psychics I wanna see. The other kinds where they sit in front of you & you are alone with them & they ask you 800 questions & near half of what the psychic was thinking were misses, those types I don't trust.

The mediums you guys see, do they know your name, number, any info on you?

Living until your 90 is just luck. Whatever you eat, or breath in, you're never THAT safe of something harmful entering you. Life is just luck to me. Exercising & being mobile is great, but, again, even a zumba class every day for 30 years won't get you to the age of 90. It's just plain luck. You can be a vegan, & live in the most healthiest place in the world, as far as air quality goes, & you might still get hit with a disease. Those are my thoughts while I ponder life after the loss of my mother.

Wanna really get scared? Go to a hospital around 3 a.m., and you might see lights blinking, or feel someone watching you. Hospitals are hot spots for activity.

O.k., since we are opening up to our disabilities, I have Moebius Syndrome, it's a disorder that affects the facial nerves. Some have no movement on their entire face, others have partial movement, like me, I can smile on my left side & close my left eye, but can't do anything on my left side of my face. It also affects a limb or 2. I was born with no hands due to it. My right arm goes from wrist to shoulder & my left arm goes from elbow to shoulder. I type with the end of my right arm, & my lil left arm does the LEFT SHIFT key or CAPS LOCK, or any far left button.

& KayC, K-Pop is annoying. I have a friend on Facebook so addicted to K-Pop, I don't get it. I've listened to some YouTube videos & I don't get the attraction to it.

One can have an interest in the paranormal & have an open mind about paranormal events, or events that seem paranormal. Just giving my opinion on things like that & question everything, & try to debunk it every way possible before labeling/stamping it paranormal. It could very well been what she thought those experiences were, but I hope she checked everything before coming to that conclusion.

I think that some are really really really really really wanting to hear from their loved ones so so much that they'd go to mediums & want to hear from them so desperately. I just lost my mother on the 15th, & have no plans to go to a medium. I don't trust mediums, most of them are phony. As for the afterlife, no one living on this planet can tell me what's next after we die. Yes, there are some that have died & came back to tell about it, but they either 1. Want to get rich (Like the pastor's boy who died, saw Heaven, came back, then the father a wrote a book, which was made into a movie) "Heaven Is For Real". The pastor had doubts at first though...which sounded kinda odd considering he's a PASTOR. Aren't leaders of churches supposed to believe in places like this? But anyway, I found the whole story fishy. If an atheist wrote the story, I think I'd believe it more. Speaking of which...I read an article on an atheist dying & coming back to life & told what happened...he saw nothing. He said nothing happens after we die. I find that fishy as well...because an atheist WOULD say that. So what happens after we die? No one knows for sure, not even the highest religious leader in the whole world has seen it for himself. There is a bunch of literature about it, of course, but has anybody alive really truly seen what lies beyond our realm of existence? There could be a Heaven, maybe not with golden gates & St. Peter on an altar looking in a big book & checking off names as the newly deceased check in. There could be a beautiful place where we meet up with family members that have gone before us. There could just be a peaceful white light for our souls to rest in. There could be reincarnation. There could be lots of neat things. I have pondered this, reading literature about this, & the many beliefs people have...even atheists. I can see why hardly anyone would want to believe in an eternal unconscious blissful state...that sounds horrid. I think that's why people turn to religion, it's a nice soft comforting pillow, makes them more at ease when they think about death. To me, beliefs & truths are 2 separate things. I HOPE there's something great after we die, I really do....but the reality of it is, I have no clue until I die & find out for myself. My mom passed this month on the 15th. After my sister died, in 1988, my parents turned their backs on religion. Now my mom knows the truth. They didn't really believe in the paranormal neither. I loved reading about it, but never experienced 1 thing in my whole life...but my grandmother had told me stories about her mother experiencing something & seeing someone right after they die would never be lied about with my great-grandmother, she was a strict lady. So while I do believe in the paranormal ("a million cases can't all be hoaxes" is my saying), I can't say truthfully it's real because I've never experienced a thing. Some are very sensitive to spirits & see them easily...so they say...some aren't so sensitive. You need to debunk everything to make sure it's a real paranormal event. Like what was written about electricity blinking...that could just be a strange coincidence of faulty wiring. I'll give you an example. This happened to me only once. When I was about 11, I moved out of the room I shared with my sister into my 2 brothers' room, they went off to boot camp in the Navy. My parents bought a touch lamp for me, for my new bedroom. Touch lamps are lamps, when you wanna turn it on dim, you touch it once...touch it again, it'll get brighter, touch it again, it'll be at its brightest, touch it 1 more time it'll turn off. One night I woke up around 1. I couldn't fall asleep again, so I laid on my back for a bit...& the lamp was at it's brightest..the color of the cover was dark red. So even at its brightest, the room wouldn't be that bright....I just needed light in my room cuz I started to read books on the paranormal, & watched Amityville, The Entity, The Omen, etc. So anyway, I was laying on my back, looking at everything, until suddenly on the farthest upper corner of my room, a flash of light with a crack sound...almost as if a firecracker had gone off. It freaked me out, but the second after that happened, the touch lamp started to activate by itself & it wouldn't stop. So I ran to my sister's room, nearly dragged her outta bed & had her see it from the other end of the hall, we both freaked, closed the door & pulled the covers over us & went to sleep. The next morning I woke up, I opened the door of my sister's room & slowly peaked at my room down the hall. The lamp was at its dimmest lighting. No one died at the time of the event, & from time to time we had a rat or 2, maybe a chipmunk in the attic...so maybe it was an electricity problem, it never happened again. So, in closing, don't always believe the first thing that comes to your mind. Wind enter houses in the winter even though everything is closed, a few doors can close by themselves, & electricity isn't always perfect...& odd coincidences can happen.

I don't think anything can actually end grief. It will continue, but as time passes, you sorta get used to your current life without whoever your grieving for, but you still get sad here & there. It just takes time. I had a cat named Rosie. She was 14 when my grandfather gave her to me, because he couldn't keep pets where he and his wife were moving to, & he was going to put her down. I'm like, "Oh no you don't, she's still healthy & alive." So I had Rosie for 4 more years until her death. She was a Tortoiseshell cat, and I still miss her & think about her always 24 years later. In 2000, my wife & I got a 7 week year old Tortoiseshell kitty & 16 years later she's still healthy & alive, just getting old.

Strange thing is, after 28 years after my sister's death, I hardly dream about her...other members of my family do. I say to myself, "She must be busy in others dreams."

I haven't heard voices, but I do believe in the paranormal. Some of my family members who wouldn't lie about such things have experienced voices or apparitions. But, there can be instances where the brain can somehow conjure up a voice or have you seeing things due to a tragedy or trauma. So, I believe in both the paranormal part & the psychological part of post traumatic incidents...the mystery is which is which. For instance, I was in my late sister's room, which I moved into after she died, & I was talking on the phone to a friend who just finished saying a prayer on the phone. Right after she finished, the whole room smelled like...what a whole room of flowers would smell like. There were no flowers anywhere near the room I was in nor was I thinking about flowers. It lasted about a minute, then the scent left. Last time I smelled anything that strong was at my sister's wake. But I doubt it was a past scent visiting my senses again, so I decided it was my sister or someone from not of this world comforting me after the prayer was said.

So sorry for all those losses. I am/was a momma's boy. It's not right to prefer 1 parent over the other but I felt relaxed talking to my mom all the time. With my dad, we only talk a minute on the phone....with my mom we talked about family, movies, politics, etc. When my mom was alive, whenever I called, my dad would answer the phone, say hi, how am I doing, etc...then hand it over to my mom.