seachelle

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm so sorry for your loss, the one that I will go through sooner than later. There is not good time to experience grief but I suppose it is normal in these circumstances. Sometimes the magnitude of the grief scares me. It helps to talk to others who have been through similar experiences. Please reach out to me as well if you need to talk. I try to check the board regularly, but fell off for a few weeks recently when other life circumstances took over. Best. Michelle

Hello everyone, so sorry to have taken so long to reply. Thank you all for your kind words. I guess the kind of grief I'm dealing with that is the kind that comes when you begin to see that your parent is actually weak. I don't know how long she has, she isn't on her death bed, but as with dementia, the road is long and windy and the situation is scary. I joined a facebook group for young adult carers which is helping a bit. I just wish our culture wasn't so closed when it comes to acknowledging grief but I guess things are slow to change in that regard. Thanks again for all your kind words.

Hello, my mom is actually 77, had me at 43. I have some relief knowing that whatever happens, she lived a normal lifespan and was healthy for the vast majority of it. I hope your girlfriend finds the help she needs. Best,

Hello, it is shocking when you talk to people how common dementia is. I suppose we should all do our best to keep our minds active and our bodies healthy. Not that it's a guarantee. Your girlfriend is experiencing a monumental loss that is surely overwhelming to the people around her. Have you discussed with her joining a grief forum if she feels that her immediate social network isn't/can't be supportive? I can't imagine losing so many ppl at once, but that's partly because I've already lost so many family members over the years. It was gradual, not a shock and awe, scorched earth campaign of loss. If you haven't already it might be worth sharing this group with her, or another group. There is another similar group called beyond indigo.

Hello everyone, I am so sorry for all of your losses. My mom has dementia and some other health problems. I am 34. I think one of the worst things has been watching her suffer as she understands that her health is declining and there is nothing I can do about it. We both feel utterly helpless. I would imagine that is something akin to what would happen if a parent had any serious, chronic illness such as yours. Know that we are here for you if you need a listening ear! It can be isolating to be so young and suffering such a potent loss, but you are not alone.

How devastating and shocking to lose two close family members in the same short period, and so quickly and unexpectedly! I don't know if you been through a grieving process before but the fluctuation between numbness and sadness/devastation is normal and one of the hardest parts of the process. Just when you begin to get the relief of the numbness the sadness returns. Hopefully you and your friend can be a support network for each other through this time. In the past, for me, it has eventually faded, but it's always agony and in truth, I think this phase it what everyone fears when they are approaching or in the beginning of a grief process. Take care of yourself, know that what you are experiencing is normal and that you are not alone. We are here for you if no one else is available to talk! Best wishes through this trying time.

In the past when I've been depressed I've made myself go read at the library...I was that desperate to be around people. It is so hard to lose the center of your social network. I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing is reaching out to people to schedule a social time but it may help to see if your brother and SIL or friends would be willing to set aside a couple of days or evenings a month to go to dinner or do something fun.

Yes it is normal Butch! My supervisor came and said something to me the other day and it went right over my head. She looked at me like I was mental. She is 25 years old and has no idea what it's like so I forgave her in the moment for her ignorance.

One thing that works for me sometimes is ASMR videos. You can look them up on youtube. It is short for Automatic sensory meridian response, in other words, that tingly feeling you get sometimes when listening to soft sounds. I have some favorites," gentlewhispering", "cutebunny992" are my top 2 right now. I know it sounds unusual but it really helps me relax at times and a lot of people who comment on youtube feel the same. It is very meditative.

Go easy on yourself, if a magic solution to grief were truly available, someone would be a millionaire. There is not easy way out, or identifiable pathway to move beyond it. All you can do is take it day by day. In fact one could argue that "moving on" too quickly is akin to ignoring the grief, which can't be healthy though it may feel nice in the moment. I do think that as time goes by there can develop a black hole of grief where the grief just exists for itself, but only the person experiencing it can say when that occurs. It most likely won't be in the weeks or months immediately following a loss. You need to take care of yourself. There is no perfect way to grieve and no one here will judge you.

It's a sad reality that people often don't know how to react when death occurs in the life of someone they know. I feel like we are so removed from death that it often comes as a shock, and the people we need to support us are as scared as we are because on some level they must know that this grief awaits them in their future. Maybe they like to imagine that when it happens to them they will, "be strong", "move on" etc. We know it's just not that easily. Luckily when it is their turn, they will have us to talk to if they are so lucky.

I'm surprised there haven't been more responses. Is it that unusual for young adults to experience severe loss?

Hello there, I can only imagine what this must feel like. It doesn't matter that you are young or that this was your first love, in some ways that makes it harder. I remember the first time I lost someone very close. I was 24 I think, no amount of age prepares you and no amount of youth makes it better unfortunately, that is plain to see from all the posts on this forum. All you can do are the same things we all have to do. Go easy on yourself, seek help from people who can help you, trusted adults or grief counselors. Be forgiving of your friends, even as people get older they won't always no how to support someone in grief. As the shock fades try to resume your life and seek out new connections with quality people.

Dear Butch, it is so hard losing people within a close time span, especially when one of them was an integral part of your support network, or safety net. You can do this. We all can and must. It's a tragic part of life, but the best we can do is appreciate the love we had and still have, and move forward seeking new connections if they be new friends, new interests or new community involvement. Go easy on yourself and don't expect to be a rock like they show guys in the movies. You are allowed to feel weak, but it's not weakness, and you will be strong again. Seek support where you can, here or in person groups in your community. Even if you are not religious, churches can be very helpful as there are almost always ppl there willing to listen and accept you during those times when you feel alone and they often have support groups and social groups attached.

Hello everyone, I am a youngish woman (early 30's) who's mother was recently diagnosed with dementia and some other health problems. I am having a very difficult time coping with this. I don't really know what else to write at the moment, I guess I am wondering if there are any others out there in their 20s/30s going through this. It's very isolating at my age to be dealing with the potential death of a parent while many of my friend's parents are still relatively young.