Chocolate

My thought is that she is embracing you in her love.

Things are still very raw for you. I'm so sorry for your horrendous loss. When you are ready to share, know that you can tell us how it happened and why. Do you have any family who is helping you? I had to do it all alone. There are parts of my house I still want to avoid too. I got myself a huge teddy bear to sit in my husband's easy chair in front of the tv so I didn't have to see his empty chair. Dear heart, know that we care and understand the emptiness you are feeling. Also know he is still with you. Yes, he is. It's just his physical presence that is gone.

800, wow, how horrible. I assume for the fire to go out, it will have to be the rain that does it, and who know how much you/we will get and when. I assume the smoke will kill all the wildlife.

I feel all of the above that you are talking about. I am glad I have the opportunity to grow through this and all it brings. On the other hand I am still experiencing all of the five stages of grief, and yes, for me they are all real.

What I'm talking about is the fear of losing the connection. It is an emotional reaction, not a logical one. There are all kinds of ways my mind, heart and soul considers this.

Since the guilt helps you feel the connection, it's understandable you hold on to it. To me deep pain, the ache and the loss are all part of the same thing. I'm happy for my husband too, but....

Actually, it's not a matter of them drifting away. At least it's not for me and my dear one. For each couple it is unique.

In someways are you afraid to let go of the ache and the pain because you are afraid you will lose the connection to the dearest one in your heart, like it might let somehow let them drift further away? I know in some ways that might not make sense, but.... How do you feel about this?

All this means is that I said was I was going to say, wanted to follow the thread, but forgot to click the follow button.

Leylaa, I can't say I know what it's like for you, but I know that miscarriage is devastating and miscarriage because of abuse has to be horrendous. Dear heart, know my heart is with you. kayc, I'm so sorry you experienced this tragic loss. So very sorry you grieved alone.

Forgot to click follow this.

Could you take them to small claims court? I know that's probably emotional energy you don't have, but.... I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. It's just not right.

This site has a free dating arm for those who are over 50 and interested in dating. This site is Buzz50 Here's the link:https://buzz50.co.uk/?utm_source=com&utm_medium=menu&utm_campaign=top-menu I mentioned it in a previous post.

Oops, I meant small town, not community.

I'm glad he made it back. I live in a rural setting two mile out from a small community. If I mention the name of it, then that will inhibit me from being open here. It's in the Oregon Coast Range, as I've mentioned several times. I have lived in several different parts of the state. None of them were communities.

I've lived my entire life in Oregon. It is not a community. If a person finds it here, they are lucky. The church I attended as a kid did not practice love. It practiced condemnation. That condemnation led my brother to believe that no matter what he did he would be damned to hell. In 1980 near a small town he shot and killed four of his neighbors. Two of those people we had attended church with when we were kids. What he did destroyed my loving parents. It destroyed everyone impacted by the killings, the victims on both sides. There are good people and heartless people here like there are everywhere. The community where I live now is only caring if the person believes just like they do. Otherwise, like my current neighbor lady said, "If we must fight, we fight." So, I make sure I do not rile her up. Violence solves nothing. The answers you seek begin within yourself. For each of us the answers begin within ourselves.

So he showed up again? The other day you said he had been gone for 5 days during the heavy smoke.

I'm so sorry its so hard for you. A person can make a decision to believe they will see the loved one again. That's what I did. It helps. Otherwise I would have no hope. I can choose between misery and hope. I choose hope, every time.

Your mom is missing out on a lot. In general both my husband and I believed it was better to be alone than with just anyone. I don't know about apps. I'm the wrong generation for that. I'd like to find some women to be friends with, but around here everyone is very conservative, and I'm not. I'm glad you and Annette were/are best friends. Very few people have that in their intimate relationships. My husband was my best friend too. We had each other's backs.

Oops. "just the way her are" should be, just the way you are.

You don't have to earn your way to be with her. That's not my understanding. Real love is unconditional. What if while you are talking out loud to her, you write what you are saying down? When the next thoughts come, they could be from her. Assign them to her. Write those down too. Then you respond aloud and on paper or on the computer and save the file. Over time you will be able to see which ones are from her and which ones are from you. Don't judge it. You need to stop judging yourself as inadequate. You aren't. She loves you just the way her are, so does the universe or whatever you call the higher ways. Some call that God. Have you ever thought of getting a dog or a cat? They can provide a tremendous amount of support. You don't have to get a baby animal. You can get a rescue animal that needs a home. My old cat keeps me sane. Love, the real unconditional kind, is the answer no matter what the question.

As time goes by and we experience things our beliefs adapt.

Positive reinforcement helps...leaving food for the cat. Little Albert loved ice cream, so every time they brought in the bunny, they gave Albert ice cream. That way he began associating the bunny with something he loved.

Yes it is nice to be able to have someone to communicate with, someone who does not think a person is crazy or..... It does seem like we have a bunch in common. So many times in the last 8 months since my husband died such a painful death, I have felt completely lost, and by lost, I don't mean the way religious people think of "lost". Hang in there my friend, you will find the way to prepare yourself to be with her, the way that is right for the two of you. The higher part of who you are is helping you discover what you already know.

Sad_Widower, I'm so glad the thread has helped. What you have written here is confirmation of the beauty of the love the two of you share. As you prepare to fulfill your love and do the things you long to do to be ready when the time is right to be with her, know that she is loving you just as much. Bless you. What's been coming to me lately are three words: Transcend, Transform and Ascend. This is my path to be with my dear husband. What came to me today is the realization of why I am still here. I thought if my husband passed before I did, I would continue pursuing my writing and painting careers. They were so important to me. Once he passed they they meant nothing to me. Nothing. His love is most important to me. I then realized that love is the most important thing in the universe. In fact today I realized that love is the cosmological constant. Einstein just didn't know it. For those who are unfamiliar with this term, the cosmological constant is an enigmatic form of matter or energy that supposedly acts in opposition to gravity and is considered by many physicists to be equivalent to dark energy. Dark just means we don't know what it is. It came to me today that love is the energy that hold the cosmos together. During this period of my life I am becoming love. So is my husband.