Chocolate

Yes, it is impersonal. A virtual hug is not the same. But at least we know that there are other good people out there. Now, I would just like to find others of like mind that I can spend a little time with off and on. Most of the people I knew like that before have passed away.

You find them here, in places like this. There are some really good people here.

Gwenivere, yes when someone is the center of your world for 30 years, the void can't be filled with someone else. My husband was with me for 31. Boho-Soul, I hear you about sympathy, empathy and just being heard. Some people say to just give it to God, and then they don't contact you again. If they believe in God, then they know that that God does not have skin we can touch, so that would make people God's skin and if a person needs a hug, then it has to be a person who does it. I believe in all-that-is, and all-that-is has a lot of skin, and could hug me if it was sentient and aware.

Sad_Widower, I can see why you are so upset with your family, after you've given them so much. From my experiences during the worst tragedies of my life, I think people tend to shy away from others in the others' time of need. The more religious the person was, the less likely they were to bother with me. If you break down the word therapist you have - the rapist. My late husband pointed that out to me. At one time I did have a therapist I thought was a good one when I was experiencing a previous loss. Trouble was at one point she thought I was coming on to her husband. For crying out loud, I had just lost my boyfriend to cancer. Her husband was acting like a brother to me and I was grateful to have a brother. She "knew" she was right. She ended the therapy sessions. She betrayed me. Doctors in general aren't any better. Most of them are not schooled in positive bedside manner. If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen. Is there a private message component to this site? Take care, dear heart. You are a good soul. Know that.

Nope. When you've had the best, the rest won't do.

At least it was a peaceful death. So many have it so much worse. It would be hard for me if the death of my loved ones was so public.

So I assume that you got married yesterday. Congratulations.

This is so true. Often times people don't know what to say, so they don't say anything at all - That adds to the pain and heartache.

Tell you what, I'll trade you some dry weather for some of your rain. Deal?

We need to get the afterlife connected to the internet...on a safe channel of course. Grin. I feel that way about my cat. If something were to happen to him, I'd be in dire depression like I was at first. My husband was allergic to dogs. So we had cats. This little one when he was about 8 weeks old ran away from his home across the street. I kept taking him back and he kept returning to us. So the neighbors said it was okay to keep him. At the time we had two old cats, who are now gone. Wow, 110,000 acres. I didn't see the news last night. Football replaced the news. At least it's cooler now. I sure hope the rain they talked about shows up. I assume your car is packed up and ready. Do you have a place you can go? I have suit cases out, boxes ready to fill and a list of what I would want to take that I can check over.

Thanks.

Yes, it was horrendously shocking. But one of the things I've learned is that the worst things that happen can provide the best growth, if we look at it that way. Thank you.

You're welcome, Boho-Soul.

That kind of connection is what I wanted too, and it found me. I hope it comes to you too.

I stand corrected. I didn't realize you thought of your late husband as your soulmate. There's another term that is applicable to the relationship I have with my late husband. It's twin flame. He is the other half of my flame. I've loved others very deeply, but my late husband was/is the other half of me.

It's how I met my soulmate. Maybe it would work for in finding yours.

Thanks. Good luck with your writing. The process of writing it both wonderful and grueling. It's 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. Right now I don't care if it ever gets published. I've worked at this for over 40 years. The best things that have ever happened to be happened when I wasn't expecting them. For this to work this time, that's what has to happen. I've released it.

It was cathartic at first. But I rewrote and rewrote for 10 years. By then I was grinding in the pain. I was learning to write, really learning to write. It takes time and care to get the words to say exactly what a person means. I started it on a typewriter. Once I transferred it to a computer, I backed up everything constantly. Yes, I've been published. I was on a couple of talk shows, one in New York and on in Toronto. I've published two book through traditional publishing and 10 myself in digital format. The last one I wrote I decided was too important to publish myself. I was looking for another agent when my husband became so ill. For now that's on hold.

I was getting a masters degree in counseling focusing on gerontology. I'd start a term. then there would be a trial scheduled. I'd have to drop out for the term to be with my parents in court. I'd go down to be with them only to have the trial rescheduled. By the time it was over I had lost all interest in ivory tower theory. See, my brother murdered his neighbors, four of them, two of them we knew and had gone to church with when I was young. Once the trial was over and he was sentenced, I did not have the energy to continue. That's when I switched to writing a book about what it was like to be the family of a killer. This was in the early 1980s, before the killing sprees had become rampant. My second husband forbid me to tell his wealthy parents. As soon as I was together enough I left him, got a job and continued to write. After the murder story I switched to fiction.

That's way too common. My first husband told me he was God in our house. If he had been we would have had enough to eat and wouldn't have had to pick up bottles along the road to make ends meet. He always spent more than we made, and considered the money from my job his. He had been abused as a child. My second husband was from old money, and things became awful after he got access to his inheritance from his grandmother and when he became ashamed of me because of crimes my brother committed. I nearly drown from the mess. I had to drop my masters program to help my parents through it.

Thank you for explaining. It's good you like your job and are on the mend. Nice that you have a daughter, son-in-law and grandbaby. I assume the daughter came from a relationship prior to your last husband.

I'm not sure what a healing team is, nor do I know what pediatric therapy is. You certainly are dealing with a lot. Do you have kids? It doesn't sound like it. I read in you profile that you live in Canada, hence the socialized medicine comment. How long do you think it will be before you return to work? I live in the U.S..

I'd try a different attorney. Maybe the one you got wasn't any good. Sometimes it takes a shark of an attorney to get things done. How are you getting by? At least your mother-in-law is on your side. Are there bills to pay related to his medical treatment or does socialized medicine pay for it all.

It sounds to me like it was a blood clot, even though they said it wasn't. Have you contacted an attorney? Sometimes they are the only ones who can sort it through. Maybe an attorney would do it for part of the life insurance.

You're welcome. As I see it, the one thing we can do is to use our downs to help others up, if possible. I could always see the good in people, but the bad in them would sometimes mess me over. Odd that you don't know the cause of death. Was he at home when it happened? Were you with him when he died? Just remember that sometimes a person has to walk through a lot of poop to get to the meadow filled with flowers. The poop can help the flowers grow.