Chocolate

You're welcome. Thanks. Thank you, kayc. I'm a writer by trade and avocation. So I kind of take things apart and look at them from all kinds of angles and try to find my best course, especially when going through the swamp. Boho-Soul and V.R. thank you for the lovely songs. They sure do help.

Just because she's enjoying heaven doesn't mean she's not with you too. Those in the afterlife can do both at the same time. You need to learn to cherish yourself. She cherishes you. You're worth it.

Thank you. This is wonderful.

Have you ever thought about what your beloved one is going through on the other side of the veil? I know there are the stereotypes of what they are seeing and feeling, but what is it really like for them - without you? He/She has just arrived in the new place, full of love and positive things, like their other lost loved ones, but...but they are there without the one who is the most special to them, the other part of their soul. You. Have you ever considered that they could be just as upset as you are? Have you? They would want more than anything for you to be there with them. They would want to share it with you, immediately. Trouble is when they come back in spirit to you, they can't even get through. There's a grief block. They try to come to you in a dream. They try to talk to you. There's a wall up. When you take down the pictures of them, they can't even reach you that way. Their love is deeper than all understanding. Please think about this and about tearing down or dissolving the barriers. There are several country songs that address some of this. One of them is - Wish You Were Here. Another is Holes in the Floor of Heaven . Another is I Believe - Diamond Rio There are a number of others. Love them. Love them. That's what they want most. Please consider thinking of this from their point of view. They love you more than you can know.

Thank you. I can't avoid the pain. It is ever with me. It's more painful to not see his beautiful loving eyes. Your loved one is with you. You just haven't learned to how to access that. That's what I'm doing. I don't know Joan Didon. She didn't know how to access it either. For me this is the best way I can cope.

I don't do drugs. When the doctor prescribed Lipitor for me, I asked if there were side effects. He said no. Well, it gave me psoriasis. I read that the chances of that were rare, but it affect me. To get rid of that he had to give me something else. That something else made some of my hair fall out. Like I've said, I studied this stuff in college. A drug can interact with other drugs one is taking. There's a place that lists some of those interactions. We each have to decide what is right for us, individually, that goes for everything.

As mentioned in another response to you, I live about 80 miles away to the SW of you. I'm on the west side of the Oregon Coast range. I'm protected from some of the intense smoke by the surrounding mountains. I hope he's okay too. When the smoke is bad, I do not let my cat out. When the bobcat is around, I don't let him out either. It's too dangerous for a number of reasons.

After my husband died I was overrun with all kinds of emotions. A short time later when I was saying to myself, I hate my life, I can't stand this and how much I needed to see and talk to him, etc, the words came to me, that I figured out were from him. He said to surround myself with pictures of him so I could better feel his presence. I had a 16X20 print on canvas made from the picture I used for his obituary. I enlarged a picture of him and me taken 12 years ago. I made it as large as my printer could handle and put it in a frame on the wall beside my computer desk. That wasn't large enough to suit me. So I found a place that printed it in a 16X20 and replaced the smaller one. I placed the smaller one on the wall next to my side of the bed. I printed out the picture of him, that was from the one of him and me, only this time just of him. That one is lay on the handwritten part of my journal. I transfer what is on the handwritten one to a journal I keep in my word processing files. I had painted a couple of pictures of him. They are on the wall now too. I went through old pictures and founds others of him taken before I knew him and after I did. Some of those I still plan to put up. But for now I have the pictures of him in several places around the house. I take the one I placed with the handwritten journal with me when I go out of the house. I keep it and the journal on the rider's seat where he sat when I drove us around. Neither of of liked to drive so we switched off. Throughout the day I look at his pictures. In the large one I have on the wall next to my desk, I can see into his eyes. The love, the beauty of who he is, shines through. His eyes follow me. I feel his presence through it. These pictures help a lot. Throughout the day I think of him all the time. It keeps the channel to him open. We are connected. Everything is. We truly are all one. There is no way it can be otherwise, but with a soulmate/twin flame the connection is stronger. We just have to realize and accept it. I've written a book about this, that I am currently trying to find an agent for. I won't go into that here. I will think a thought, like, I hate being separated from you, and I state his name sometimes. What comes back to me in a quiet assured thought is, "We are not separated. I am with you. Always." These words come in various forms. The thoughts that are mine are often jumbled and hurried. The ones from him are calm, quieter, more mature seeming. I also do what some would call protection prayers. I don't consider them prayers, but I draw the protection of the universe, some would call that God, around me. There are those which I also say to clear and protect me from negative energies and entities. I learned some of this from a counselor/spiritual lady years back. I don't know how this would work for you. We each have our own beliefs, and I don't want to push mine on anyone. But it's helping me. Last night I had a dream with him in it, where we both were away from home in a motel room that had a kitchen. We were getting ready to leave and go home. I was cleaning up the dirty dishes. He was doing other things, but I'm not sure what they were. I got to thinking, wait a minute, in a motel I don't have to clean things up...we can just go. I woke up. Do you need me to explain more?

Okay, so you have a journal. Good. What I do when a thought comes regarding this stuff is to start with the date and time. Then I type Me: and put my thoughts after that. I wait a minute. I become aware of a thought that is not mine, I type in his name and place a colon after it and type in the thoughts. Once in a while it's from my dad. It takes a little trust. Sometimes I'm wrong, and I have to correct the name that goes with the thought. I started doing this kind of thing under the guidance of a woman I was introduced to after my boyfriend died of cancer 33 years ago. She could actually see the spirit people who showed up. Another wise woman told me about recording my dreams. It's a learning process. I really don't think we will have to be without them for much longer. The environment is degrading very quickly, and life on the planet won't be sustainable much longer. Where I live the severe droughts, in areas that used to have lots of rain, are causing everything to burn. The sad thing is that we humans caused it. I feel sorry for the animals.

Have you thought of doing a journal? Write down your thoughts addressed to him. Then wait for what sounds like your thoughts and write those down. Sometimes those thoughts are from your loved one. As time goes on you can learn to discern which ones are from him. My husband died in Jan 2022. I now have a 185 pg journal. I rarely dream about him. I also have large pictures of him around the house so I can look into his loving eyes. It's also helps.

Our animal friends can touch us as deeply as the humans we love. I assume Beck was a animal friend/loved one. I hope your are better now. My thoughts are with you.

Oops, I forgot to click the follow button.

One of the things I've found is that people like to say they will be there, they don't follow through, and they can still believe they are being supportive. This has been the case for me during every major crisis. Now, most of those I care about have passed away, one of the problems of getting older. Could you possibly move back to where you were when your husband passed? Or would that make things worse?

I understand about all the two of you needed was each other and now you feel that part of you has gone with him. That's where he and I were and where I am now. We still are part of each other. What I'm working on is transcending the enormity of the loss, so I can be more in touch with him, so the communication is better, so that I can learn and grow through this. He is heart of my heart, soul of my soul, mind of my mind.

Sarcasm isn't necessarily passive-aggressive. Sometime a person needs to say it sarcastically, otherwise the other person doesn't hear what needs to be said at all. It's a very individual response.

I have a tendency to be blunt also. If you feel a negative reaction coming on, as the old timers used to say, bite your tongue. But it might not be you at all. We've lived through/are living through a time when hate has been used to manipulate people. This brought those who like to hate out from under the rocks. You can learn to overcome what you consider negative in you. I've certainly been doing that with myself. Hang in.🙂 Regarding the Facebook arguments I'd suggest not going there. I don't. It's kind of pointless.

Progesterone can cause uterine cancer. The risk is not worth it to me.

It must be very difficult being there now. The news says the 90s are over for the year.

Oops, I answered this on your other post.

Thanks for the suggestion. The chemical balance in the brain is critical. I studied all this stuff in college and the imbalance created by too many conflicting prescription drugs. I looked up the side effects for Trazodone according to the Mayo Clinic. Not good. I tried Benedryl. It has bad side effects for me. My brother committed his crimes because he was taking too many drugs prescribed by doctors. I'd rather deal with the lack of sleep. As for the issues with carbs, I dealt with that years ago as mentioned in the post. I took allergy tests with revealed I'm actually allergic to vegetables with too many carbs. One has to find balance in all things.

I took hormone replacement until it gave my sister breast cancer and killed her, literally. I stopped taking it when she got the cancer. My peri-menopause started 30 years ago. My hormones still fluctuate. It's just how it is. Candy spikes the sugar levels and then drops them suddenly. Many alcoholics have the same issues, only they do alcohol...the sugar in the alcohol. For me the candy is a bodily craving to fix the fluctuating sugar levels, except it makes it worse. White chocolate really isn't chocolate.

It's not pain. It's chronic hypoglycemia, mixed with fluctuating hormones, what I eat, when I eat it, high blood pressure medication, etc. All of these things work together to hype me up. Even talking to people earlier in the day can set off the hypoglycemia and keep me from sleeping that night. Thanks about the user name. It has significance. Years ago when I was with my second husband and he emotionally abandoned me after what my brother did, I would eat 3/4ths of a pound of M&Ms in 15 minutes to reward myself for not having an affair with an emotionally supportive man. I love chocolate. I had to break myself of the chocolate fix like an alcoholic breaks themselves of drinking booze.

The more I do before I go to sleep, the less I sleep, even if that stuff is meditation, visualization and yoga. I've tried it all for years. Yes, the body needs rest to heal, but with mine it's strictly physical. I have a number of physical issues that work together to keep me from sleeping.

Yours is the kind of response I thought I'd get to the post. At least you can sleep. I have a heck of a time sleeping. It's been a problem since menopause began 30 years ago. It's just the the house is so empty without him. He filled up all the nooks and crannies in ways I didn't realize he was filling it. I even got myself a 5 foot teddy bear and put it in his easy chair, so I could watch the television and not see an empty chair. It's now on the loveseat along with another couple of smaller bears.

One of the things I noticed immediately was how the house echoed with emptiness. After the funeral home took him away, and no one was here, it felt hollow, empty, forsaken. I'm afraid I didn't do a good job of figuring out how to handle it. There were so many things that had to be done. I made a list and started doing the tasks one by one, while my spirit was on empty or better yet in a deficit. Nearly eight months later it's still empty. Can you tell me what helps you?