Chocolate

I feel this too, all the time. For me it can be no other way.

For me it was hard to watch my husband lose his mental capacity. He was highly intelligent, and when the cancer took his ability to think clearly and he realized that was what was happening, it nearly destroyed him in that moment.

The laws of physics say that nothing is ever lost. It only changes form and substance. There's a bunch of science stuff I won't go into here, but it basically says what a lot of religions say, that we are all one, even though science uses different words. All that is comes from the same source. This is our house, his and mine. Like with you, V.R. he is the air I breathe. He tells me to breathe him in. I'm learning how to access him more fully. When the house feels vacant, empty, I tune more closely into him. I say things to him to strengthen the connection. I carry a good- sized picture of him in the car with me when I go out grocery shopping. I put it on the passenger seat. This is a learning process. I'm learning things I did not know were possible. Sometimes I get scared of all the changes in the world, climate change, running out of water, the fires that could start here and what I would do if my house burns down, etc. He tells me not to be afraid, that it will be handled. I'm tired of being without him physically, but.... there's nothing I can do about that. I'm doing all I know to do to learn and grow.

There are so many ways to look at all this. My husband is not gone for good. He just lives in a different dimension now aka the afterlife aka heaven. I talk to him. He talks to me. His voice comes as thoughts in my head. We are getting closer. We are part of each other, so there is no separation. Love does not leave it's own. I am learning to accept the changes. It's difficult for me, but it's coming along.

Marg M, true one size does not fit all. But sometimes what works for one, can work for another. For me there would be no one who would not want to be travel by myself. All those people have already passed away. My husband has been gone 8 months. The doctor I would like to go see passed away some time ago. He'd be 110 if he was still alive. And he definitely does not make house calls. At least I've never seen him around here, grin.

So, all in all Marg M do you regret your moves? I live in a rural setting that was perfect for my husband and me, and it comforts me even with him gone. He presence seeps out of the walls and comforts me. If others are around I find them disruptive. I would be concerned about the couple with the two little ones, knowing that with the climate change they do not have a future. That's how I feel about the little ones who live not far from me. Most of my large extended family are gone now. I focus on my own personal growth. How long have you been widowed?

It's so hard when we've done all we can and it isn't enough.

Thanks for telling me your kids ages. I thought maybe they were little children. They are old enough to handle themselves, so at least you can try your best to take care of you. I really don't like labeling something. When something happens quickly, it is very hard to adjust. It's a huge shock. It takes shock a while to wear off. I think the shock helps us do what we have to do as we have to do it. I think blaming ourselves is natural. I think all of us worry that there could have been something else we could have done. I know I do...it's a case of if only....

The article does make some good points. However, sometimes we are not ready to face the grief. Sometimes we can allow it to come out when our hearts are ready. One size does not fit all.

Gwenivere, I understand about wanting a permanent escape. I understand about the void that will never be filled. I understand about extra challenges and feeling like I can't adapt. It's amazing to me how things that were no problem before now feel like jagged mountain peaks that I can't climb over. While I don't know how you feel specifically, I know what it's like for me. I find those feelings unacceptable. I accept that he died. But I don't accept where that leaves me. That's part of what I have to figure out how to work through.

Thank you. Grief, like with all things, seems to be a case of learn as you go. What works for someone else, might not work for me. And I've learned that what works one time may not work the next. Grief seems to make me feel like I've become at schizophrenic at times. Thanks, kayc.

Thanks. I know all this stuff. I studied to be a counselor once upon a time. It's one thing to know it in theory. It's another to deal with it. I just like to hear what other people do. I think that's important. And I bring up topics hoping it will help others too.

We all have things wrong with us. The only medications I take are for high blood pressure. They are necessary. Trying various other natural things kept my blood pressure too high. I tried it for years. Thanks, though.

Rain does put out the fire. If they keep starting them again, that's a different set of circumstances.

For me the opposite is true. It's a promise to me that we will be together sooner than I thought. It makes it more tolerable.

When I heard this song at first I was thinking this is how it must have been when my husband passed. Now I realize that the calling is now for me, and my husband and I will be together, soon. Angels Calling - The Tenors

That was very thoughtful of your son, Sad_Widower. It's amazing how it can lessen the intensity of the loss. It's wonderful your wife and son were both with you. I'm sure their love always embraces you.

The huge fires in other parts of the states during other years only went out once the fall rains hit.

I have chronic low blood sugar. I have to get the right food source at the right time to help me when my blood sugar drops too low. Most of the medical community does not believe in chronic low blood sugar. I've had it for over 50 years. So they negate the things I tell them about mine. James, you are right. They are wrong in there assessment. They Are Wrong!

Logic certainly can help pull a person out of the pits.

My heart and thoughts are with you.

You ask for your guides to come to you...you don't tell your mom. You talk to them in your head, even if it feels like you are talking to no one. There are yoga things online, places that have classes. You can go to Youtube and search for yoga and meditation stuff there. Do a search for online classes.

Ask for them to come to you. Trust that they are there. It took me a long time for me to know who mine were and to be aware of it. Don't tell your family. My family never believed in that either.

I understand what you are saying. How old are your kids? I assume you are trying to hold it together for them. For me it's been 8 months today. Everything I do when I'm out and about takes emotional energy that I don't have. I am working on not feeling miserable all the time. It takes concentrated effort. I watch movies that are loving and touching and some about death. This is to help me work it through. Today I had to make some business decisions and that was hard, without him. It absolutely sucks. But I am also getting in touch with my spirit guides and my husband - in spirit. I write down the exchanges in journal form. It helps.