Chocolate

If you go to a group like church, you don't have to tell them your whole story all at once. You don't have to tell them anything. It puts me in mind of the story of little Albert I read about in a psych class in college. He was afraid of soft furry things. So the psychologist introduced him to a bunny, a little at a time. At first the bunny was clear across the room where Albert could barely see it. Over a period of time the bunny was brought closer and closer and eventually Albert was hugging the bunny. The old saying goes, "All things in moderation." If you don't know how to swim you don't jump into a deep pond and sink to the bottom. You walk along the shallow edge edge at first. Little at a time we can learn to overcome.

Do you attend services at this new church? Have you talked to the pastor and asked for suggestions? Maybe making and appointment with him/her is a start. Tell the pastor how kind everyone was there and how welcome you felt. I'd try that if I were you and see where it leads. Maybe open up to the pastor.

I'm so sorry they suck. Lying to a grief stricken person about being supportive is despicable. How much longer is there on the lease? Have you looked online for support groups near you? Since you still have parents, is it correct to think that you are not a senior citizen? For me, if it wasn't so far I'd trying a spiritual group who was into being loving and supportive, but would not try to convert me. There is one, but it's 60 miles, one way, and in the winter I would be driving home in the dark. So I work on myself here, where I am. I don't know what your answers are, but I know there are some. Feeling his love with you now is a start. He's trying to get through.

Thank you.

That is special. I long to have dreams like that.

He is still with you.

Thank you.

This is powerful. He really came to you. It also demonstrates he is still with you.

Apparently she has a lack of soul connection. That's sad. I'm glad you decided to go ahead with the spreading of the ashes. Where have you decided to do that?

All of these songs, even in repeat, are touching. I thank everyone for contributing what touches you the most. It helps.

I think the more we worry about the dreams, the more difficult it is to receive them. It's possible that you have been dreaming about trying to get with younger women, because you are lonely. I think you dreaming that is normal.

Dreams come as they do. I don't have any control over what comes in mine. There is such a things as lucid dreaming, but I've rarely experienced it. It's been a long time.

Roxi, those who deeply love are always connected. The only problem is our doubts. We can overcome them.

Maybe it's just too hard for her to deal with it. Maybe it makes it too real for her. I can see how not having a funeral when one is not allowed to could be very hard. So many people died of Covid after going to funerals. At the time of a death the bad family feelings can be front and center. My husband's ashes are on the hearth beside my desk in a special urn. I didn't realize they would be as heavy as they are. When I die my nephew has agreed to mix our ashes and scatter them together over our pet cemetery on our property. This is in honor of his wishes.

It sure is a matter of trial and error. I'm so glad that worked for you.

It is hard to see a guitar sitting there. My husband's guitar is sitting in the den. I moved it to the bedroom so it would be next to me at night, but that didn't work. I put it back to where it was when he was alive. He had a boy ban when he was a kid.

Kieron, this a touching contribution. Thank you. I was thinking today that my husband is my home. So to get back home I will join him when the highest way presents itself.

I've been to so many funeral that they became horrible to endure. People would say, now if I can just get through the funeral, and I thought, then why have one? When my husband died there was no funeral, on purpose. We had discussed it. There wouldn't have been one even without Covid. I understand that rituals can help, but they can also prove to be hard to endure.

I would think someone was with her constantly.

How completely sad for you. Do you feel her with you?

I am so sorry. What a hole the loss of a dear sibling leaves. Did you file a missing person's report? Anger is a natural response. It's been 17 years since my sister died. I keep thinking I should be able to call her and go see her. It sucks that I can't'.

I don't listen to modern country either. Some of it is just noise, like most rock is these days. I like ballads with a melody and gentle rhythm. I put up a song I like on Pandora and either with the song or the artist, I create a station. Last night I created a station from MartyT's song To Where You Are. It brought in a whole bunch of songs that touched me deeply. I don't feel like I have a future either. That's why I am working to deepen my connection with him. If you think you can't do something. you can't. Remember the story of The Little Engine That Could? The engine made it over the mountain by saying to itself, I think I can. And once it made it, it said I thought I could. You can actually find it on YouTube.

I so worry about how the animals are breathing in the smoke. I actually looked up the mileage between where you are and where I am. It said it was 82 miles. A person can get to Oakridge from here without going all the way to Eugene.

Acceptance is a biggy. Even though I was with him all night after he died, it's still hard to accept. I've dedicated a couple of weeks at different times working on acceptance. Sometime I still wake and say, "You're still dead," as I look over at the last place I saw him alive - in bed beside me. You have to do it the way that is right for you. Each of us does. The nice thing about this forum is that there are people here who have different takes on things. As we share them it can help us all.

There are so many ways to look at al this.