karenb

Hi Lily, I went through an illness with Jack that practically started when we got married. We were married 15 years, knew each other for 30, and I knew he had 2 open-heart surgeries and advanced diabetes. These conditions continually got worse and he died suddenly of a massive heart attack driving home on the freeway from golf. It was sudden and immediate and the doctors told me they didn't know that he would last as long as he did. It was still a horrible shock and 2 1/2 years later I remember it as if it was yesterday. I never felt any of the guilt that you're expressing, so I don't know how to help you with that. I feel much better these days and I'm sure it's because I keep myself around positive and caring people, keep busy volunteering, selected a new church home and ladies' group, try to take care of myself physically by eating pretty healthy and exercising 3 times a week. I feel very sad but there's nothing I can do but keep on keeping on. I do hope you find ways to help yourself feel better. Let us know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen

Bless your heart, Mr. Game Man - We're all with you. Your friend, Karen

If I were a mother of a son who is now gone and his best friend called or came to see me, I would most happily welcome him. I would want him to speak from his heart and I would give him the biggest hug ever! Just let her know you care about her and that you miss your best friend. Your conversation will naturally go from there. I really can't imagine that she wouldn't want to hear from you no matter how hard a time you all have had. Think about it and let us know. Your friend, Karen

I'm not sure what my grandson, Jason, has 'cause he's working as assistant football coach at a university, but I know he has a great flat screen TV. He graduated from college a year ago. But he plays I think it's called games from Wii, and does something with a guitar and a bunch of other stuff. His dad and my daughter live near me and they have a "huge" flat TV screen and he plays all kinds of games on it, some that are international. He had to limit himself somewhat because it was getting into a real habit and no work done around the house. It's good you have that interest. It sure can keep you busy. Take care. Your friend, Karen

Hi there, My grandson and his dad are both gamers. My son-in-law does it world wide in car racing and motorcycle racing. They sure love it. I know your friend feels badly because you're having a hard time. I feel he wants you to be a little happy and doing some things you both might have done. Carry his wonderful memory with you and try to be happy you had the time you did. That kind of friendship will always be with you. You're lucky to have had it. Hang in there. Your friend, Karen

Wendy, the mental image is hysterical. Jack always used to laugh and shake his head at the silly things I used to do. I made him laugh a lot and I loved it. I think you and I might be quite a bit alike. Have a good day. Your friend, Karen

Hi Gamer, Well, I am older. My grandson is your age. He has these up and down feelings as well. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago, and I did go through those doubts just like you have. I did come out of it and I believe a better person for it. I had to make myself go to church, join some groups, pray every day and other things to MAKE myself what I wanted to be. Personally, I truly believe that God gives us situations for us to learn, however long it takes. He's very patient with us and all our indecisions and doubts. But I truly believe that all this is for our good because He is a good God, how could he do anything else? Have you ever had any Christian counseling about these feelings, maybe from your pastor or someone else? That might help. Just keep trying. You will make it to where you want to be. Try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones at the time they're happening to you. That can become a wonderful habit. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen

Hey Derek, You're a kid after me own heart (I have a lot of Irish in me). I have two grown boys that are the same way, so I know just what you mean. I'm truly glad you doing all these things. I very much admire you. Keep up the good work. Your friend, Karen

Wendy, you're funny. No, I was trying to redo a candle thing to reuse and they glued something to it. I have done the finger thing in the past, though. Not fun. Have a peaceful evening. Your friend, Karen

Dear, Dear, Derek....I'm just sitting here reading that and just chuckling. You do just what you need to....I'm just a "neat freak" and asking a question that I shouldn't have....sorry. Are you guys still going to your church? You appeared to have fun at the camp, I think it was, and I thought that was really great. I'm sticking to the one that I started with a few months ago and enjoy their friendship and, especially, the messages of the pastor. He really hits home sometimes. I'm still in the back pew and prefer to be there, but people are coming up to me and giving me hugs. It feels great. Well, I am trying to get superglue off something so I'll go online and find a fix. You take care, my friend, you're a really good guy! Your friend, Karen

Bless your heart, Derak. It's just so hard. So many things remind us of them and how special they were to us. I was just wondering if you two eat dinner at a table together as a special time. I hope I'm not interferring with that question. I would never hurt your feelings. I was just wondering. You do well to have all this happen at such a young age. Take care, my friend. You are such a good dad. Hang in there. Your friend, Karen

Hi Dusky, My very best to you in this endeavor. What a healing project for you and, I hope, many others. I'll look forward to hearing more when you're ready. Your friend, Karen

Hi Wendy, Well, here's what I did about those things. It's been 2 1/2 years so these things happened when they happened as time went by. Because I've always been a little bit "hippy"...."off beat" and so forth, I have my engagement ring on the "proper" finger, my wedding band on my little finger, and I had Jack's wedding band resized and I wear it next to the engagement finger. I will always wear his wedding band there...it brings me close to him because that was the last thing before he was cremated (as he wanted to be.) I'm very proud to wear it. About all his stuff. I still have things, but I did sell his multitude of tools and those things that family didn't need. After a while I gave his clothes to the blind (I've always given things to them.) What is left I'll just wait until I feel the time is right and worry about it then. I feel comfortable with what I've done. Just take your time...do it when you feel like it and, above all, don't worry about it. It will all happen when it's supposed to. Take care. Your friend, Karen

Hi Kathy, What everyone is saying here is the absolute truth. It's very hard to deal with this grief and you really do need to take care of yourself. Jack's been gone for 2 1/2 years now and things are going pretty well, but it has taken a long time. All the things you feel you need to do will still be there when you're ready. If you feel there are "urgent" things to get done, just swallow and put one foot in front of the other. They'll get done. Try to get rid of those weak and guilty feelings. You're doing the best you can....you're not superwoman, right? Hang in there because it does get better. I'm here as proof. Take care. Your friend, Karen

Kim, I'm so sorry all this is happening. Sometimes it does feel like we just can't handle any more. Try and take care of yourself. We're all here for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your friend, Karen

Thanks, Suzanne......Karen

Hey Marty....LOL....LOL, and on my knees. Toooo funny! Karen

You said all those things beautifully. I have those bittersweet moments, too. My first husband was not a good person at all, but my Jack showed me that there are wonderfully good men in this world who know how to love and treat their wives with such good care. I know how grateful you are because I am very much that same way. Have a good day. Your friend, Karen

I love the word, "Grandma." Congratulations on the double whammy! That is truly great. You have wonderful times ahead and you will love every minute of it. The hugs, kisses, spoiling and everything that goes with it. Great! Again, congratulations. Your friend, Karen

Hi Cat, What you're going through sounds very uncomfortable. It's a good thing you know how to take your blood pressure and heart rate. I haven't had this happen, but it might be a good idea to just let your parents or doctor know. I'm sure it's nothing, but better safe than sorry. Stress can do a multiple of things to us. Let us know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen

DoubleJo You have very wise words and such a way to put them. What I'm doing with my "here" is getting me to where I feel I want to be. You must be such a wonderful person. I would like to hear your words again. Your friend, Karen

Walt...listening to that was really nice. Jack loved music and put together a collection of tons of CDs. Little by little, I have been giving them to the children along with a few of his BB hats, pocket watches, pen knives, etc. He was a collector! Keep listening....I think it's great! Karen

Hi Derek, I'm sorry you're going through a bad time. Bob sure has some good ideas you might want to think about. It does sound like you're exhausted. Getting some time for just you might be a good thing and confiding in Carson about some of your feelings and lots of dad hugs as well. Are you still attending your church. If so, maybe the pastor might be able to help....who knows. Someone to talk to can sure help sometimes. You've been posting such positive things in the past that this may be just a "hitch" in your get-along. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing. Your friend, Karen

Love it, Kathy. Thanks. Karen

Hi Teny, We all know we heal differently and at different time periods. Try not to be so hard on yourself. The only thing I can say to you is how I'm where I am right now, and this is 2 years 5 months later. The first period of time I beat myself up, didn't believe it, cried all the time, didn't even go out of the house, and so forth - the same things we all have done. I still exercised three times a week with wonderful supportive women and still do for my health and for their support - I give them support as well. Jack and I were going to start going back to church and, of course, that got interrupted so after a while I started searching for a comfortable church home. I tried a few and then started going back to one where some of the ladies from my exercise group went. I eventually joined their morning ladie's group every Tuesday, after a while told them my story and I'm still going and enjoying their friendship and support. Not necessarily grieving support but just life support. And I still have my part-time home business just to keep me busy. I guess what I'm trying to say is slowly but surely I started doing some things, even if I didn't want to, and making myself do these things is when I found out that being with other people, enjoying their friendship and giving my friendship is what has helped me the most. I also go visit a local retirement home and have lunch with a nice older lady there. I enjoy it and she loves the company. It's making myself do things and not giving up what has helped me. Well, anyway, that's my story of surviving this. You can, too. Just keep trying and it will happen. Your friend, Karen